harasgenster
22-01-11, 18:36
This is going to sound really, really strange. First of all, I haven't fallen out with my boyfriend, I do love him and I'm not angry with him.
He went out last night to a party with a few people he used to take drugs with. I have a funny reaction to the word "drugs" or the concept of them. I have nothing against them per se and am of the group that does not consider them dangerous - or not more dangerous than alcohol anyway.
It's a long story but I made an association ages ago between the mere concept of drugs and being lonely. It's got to do with all my friends disappearing when I was a teenager and, although them taking drugs at the time is actually quite a tenuous link, the association has been made.
He told me he wouldn't take drugs (not that I have any right to tell him what to do - I'd hate it if he told ME what to do!) but hasn't come home yet because he says he is not fit to drive.
It actually doesn't matter whether he's taken drugs or not. Really doesn't matter. It's the fact that him just being around these friends has brought the idea of drugs into my mind and since he left yesterday evening I just immediately spiralled down into depression and loneliness - because of the drugs thing rather than being on my own, you understand! We do actually live with other people!
Now not only do I not want him to come home but I never want to see him again. I don't really understand why. I'm not angry at him. I just genuinely never want to see him again.
I'm really confused about this and it's quite upsetting. I know we're not exactly psyhotherapists here but can anybody shed a light? I sort of think that if I could just understand this I could tackle it!
He went out last night to a party with a few people he used to take drugs with. I have a funny reaction to the word "drugs" or the concept of them. I have nothing against them per se and am of the group that does not consider them dangerous - or not more dangerous than alcohol anyway.
It's a long story but I made an association ages ago between the mere concept of drugs and being lonely. It's got to do with all my friends disappearing when I was a teenager and, although them taking drugs at the time is actually quite a tenuous link, the association has been made.
He told me he wouldn't take drugs (not that I have any right to tell him what to do - I'd hate it if he told ME what to do!) but hasn't come home yet because he says he is not fit to drive.
It actually doesn't matter whether he's taken drugs or not. Really doesn't matter. It's the fact that him just being around these friends has brought the idea of drugs into my mind and since he left yesterday evening I just immediately spiralled down into depression and loneliness - because of the drugs thing rather than being on my own, you understand! We do actually live with other people!
Now not only do I not want him to come home but I never want to see him again. I don't really understand why. I'm not angry at him. I just genuinely never want to see him again.
I'm really confused about this and it's quite upsetting. I know we're not exactly psyhotherapists here but can anybody shed a light? I sort of think that if I could just understand this I could tackle it!