Alan35
16-03-04, 14:59
Hello, this is my first post, just needed to write something down about the way I have been feeling lately and hopefully get some advice on what to do next.
I am 35 years old, self employed as a graphic designer, A job which I love doing, things are going great, so I should be happy, there are a few stresses related to running your own business but nothing that is complicated.
My wife is expecting our second child, it was unexpected but I found out months ago and never had any negative feeling about it.
Our lifestyle is good, never been more financially secure.
In fact life is pretty good
So why am I getting these horrible attacks.
First one happened about 2 years ago in Spain, long hot day in the sun, felt a bit funny around teatime, 1 hr later I was in a Spanish hospital, convinced I was dyeing, couldn’t breath, insulting the Spanish GP who was actually a very pleasant guy, he gave me valium and fluids through a drip - diagnosis heat stroke.
Got back to the UK 1st day back another attack, drove to hospital 2am feeling like I had drunk 10 pints, just to be told "go home".
Then nothing for 2 years
Then last Thursday I woke at 2am, needed the toilet, went back to bed and started to think about things, worrying little things not serious but they started to come in floods, they were way out of proportion, hot flushes, sweating, got worse when I closed my eyes, chest tightens, cant breathe, heart attack imminent (I thought), more thoughts about dyeing, started to think of who would be affected by this, started to think who would care. Jump out of bed started to try and explain what was happening to my wife, who looked terrified, I demanded she phone the hospital, which she did, we had some diazepam in the medical box, hospital recommended I take 1 to calm me down, I took 3, fell asleep, woke at 11am felt very relaxed and thought how could I possibly feel the way I did, It was such a detached from reality feeling, was I going mad?
Friday was fine, Saturday was fine, Sunday driving back from Edinburgh, listening to some depressing program about Iraq, BANG another attack, felt completely drunk, but did not want to stop driving, just wanted to get home, petrified at junctions, queues of cars behind me beeping because I was so hesitant at junctions and roundabouts, got home eventually, more pills, fell asleep, again woke up thinking this is just crazy.
Monday at work, another attack from nowhere, this time I felt like I had flu, shivering, got appointment with GP that day.
GP had this depression sheet, asked me to look at it and match symptoms, everything had a familiar feel, but I had encountered everything on the sheet at some point in my life, it was basic questions like "do you feel tired and drained", ok yes I had but doesn’t everyone from time to time. Anyway he didn’t examine me just prescribed more diazepam and a general anti-biotic to help cure any little thing that may be wrong with me.
That night another attack despite the medication, again on phone to emergency hospital line demanding an appointment, felt like a total hypochondriac, they told me to come into A&E, I fell asleep didn’t go.
Took rest of week off work and didn’t leave the house, felt safe, no more bad attacks, just hints, slept loads 18 hours per day at least.
Back to work on Monday fine, Tuesday 1pm another bad attack.
Ok I know that the attacks don’t last, but they are terrifying and I worry each time that reality will never be the same.
All I want is to get back into the groove!
Thanks for reading
Alan
I am 35 years old, self employed as a graphic designer, A job which I love doing, things are going great, so I should be happy, there are a few stresses related to running your own business but nothing that is complicated.
My wife is expecting our second child, it was unexpected but I found out months ago and never had any negative feeling about it.
Our lifestyle is good, never been more financially secure.
In fact life is pretty good
So why am I getting these horrible attacks.
First one happened about 2 years ago in Spain, long hot day in the sun, felt a bit funny around teatime, 1 hr later I was in a Spanish hospital, convinced I was dyeing, couldn’t breath, insulting the Spanish GP who was actually a very pleasant guy, he gave me valium and fluids through a drip - diagnosis heat stroke.
Got back to the UK 1st day back another attack, drove to hospital 2am feeling like I had drunk 10 pints, just to be told "go home".
Then nothing for 2 years
Then last Thursday I woke at 2am, needed the toilet, went back to bed and started to think about things, worrying little things not serious but they started to come in floods, they were way out of proportion, hot flushes, sweating, got worse when I closed my eyes, chest tightens, cant breathe, heart attack imminent (I thought), more thoughts about dyeing, started to think of who would be affected by this, started to think who would care. Jump out of bed started to try and explain what was happening to my wife, who looked terrified, I demanded she phone the hospital, which she did, we had some diazepam in the medical box, hospital recommended I take 1 to calm me down, I took 3, fell asleep, woke at 11am felt very relaxed and thought how could I possibly feel the way I did, It was such a detached from reality feeling, was I going mad?
Friday was fine, Saturday was fine, Sunday driving back from Edinburgh, listening to some depressing program about Iraq, BANG another attack, felt completely drunk, but did not want to stop driving, just wanted to get home, petrified at junctions, queues of cars behind me beeping because I was so hesitant at junctions and roundabouts, got home eventually, more pills, fell asleep, again woke up thinking this is just crazy.
Monday at work, another attack from nowhere, this time I felt like I had flu, shivering, got appointment with GP that day.
GP had this depression sheet, asked me to look at it and match symptoms, everything had a familiar feel, but I had encountered everything on the sheet at some point in my life, it was basic questions like "do you feel tired and drained", ok yes I had but doesn’t everyone from time to time. Anyway he didn’t examine me just prescribed more diazepam and a general anti-biotic to help cure any little thing that may be wrong with me.
That night another attack despite the medication, again on phone to emergency hospital line demanding an appointment, felt like a total hypochondriac, they told me to come into A&E, I fell asleep didn’t go.
Took rest of week off work and didn’t leave the house, felt safe, no more bad attacks, just hints, slept loads 18 hours per day at least.
Back to work on Monday fine, Tuesday 1pm another bad attack.
Ok I know that the attacks don’t last, but they are terrifying and I worry each time that reality will never be the same.
All I want is to get back into the groove!
Thanks for reading
Alan