what do u do when u have a bad day ?

[andrew england 2]

well this is apart from my thread, I went to bed last nite relaxed and looking forward to today and I woke up all jittery, had to take 2 diazepam in the morning and another 2 at 6pm, thats double my normal reduction dose and a dose I used to treat hangovers with.

It has been a day of sleepiness and a sense of hopelessness and a sense of loss and of doubt that anything good will ever come to pass for me, the de pers was here the de real was here along with depression about the emptiness of my life.

I am only 5 days into a half dose of escitalopram and only had one session of cbt today which gave me a work program to take away and I have started reading claire weeks (a few pages anyway) even if someone took away all the anxiety symptoms and panic and de pers today I would still be left with an empty shell of a life and I do hope the meds do take it away, even then what on earth do I have to live for.

I hope this just an aspect of the moderate clinical depression I am supposed to have and that in 6 to 8 wks with full medication I dont feel like this.

All I could do today was double up on the diazepam and more or less shut myself down to make sure I didnt go looking for relief in alcohol, my life is passing me by and I am powerless even to care and all I can do is try to buy time and avoid the one thing that does give me happiness for short while at such a great cost the next day and hope that as the weeks pass that days such as these do not come so often cos I saw a post earlier today that said what is worse 'anxiety or depression' well I had them both today and the depression didn't feel just like depression, it felt like bereavement for the life I had that was so full and today is so empty.

If I can have anything this summer its to go down my local pub and have a few beers with friends and watch england play in the world cup.

Today that seems a long way off cos all I could do today was take away the pain and try to let time pass me by so that I dont go backwards.

I really need to be back working but I am so unmotivated I just can't push myself into it and I know it would be so good for me cos on a day like this my mind would have been occupied my hands busy I would have returned home tired and been grateful for my bed.

[katyfitz]

Hi andrew, like many of us who have stopped working our minds wonder like never before and horrible thoughts come into our minds. I always tghink the worst in every sitiuation and everyday when im alone i cant wait for every one to get home so that i have people with me. I too cant get motivated and feel helpless. Alot of the no energy and lethargic feling comes from feeling so space out and lightheaded and because i feel that way i fear there is no hope i will get better. if the last 7 months has been hell so will the next. In the summer i have my sis wedding and im a bridesmaid, walking down that aisle is gonna be hard and sitting away from a door with no easy exit is gonna be worse but i HAVE no choice i HAVE to do it and already im panicking about it, aswell as panickying i wont make her henweekend as its a cruise to spain, i couldnt think of anything worse but everhthings paid for and i HAVE to go, it feels like a punishment to have to do these things but in time im gonna be greatful because its got me out there, i work a few nights a week and it is helping because im working with the public again. I think maybe you should get a part time job even in a newsagents or a bar and whenever u feel panicky let it happen because as i always tell myself nothing has happend to me yet why will it now. (I.E FAINTING). when im out of home i tend to be more relaxed because im not constantly thinking about what the next day holds and when will the day i feel better be because thats something only I or WE can change. Try looking forward to drinking in the sumer with mates for the world cup instead of dreading it i think the more positiuve we think the better the outcome ive learnt that from my succes thiss weekend. Chin up mate hope ive made a bit of sense

x

[Keitharcher]

Andrew

you will be fine when the meds kick in. In the mean time do you tink doubling up on other meds is a good idea? Next time why dont you try some relaxation techniques they might help. When you feel this way try to resolve a problem over something that your interested in. This will achieve two things, 1) tkae your mind of your anxiety, 2) give you a better understanding of he thing you are interested in. It could be moddeling, computers, graphics anything at all. I hope these suggestions help

Keith

[darkangel]

Hi Andrew
Sorry to hear you are having a bad day
There will be times even when the meds kick in where we feel rubbish. I had one of these mornings and I took myself back off to bed - bliss! No guilt, no searching for answers - sometimes we need to wrap ourselves up and take care of ourselves.
Your body is making adjustments at the moment but try not to put time limits on things - anxiety and depression will take its own course and if you keep yourself eating healthy, getting plenty of rest and working on your thoughts then you are getting there.
Unfortunately there is no overnight fix for anxiety, but through time you will start to see a difference - just think of the changes you have made so far - OK you doubled the dose of diazapam but at least you didnt reach for the bottle.
Keep on going and your sun will shine again.

D/A

........life is for living not just for surviving

[Paddington]

hi Andrew,so sorry you had a down day.But that is all it is mate a bad,down day.I had one too today[was sposed to be going out but bottled it]i felt the same all far away and sad and useless.But it has passed before and will again.I know this may sound daft but u think losing that hour,really does affect our body clocks and so knocks off course a wee bit.Just a blip,mate you are doing BRILLIANTLY.Love mary-rose.xxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Meg]

Whilst you are settling in on the meds this is to be expected.

They are mood alterers and this random stuff may be just a settling in phase


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress