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I am feeling a bit tearful, it has been a horrible weekend.
2 weeks ago I collected my son from school, he has special needs and attends a mainstream school which also caters for special needs.....
as usually i felt panicky collecting him and as we were just walking out the school door this boy came over to my son and in a
retarded voice and pulling a retarted face said .........
Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo sam.
he was also pointing his finger at his head doing a curly motion as to say your mental.
Well I was so upset i shouted at the boy, i was shaking all over i told him to follow me and lead him to a memeber of staff and reported him.
My son has aspergers and his confidence is zero.....the last thing i need was a boy telling him hes stupid.
well on friday the school told me the boys father had been up the school angry about the way i shouted at his son.
This has really upset me and i keep crying, i didnt want to shout at the boy it just came out , i felt so upset for my son because he keeps saying to me ..........why am i stupid and is an easy target.
The school told me i shouldnt of said anything to the boy, but i didnt i just shouted follow me.....i thought that was ok, after all i didnt threaten him or touch him.
My panics really really bad because of all this and on top of all this i havent eaten since sat night because ive got food poisning from a take away.
Im really worried this has set me right back on my panic attacks and cant stop crying.
mirryx
Oh Mirry im so sorry to hear what happened at the school.
You did the right thing by reporting this nasty little boy & you had every reason to shout at him. Thats his & his fathers problem if they can't take it. You have done nothing wrong at all, any parent im sure would have done the same thing.
Please do'nt cry go & give your little pup & nice little cuddle.
Get well soon re the food poisoning.
People like that arn't worth getting upset about. Sounds like they both need to grow up.
Take Care
Alex
Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart
Paddington
27-03-06, 13:37
hi mirry,i bet the world feels like it has caved in YEH??Well it hasn't sweetie.When our children are threatened we react as a lioness would so your feelings are correct for what occurrred,you released that adrenalin 4 a reason,you were defending your 'cub'!now ,as you have the same feelings during a panic attack,you have put this together in you mind and assume it's all panic,but it is not ,it is a very natural reaction to a threataning situation!As 4 the school,lord,everyone is so scared of being sued or being seen as politically incorrect,it makes me wanna scream!!!!Having worked in education,trust me Mirry,the staff are as angry with that boy as you are [well nearly]but under the governments guidelines,their hands are tied,wrong in my book!!Do you want to keep Sam in main stream ed.Mirry?My daughter works in a special ed school,with kiddies having mild S.E.N.'s and she has worked in mainstream too,and feels that the kids seem to understand each others problems more in the special school,just a thought,and i know these wonderful schools are thin on the ground and lack funding[my daughter has not had he contract renewed so that proves it ,and she is heartbroken!]You dry your eyes Mirry.You are not goin backwards,you simply upset at your Son's pain!It will all settle down,and believe me they will be watchin that other boy!!!!Keep us posted ,and get well soon[nasty,thing food poisening]love Mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
you know what the parenmt of the other boy is just thinking of someone else to blame because he knows full well his son was in the wrong not u. So never worry about anything. Just chill and realx and get over ur food poisning x
what lovely people they are mirry. hard to believe that someones son makes fun of yuor son and the dad blames you. something wrong with the world those people are living in mirry, try sooo hard to put it out of your head. kids can be so hurtful and im sure you are aware of this, but when the parent shows no remorse, you have to feel sorry for that. you are better people just know that and move on if you can
no one like that is worth your time or your tears.
concentrate on yourself your son and on your recovery, know ing that alot is sent to try us but true recovery lies in coping with the good and the bad
you r not alone. we are all behind you
remember you and your son can hold your heads high, for you would never hurt anyone like those people hurt you. isnt ti great to know how above them you are
take care
jackie
Thanks everyone for your replys,
I keep going over and over how angry i was when i shouted at him......
I wish i hadnt shouted at him like i did.
I am finding my sons aspergers syndrome a real strain and because of the way he is its making me more emotionally unstable.
I cant stop worrying, the head said he will have to investigate further into this........my friend said to me this morning , they will check the ctv cameras.....this has made me panic more because it will be so embarrasing them watching me angry on t.v.
My husband says dont worry about it , it will just prove what a horrible boy he was that day.
Im sick with worry and dont know how it all got like this?
sorry to go on
mirryx
Hi Hun
I know your concerned but it is best not to keep going over it as you will make yourself feel worse.
Hubby is right in saying that when the matter is looked into further everyone will see what a horrible little boy this lad is.
Again you only did what any parent would do in protecting your child & you have nothing to worry about.
As Jackie says we are all here for you.
Take Care
Alex
Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">As 4 the school,lord,everyone is so scared of being sued or being seen as politically incorrect,it makes me wanna scream!!!!Having worked in education,trust me Mirry,the staff are as angry with that boy as you are [well nearly]but under the governments guidelines,their hands are tied,wrong in my book!!love Mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
<div align="right">Originally posted by mary rose - 27 March 2006 : 14:37:31</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I couldn't agree more and this is half the problem in school today. I would loathe to be a teacher in this day and age. I hate the fact some kids don't feel accountable for their actions.
I don't suggest we go back to the dark ages but all this daren't even restrain a badly behaved child is ridiculous and puts other peoples kids at risk. Also it means as a society we aren't looking out for each other in the same way we used to. My mother-in-law saw a lone toddler wandering the shops and for a split second thought not to interfere incase someone thought she was trying to steal them. Common sense prevailed and she led the child to the nearest shop and counter and they called the police for help.
I am sure I would have reacted in the same way as you Mirry if someone had been as offensive as that to one of my children and I think you have nothing to reproach yourself for. Those parents should change their reaction to shame not anger - which is probably why they do feel angry.
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
THANKS PIGLET,
I think what hurts me is the fact that i made this year the year to be strong and not to be so afraid of speaking up..........
now i feel like its easier being timid.
I wish i hadnt shouted at that boy and i cant stop thinking about it,
I dont know why but i start to doubt my own judgement, I asked my son tonight exactly what that boy did that day, just to hear it.
My husband has also said to me today, if they were that concerned the police would of turned up within 2 days of it happening.........
why am i such a terrible worrier?
mirryx
april tones
27-03-06, 16:57
hi, same as above! i have a son and i would do the same
xx
fibrochat) http://apriltones.proboards54.com
Mirry,
Even though deep down I'm sure you know that you did the right thing - the only thing that anyone would have done - defend their child? Infact, if you think about it you probably would have done the same even it was not your own child - nobody likes to see that kind of cruelty dished out to anyone let alone their own child. I know how easy it is to take the blame. There is no way this will go any further - Yes you yelled, but who would'nt? But you went straight into the school and reported it. Believe me you have nothing to beat yourself up about. What is the one thing that us with PD do? We catastrophise (right spelling?) That's our speciality. Yes you are worried, but no way does this mean your back to square one - no way! It's just a minor setback, that is all. This will pass - Just remember there is no way that the father is going to take this further - He knows that his son was in the wrong even though he would never admit it to anyone - he is just lashing out at you. Yes it is unfair - but do not - DO NOT let yourself take the blame.
You take care of yourself, let us know how it goes
thanks, I will be glad to get this episode over with,
I hate school runs as it is, this has certainly added more gloom over it.
you have all been so kind to me
thanks xxx
mirryx
After reading I had to reply as school's and they new rules make me so mad,my daughter is now 10 and has been in early puberty since she was 8,I had a close friend who had a daughter in the same year,my daughter confided in her.I told her be careful what you say.
I went in to the school and had a quiet word with the head mistress.
One day the girls fell out and my friends daughter started to make fun,my daughter was distraughted.
I pulled the girl to one side and asked her to stop it as it was really upsetting her,I never raised my voice.
At home time my daughter was beside herself the head had told her off for me confronting her.I was furious.
I went in to the office,I don't often get angry but when I do,I do it in style.
As I came out my friend was in the hall with another mother I think she was back up,she said dont you think you have over reacted I just looked and said "I haven't even started yet"
I wrote to the board of goveners and was sent a letter appologising and assuring me it would be dealt with.
Ive had no trouble since.
xxxxxxxxx
eeyorelover
28-03-06, 09:05
My question to the school would be - if that kid was so mean to your child with you standing right there then what is he doing when there isn't an adult around !! Sounds to me like that boy needs some discipline!
You didn't overreact! After all you have to stand up for your child and show your child that he should stand up for himself too!! We can't depend on the school to do the right thing anymore!! Think about it... schools are so underfunded and the teachers have more students in the classrooms than they can handle.
As the parent of a special needs child myself I just want to say..... way to go Mirry - you did the right thing!!!! Don't let them make you feel like you did anything wrong. It was one of those motherly instinct things!!!
Sandy
(eeyorelover)
If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)
Thanks again, i never imagined this much support - which says alot about the way everyone is feeling about children having too many rights.
Obvoiusly we must protect children but to let them see they can cause so much suffering without facing any concequences seems crazy.
The teachers pussy foot around these issues because they are scared which in my opinion makes people like us more likely to take things into there own hands.
I havent cried about it yet today and am feeling alot stronger, the illness i had wore me down not eating for 3 days. Today i have eaten and am thinking more clearly but its only because of you all putting my mind at ease, thanksxxx
mirryx
Glad you feel better about it today hun - don't know many people in society who wouldn't agree with the general tone of this thread, other than the ones who know no difference between right and wrong!!!
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
yes your right about that, even today i had my cbt appointment and hes lovely, he said to me what do you think happened at that moment when you got angry, i said i dont know ?
He said your body released adrenalin, it wasnt your fault it was the fight or flight responce and you stood and fought (makes a change LOL).
He then went into the therory of of it all which he called the A,B ,C.
A = ???? < does anyone know what this is ,i cant remember?
B= BELIEFS (my shouting was because of my beliefs)
C= CONSEQUENCES (i felt upset and ashamed)
Then i had to say how i felt other people would view the situation if it had happened to them, i said it would be water off a ducks back!
I have to do a essay on this subject before next tuesday........
supposed to make me really think about it all and the way i view things.
will let you know all know how it goes.
mirryx
Paddington
28-03-06, 23:24
so glad things are more in perspective Mirry.The CBT sounds fab!Hope Sam is feelin better too.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
I wish i hadnt shouted at that boy and i cant stop thinking about it,
I dont know why but i start to doubt my own judgement, I asked my son tonight exactly what that boy did that day, just to hear it.
My husband has also said to me today, if they were that concerned the police would of turned up within 2 days of it happening.........
why am i such a terrible worrier?
mirryx
<div align="right">Originally posted by mirry - 27 March 2006 : 17:51:32</div id="right">
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hi mirry
Reading this thread you sound so much like me, I worry myself so much about things I have said or done. I too made up my mind I was going to speak my mind more and be less timid but if I do this I spend the next few days worrying about the consequences of what I have said. My hubby laughs and says that I need to stop worrying, yeah right ok, not quite as easy as that. I have suffered from constant worry (amongst other things) for the past 20 years so it's not going to be easy to change now.
I just wanted to let you know that what you did many others would have done, just try to be strong. The other parent knows his child was in the wrong, you did what you had to for your own child. :)
Take care
Donna
Delta, I know what you mean worry is what gets us in the circle of panic.
Too analise every little thing we have said is awful, I find certain people make me nervous. I can only cope with kind friendly people and cant stand people who dont give anything away in their face.
If i am in a shop and get served by a friendly face i am less likely to panic, if the person looks grumpy and un friendly i feel more nervous.
This is unhelpfull thinking but how do we stop it ?
mirryx
Hi mirry
I asked my therapist what I can do about constant worry, she said to stop and consider what is the worst possible outcome, once you realise it isn't so bad then you can move on. This doesn't work for me unfortunately. In my mind when I try and think about this, the worst possible outcome for me is ending up in prison or something worse than that, I get into such a state over things it has affected my health.
I'm the same with people too, I tend to be very sensitive to people's feelings and I often imagine I have upset everyone I come into contact with :(
I would be interested to know how I can stop this too. It's like I can't stop running scenarios through my mind, I am constantly thinking and worrying.
Delta, this is common for panic sufferers because like you I imagine the very very worst. We are highly skilled at it and do you find you often work out the end of a film before its ended?
I DONT LIKE THE IDEA OF IMAGINING THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN BECAUSE LIKE YOU SAID WE CAN MAKE OURSELFS ILL THINKING ABOUT IT.
The cbt i see said he doesnt belive in therapy because it stresses us anxious people out too much and sets us back rather than forward.
I will keep posting any tips he has given me on stopping UNHELPFULL thoughts.
mirryx
Hi Mirry, I would have done exactly the same thing as you i can't stand how cruel kids can be to other kids. my daughter went through a period of being picked on by two other girls last year when she was in the last year of primary school and it was a truly awful time for me and her and i just wanted to say something to these girls but she begged me not too otherwise i would have had it out with them. the schol were very good and handled it well before it went any further. She is now in her first year of secondary school and the teachers have put these other girls in a different class and she has had no trouble since luckily but I am a constant worrier and can't help thinking that it will happen again. I would do anything to protect my kids from being hurt and I am sure you are the same and my heart goes out to you and your situation.
Try not to dwell on it too much as I am sure nothing will come of it but I am sure I would have reacted to this situation in the same way and I don't blame you for being so angry with that nasty boy.
Take care
Love Lisaxx
Delta & Mirry,
I know exactly what you mean about thinking of the worst possible scenario. That's what my husband says about me - he says that in any situation I see the worst possible outcome - the one that is least likely to happen & then dwell on that. Delta you said you worry about going to prison - I worry that with all this panic & anxiety that I am going to end up being put in a mental hospital & never be allowed out again - never see my family - or worse - the kids will be taken from me - The rationale voice inside me says - you know that won't happen - but the unrationale voice says - how do you know that won't happen? As you know I'm worried about going on a plane to Florida - but it's not just about the plane - at the back of my mind I worry that somehow we end up being accused of some crime over there & they lock us up & we never get back to Britain - or that one of takes seriously ill - ends up in hospital & we can't get back etc. etc. etc. I get myself all tied up in knots about almost anything. That's what I hate most about this anxiety - never being able to just let things go. Sorry this is going of the main subject of this thread abit.
But it does explain why your nervous system is in uproar when you dwell on the worst of what might possibly happen .
The mind cannot distinguish between images that are real or those that are imagined and iit respond to what messages you are giving it and even if its scared imagined images it will respond by feeling scared and if it persists then will respond with anxiety or even panic
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress
But Meg, it's sooooo hard to push the scary images away - they seem bigger & more colourful than the sensible images.
panicdiva, this is why my cbt is starting me off practising asking myself when i have anxiety thoughts..........is this helpfull or unhelpfull ?
So i walk about now labeling everything lol, in the shops today i found ladies socks reduced and found myself asking is this helpfull or unhelpfull, LOL. But what i am trying to do is make it a habit.
by the way you will be fine in florida.
mirryx
Thanks for the vote of confidence Mirry - that is helpful lol!!
Thinking about you hun and here to support you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
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