Alone agoraphobia [Archive]

tbourner

17-01-11, 13:10

Anyone ever suffered agoraphobia when alone but not when with someone they trust?
My wife had a breakdown in the street about 4-5 months ago, we were walking the dogs, I took her dog off her and we went home. She was diagnosed with depression and has been off work since, on 10mg and then 20mg Citalopram.
She has done amazingly well in recovery and is now not panicking (noticeably at least) when we have to go out shopping or to someone's house or to do errands for the dog rescue we work for. The only thing she has now is a fear of being out without me, as I've had panic attacks before she knows I'll read the signs and get her out. She tried to go into work last week for a coffee and chat, building up to going back, but she got to the end of the road and had to turn around. She now thinks she's a failure and hates herself for not being strong enough. :weep:
So now we're back to her being low and feeling rubbish. She's seeing her doc tomorrow and I'm off work in the morning so was planning to take her into work after docs and go in with her for a coffee and chat, basically so she gets over some of that 'back to school' anxiety. My plan was next to try to get her to go out on her own for a walk around the block, then see if she wants to go further, maybe at a weekend see if she can walk to work and back. I'm not sure if it's the anxiety of work or just being outside.

Anyone else have anything like this? It's almost as if she was depressed, got over most of that and now has agoraphobia, which has now resulted in depression! :huh:

PoppyC

17-01-11, 15:28

Hi
I am sorry to hear about how your wife is.
She is so lucky to have such an understanding and caring husband.
Has your wife seen a therapist? or is she just taking medication alone? She did well in walking to where she did. She is not a failure at all, but I can understand why she would think that. I know I do with myself. I really get down about it all, but when I have my rational head on, then I understand that I am not a failure, and that agoraphobia is a really difficult phobia to have to deal with. Walking down the road, may be insignificant for someone without agoraphobia, but try doing it with it, and it can feel like 100 miles - thats my opinion anyway.
I don't think personally that anyone can explain agoraphobia, unless you have experienced it yourself. The feelings of it are just horrible at times and it can definitely cause depression.
My agoraphobia got worse after I had a breakdown too.
I am fine if I am out with someone, or out with just my dog, but there is no way anymore that I can go out alone, as it really is too much and too difficult for me - at the moment anyway. I end up crying and breaking down in public :blush:
I take 40mg Citalopram and though it has helped me massively with anxiety, it does not seem to help the agoraphobia, I have found. Agoraphobia is a very difficult phobia to overcome, but a lot of people do however.
A lot of people on this site have agoraphobia. I was surprised at how many people do have it.
Would your wife be able to come onto the site? She would get a lot of help and support.
I hope the gps appointment goes well for you both.
Just to add....I really admire you both for doing dog rescue work! That is my dog above in the pic - he was a rescue dog too.

bellababigurl

17-01-11, 15:38

I am currently agoraphobic as well. I understand everything your wife is going through, its a horrible disorder. I try and push myself to get out of the house and as soon as my house is no longer visible in my mind neither is my "safety zone" causing me to turn around and go back home. Your wife is very lucky to have such an understanding husband, its a tough disease to overcome and i wish her all the luck!

Anxious_gal

17-01-11, 15:41

yep it's the typical agoraphobia safety behavior, you can be almost normal when with a safe person.
CBT would really help, you need to make a plan and work on it EVERY day to slowly build up her confidence but it's best done when using a therapist.

Tish

18-01-11, 16:07

I suffer from agoraphobia but go all over the place with my prop.. my husband. However, I haven't been out of the house without him in 4 years! I do try but I don't push myself enough. I start seeing a psychotherapist tomorrow after a wait of nearly 2 years on the NHS.

diane07

18-01-11, 16:13

My mum started off as my safe person, then i got comfortable with my eldest daughter too and then my partner, i'm now at the point that absolutely anybody can be my safe person, infact a complete stranger will do now as long as i'm not alone.

However since i have started my cbt i have been dealing with going out alone now.

The only way forward is too keep going out constantly until it becomes easy again, its not easy to do but it can be done.

di x

kezstar

18-01-11, 16:18

I'm in the exact same situation, I was depressed and social phobic, then the anxiety started and now its all about the anxiety which has led to agoraphobia which isn't helping my mood.
I'm not a 'typical' agoraphobic as I'm fine with someone else I'm comfortable. I'm currently having weekly sessions of anxiety management and cbt.
I wish my boyfriend was as understanding but he does his best, lol.

The thought of failure and feelings of being pathetic etc are negative ones and you need to help your wife change this asap which is harder said than done as this makes the anxiety and mood worse.

Get to the doctors and try some cbt. Theres usually a pretty long waiting list for cbt tho but theres plenty of self help cbt books you can read.

keep at it without too much pressure and reinforce those positive steps with praise and positive thoughts.

Good luck!

kezstar

18-01-11, 16:21

_Emma

18-01-11, 16:42

I originally suffered from agoraphobia whether I was alone or with someone, but now I do quite well with someone, but I do not do so well on my own, although I am building up my tolerance of being alone step by step.

Firstly can I just say how lucky ur wife is 2 have someone as understanding and supportive as yourself, knowing how supportive u r must be a great deal of comfort for her :)

She is most definately not a failure for walking 2 the end of the road and then turning back, as at least she got 2 the end of the road!! She could have chosen not 2 have left the house at all, so that is amazing! Whatever she does, she will feel a great deal of anxiety, but what I tell myself is that the first time I do anything, it is always going to be the worse, and that every step I take is 1 step closer 2 beating the monster that is anxiety and agoraphobia!

I started with just walking 2 the end of my road and back, with my dad watching me from the gate. I did that about 5 times a day. Then I built up 2 walking round 2 streets and back, again doing this many times a day, until I eventually managed 2 walk around my estate on my own. It's all about small steps, but regular repition of these small steps, so that ur brain learns that it's safe 2 do these things, it's safe 2 be alone, as it's not the places that cause the panic, but the thoughts. Also, it doesn't make a difference whether ur alone or with someone, as the only person who can stop the panic attack is YOU (much much easier said than done, I KNOW!!!)

I hope it helps ur wife even just 2 know that she's not alone xxxx

tbourner

19-01-11, 12:52

Thanks everyone.
I suggested she come on here as it helped me with panic attacks, but she said it makes her feel worse reading about other people, each to their own I suppose.
She went into her work with me yesterday, saw everyone and handed in her sick note for another 3 weeks. She said she felt rubbish and she started crying in there at one point, but she did really well and it was a huge step. Now the plan is to get her out walking on her own. She's fine with me and fine with the dogs with her but not on her own. I'm going to try to get her to walk around the block or something and go from there.

tbourner

24-01-11, 12:41

She went out today whilst I was at work, all on her own!!! She went to the chip shop (about 500 yards away), it was closed and she felt panicky that she couldn't just turn around, so she went in the paper shop next door and bought a pizza from their freezer (1st thing she found so she didn't have to turn around and walk out). I bet that's gonna be a yummy pizza for her as well!