Scared

[Susanw]

Im doing well with the painc,,even the anxiety,,with the help of the tablets, today I cancelled my cpn for tomorrow,,she did call me and we meeting next week,,,did try to tell her, but too scared,,,last Thursday,,have a very bad day so I burned me fingers making a cofee,,got away with it family etc believe it was an accident, but today,,I have boiled the the kettle 3 times and burned the same area's,its looking very sore and weeping, so put a plaster on it to hide the bad bits. My cpn is phoning tomorrow,,should I tell her,,I have tried the real suicide 10 yrs ago,,they got me back and im glad they did,,my sons birthday is in a weeks time,,,I want to be here to see him,,,almost walked away on Sunday,,and not to come back,,Im feeling at rock bottom just now,,,I love my kids and hubby to bits,,why cant I be normal again,,,tomorrow Im going to try hard to think good things,,but I think I will burn my fingers again,,,why cant I be normal again,,hope ive not offended folk with my post,,take care all:hugs:

[Nigel]

Hi Susan,

I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. I think it would be a good idea to talk to your CPN about this, but not to dwell too much on the burning part because that’s not really important. Self harm isn’t about hurting oneself but a way of coping with difficult times and painful emotions in the only way a person knows how. It’s s sort of release and relief, although it often brings with it it’s own problems.

The important things to talk about are the things that happened beforehand. The things that are too hard to cope with in other ways. Then she can help you find better ways of dealing with those things next time.

I know it’s hard to talk about these things, so have you thought about writing a note instead? That’s often easier because you can take your time and change things until it sounds right. That gets the difficult bits out of the way and you can then both discuss what you wrote. I had a good friend who always did that with her doctor and therapist. Sometimes she would send an email before a session.

BTW, she wrote this page about Self Harm (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/selfharm/). You might find it helps.

Take care :)
Nigel

[Anxious_gal]

all normal is: is people pretending they are ok on the outside x it's an illusion.

write down a list of good things about yourself, life and family.
then write down another list of your dreams and hopes for the future.

try and make your sons birthday a goal x

i think you should talk about the self harm, you were feeling so bad that you felt you needed to feel physical pain in order to feel better.

Nigels right , writing can be very helpful.