How do you cope with work?

[petalouda]

I've suffered with anxiety for years but had my first 'real' panic moment at work just before xmas. I'm a university lecturer and was in class, happily delivering a lecture when I spaced out for a second and was filled with complete dread that I'd had a stroke. I spent the rest of the lesson in an ongoing state of panic before excusing myself a few minutes early on the pretence of a meeting and heading for home to have a good cry.

During the following lesson four days later (I only work part-time) I told myself I'd be OK but then working with students on a one-to-one in the IT lab I started to feel 'odd' and again scuttled out of there ASAP. That night I had a full scale panic attack and went on to have a really miserable xmas until I plucked up the courage to go to the docs - she prescribed me Citalopram (10mg) and I've been on it for a couple of weeks.

On the whole I've felt better and was looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow (first lecture of the academic period), but then yesterday I had a panic attack and feel really rough this morning. The thought of lecturing tomorrow and the potential for having another attack in class (I've convinced myself I'm going to have one) is seriously stressing me out (headache, nausea, agitated, etc).

Because of the nature of my job I can't just phone in and say 'I feel rubbish, I'm not coming in' as there will be 50 students sitting in a class waiting for me at 9am! My employer/line manager also doesn't know about this - I'm too embarrassed to tell her - and have recently applied for a full-time job there so didn't want this to affect it (prejudice etc).

How do I cope with this and what are your experiences of living with panics and working, dealing with employers etc? Any other lecturers out there going through this? All advice much appreciated. :weep:

Peta xx

[Groundhog]

Hi Peta
I teach at a secondary school but my anxiety (when it’s there – it comes sporadically) eases when I go to work – the opposite of yours. I am aware, as you may be, that in the teaching profession stress and anxiety is rife and we, on average at any one time, have a member of staff absent with it, a fortnight, three weeks, often longer. If you are contracted then you should be able to take sick leave and it certainly should not prejudice any future employment. Citalopram takes time to work, sometimes four weeks so it’s unlikely you will be feeling the benefit yet which is why a couple of weeks off would allow you to ‘regroup’ and then move on.
Did your doc offer therapy at all? This would be so beneficial in your circumstances I think.

[happycamper]

Hi petalouda,

I had to do a training session on basic life support last week and it was tough - not sure if I disguised my panicy feelings in front of 15 pairs of eyes...so much for having to demonstrate being calm in the situation of rescusitating!

I've been on citalopram 20mg for 7 months now, it has helped immensly. But one of the big things also to be helping is reading up and trying to practise mindfullness techniques, so when I've felt particularly anxious/panicy, I concentrate on what I'm doing and in my breathing. I'd never heard of mindfullness 6 months ago, but it is worth a try. X

[petalouda]

No. But I've had therapy in the past and it really helped - even just talking - so I'll nag her again about this.

Unfortunately re: work I'm a 'visiting lecturer' so self-employed hence being off would mean not being paid. I can cope in the short term, but my worry would be 'will they take a chance on me in the future?' (indeed will I be any better?) and 'why would they consider taking me onto the 'books' if I can cope with four hours a week?'.

The mad thing is that unlike some of my colleagues (did further training last year) I have never been afraid to go into a classroom and 'do my thing' - so why now? I guess having it come out of the blue on a normal day is what's freaked me out so much and if it can happen once it can (and in my mind probably will) happen again. The longer term worry is obviously at some point I'm going to need to walk into a classroom and if I can't do it tomorrow will I ever be able to do it again?

At this precise moment I'm tired but 'arsey' - thinking sod it, I'm going in tomorrow whatever happens - but when it comes to tomorrow morning I'm not so sure... :unsure:

Peta xx

[JT69]

Hi Peta,

So feel for you...and know how you feel...its just the thought of "what if"?? But you got through the other day so why not tommorow?? I am exactly the same....I have just had a week off and today cos am back at work tommorow feel terriable...anxious and the lot...even though I love my job??? Wierd and why?? Who knows??

I think you are doing the right thing by going in tommorow even though when you wake you might not feel like it but you will be fine!!! And you will get stronger as you master it. I know for me some days I wonder how the hell I got through but I did and it does help you!! Remember it is all in the mind....so no one can tell (unless you tell them and then they look out for weird behaviours)...you will be fine...you see.

I shall be in the same boat tommorow....feeling weak, and crap and anxious but will go through the motions and hope it passes quickly.

Take care
Jo.xx

[JaneC]

Hi Peta, I'm only employed on a "casual" basis, so I know the pressures your kind of situation brings. If you need to take time off then you need to ... but avoidance is something we all need to bear in mind when panic is a problem. It initially makes us feel better but very soon makes us feel worse, because we know what we are doing, and often it just increases the pressure when we do have to get round to facing the situation. On the other hand, making yourself face the situation can also feel worse if we have another panic attack, reinforcing our fears.

So, no easy answer, of course. I think my advice would be to make yourself go in if you can. In the short term, things like beta blockers, Rescue Remedy and remembering to breathe properly can help. Longer term, if you continue to have probs, there are things like CBT. Is there any support you can get in that way at work or is that not open to you?

As for the citalopram, two weeks may not be long enough for it really to be working. It is also generally felt that 20mg is the minimum therapeutic dose, although some people find 10 enough, I think. Panic attacks can also be an initial side effect of SSRIs. I had a couple of nasty ones in the early stages of restarting Prozac 18 months ago. I did find it worth persevering, though, as I haven't had a single one in more than a year.

Just make the right decision for you in the morning - if you don't feel up to it, it doesn't mean you fell never feel up to it. And do keep posting x