am i overreacting to this?

[pia]

Hiya,

Not sure if this is the right section of the forum to post this or not. Was just wondering if anyone had any advice, or experience of something similar:shrug:
Ok, ive been feeling really positive the last couple of days(for me anyhow!) am weaning myself off seroxat, have stopped drinking and Smoking, started running, and got myself on a training course. Have been feeling almost proud of myself! My disturbing thoughts had stopped and and have been feeling a lot calmer.

All this changed so suddenly yesterday though after a comment my boyfriend made to me. It was a really vulgar comment (bout my appearance) he meant it as a joke (i think) but it upset me so much it was all i could do not to burst into tears there and then. I tried really hard not to let it show how hurt and angry i was (which is somethin i do a lot) and so we went shopping as planned. He pretty much ignored me for all of the journey there (possibly cause he was upset too, im not sure) this made me feel more and more panicky as i tend to associate this silence with the onset of an angry/violent outburst (not from him, but from family members when i was a child) anyway, to cut a long and rambling story short i ended up having a panic attack in the shopping centre(i felt it coming and so took myself off to the ladies out of the way. Havnt been able to stop crying since, havnt had an attack for months- ifeel like ive let myself down as i was doing so well. :weep: Am trying to make sense of it but its so confusing: have i got an emotionally abusive partner (he does say unkind things to me quite a lot, but then he says them jokingly, so i wonder if i am overreacting???? )

AM i overreacting to a silly comment which he meant nothing by? is this a normal reaction to feeling criticed and bullied?
Sorry this is so long winded, i just feel so down about it and too stupid to try and explain it to him.

Thanks for reading. xx

[gaaron]

Hi Pia, Well done with all the changes you are making! It's good when you can feel benefits from your hard work :). When we make changes it's normal to sometimes slip back into 'old mode' as the brain is still learning the 'new mode'. Keep going, you will continue to feel better.
With regards to your question, I don't really know how to advise you. But I do understand, as when I read your post I thought 'gee, I could have wrote that'. All I know is that deep down you will know the answer.
It could be you're more sensitive at the moment as your body is getting used to your new regime. Take care xx

[pia]

Thanks gaaron and dahlia :)

I probably am more sensitive right now. Its helpful to know that other people understand how i feel- it means so much, thanks:) Reading about depression and panic attacks etc has also brought back a lot of painful memories from my childhood, the bf comment just tapped right into the part of my brain that remembers that men are cruel and abusive. It is like you said though Dahlia- negative, out of the blue comments about my appearance that are disguised as jokes. Thing is, my appearance is the only thing about me that im actually happy with! so it feels like hes trying to take that one thing away from me- but of course, he wont discuss it when i ask him what he means by it he says its 'just a joke'
I guess i know deep down that its wrong, i just want him to stop. I know hes insecure about himself right now, hes quite a bit older than me, and has asked me why im with him when i could be with someone younger etc. I dont want someone younger, i want him! but i feel like these comments are driving me away. I feel that if they dont stop, one day i will just up and leave. I doubt my own judgement though, its much simpler for me to take the blame myself, though i know this will just make me unhappy.
x

[Nigel]

Hi Pia,

Well done for making all those positive changes :yesyes:

I had a good friend who was very sensitive and often took things the wrong way. Sometimes she tried to explain, and I wish she did that more often because it’s the only way I got to know. I did get to learn as I got to know her better, but often it only came out sometime later while we were talking about something else.

After a while I could tell when I said something wrong, even without her telling me. Sometimes you get to know a person too well and it’s hard to hide things. Perhaps your boyfriend knows you well enough to know when he’s said the wrong thing, hence the awkward silence.

“AM i overreacting to a silly comment which he meant nothing by? is this a normal reaction to feeling criticed and bullied?”

It’s all very personal. One person’s silly comment is another person’s big deal. The most important person to you is you, so if it’s important to you then it’s important!

If he’s a caring and understanding sort of person, I’d try to explain to him how such comments make you feel, and why. Try not to direct things at him though because that can sometimes sound confrontational and the other person becomes all defensive. And avoid asking what he means by it because he probably doesn’t have a particular reason. While he’s trying to think of one, he isn’t being as receptive to what you’re trying to say. So try to keep it all about yourself. How certain comments make you feel – in general, not just from him – and why, and how you would like things to be instead. Then leave him to mull it over.

The bottom line is that we cannot make another person change, but we can sometimes make them want to change. And to do that we have to help them learn or understand something new.

I hope he listens and is prepared to take your feelings into consideration. If he isn’t, I think you’ve learnt a valuable lesson.

Take care :)
Nigel

[pia]

Thanks Nigel, thats really good advice. We tried to talk earlier, but it turned confrontational very quickly. I tried to explain that im struggling emotionally whilst reducing this drug, but i dont think he has any idea just how hard this is for me. Before he left he told me that things were easy for me as i have no stress in my life (he is facing bankruptsy and he very worried about his business) I know that it may seem that way to others, (i dont have massive financial worries etc) but what im going through is a nightmare for me! at least if it were something to do with the outside world i could escape, I cant escape whats going on in my own head- i have to learn how to live with it.

Anyway, on a positive note ignored the nasty voices in my head, telling me to go out and get drunk, or hurt myself in some way. Went out for a run with the dog instead. So im pleased that i was able to look after myself and turn the negative thoughts round a bit. Im sat here a bit scared of whats gonna happen when he gets back, but whatever it is i know i can handle it. xxxxx

[gaaron]

Well done Pia for going out for a run! Take care x

[pia]

Thanks for your support Gaaron:D

So glad i found this site. :hugs:xx