Will the way I feel ever go away?

[jann]

Hello, I realise I need some support and hope I can do the same for other members eventually.....I can identify with so many of the other posts. How sad I feel that there are so many people out there feeling like me and so many feeling so much worse... I have had to cope with pain for a few years now and I cant come to terms with that but do struggle by from one day to the next with the help of zomorph. . . but I seem to have become a bit of a stay at home, Ive not left the house at all for 4mths. I seem to have got into the habit of not answering the door or phone. The last 6mths i have only left the house to go to the doctors but now I consult with her over the fone... I have been having panic attacks for over year and and just keep the curtains closed so no one will bother me... Im sure I will sort myself out but where does one start... Being afraid to go out and not being able to tell anybody how I feel.... Ive been reading all the info on this site, but youve got to want help and I think as long as I can stay behind the curtains I feel ......Well I dont know how I feel!!! I just know I dont want to be out......Anyone got a magic wand...lol....Hi anyway......

[nomorepanic]

Hi jann

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[paula lynne]

Hi Jann, welcome to a fantastic supportive forum. Youre not alone, lots of members here suffer with anxiety and agoraphobic issues, (me too!), and lots are going through recovery. In time youll find lots of help and good advice as you get used to us and the site. Dont give up, your recovery may have just begun love xxx:welcome:

[gypsywomen]

the answer is yes you can get better its hard but if you learn to go with the feelings :hugs:

[Kell]

Hi Jann,

If only there was a magic wand :weep:. I've wished that many a time myself.

There are plenty of people on this forum who can relate to how you're feeling. Perhaps reading their stories & communicating with them might give you the confidence to start trying to change things.

There is plenty of good advice on this website so reading through it would be a good starting point. You can talk to people on here in confidence but there is nothing to be ashamed of if that is what is preventing you from talking to other people about it. It might help you to talk to others about it.

Take care & keep us updated as to your progress

Kel
x

[faith2011]

hi jann,

What triggered your panic attack from a year ago. What type of symtoms do you get.

[jann]

Wow.. How very nice for you all to take the time to reply...Well Faith I thought It was a heart problem at first that I had and have spent the night in hospital after what I realise now was a panic attack. I cant fault my doctors care she sent me for all kinds of tests and has convinced me I have a healthy heart. I take citilapram but they as yet dont seem to help.... My daughter thinks the stress is from having to cope with the constant pain I have from the stenosis of the spine, and just over a year ago I started with ostioarthritus. (please do forgive my spelling), I have that in most of my joints now ....... Pain I can just about cope with.... What I find difficult is at any time of the day or night, without any cause sometimes I start to feel dizzy, hot/cold and clammy. My chest feels tight and I feel something strange on my throat, I get short of breath and feel like I am about to die. I know its not a heart attack and I can controll it to some extent now...I just seem now I dont want to go out...I dont want to see friends or family if I'm honest... I dont want to pick the fone up when it rings and if someone knocks on the door I get very stressed. I wont even go to the dustbin incase anyone sees me... I know its wrong....Its took quite a long time to post on here but I just told myself I'm in controll of this and I dont know any of you and you dont know me and some how that makes it easy.....Paula, Gypsywomen and Kell your right there is alot of comfort on this site and I wouldnt be sharing my problem with anyone if it wasnt for this forum. I feel I have made the first step to getting back to living... Thankyou all...xx

[midgey]

Hi Jan,

I can relate to lots of your post as well. Have you read the pages on here about agoraphobia? I am not as bad as I was but 2 years ago I wouldn't answer the door or answer the phone or want to see anyone.....like you say, I'd panic.

I hope that like me, you will be encouraged by all the positive comments you get on here. This site has become my friend :D

I am absolutely fed up with feeling the way I do, but this site reinforces the point that the only real way I'll get through this is to challenge my negative and distorted thinking. There are many people who will support you and encourage .......Good Luck

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:
Paige x

[jann]

Thankyou Midgey and Paige.

To be honest I dont recognise this person I have become! I can understand you being fed up with your situation...My husband leaves for work at 6.45am and he opens all the curtains as he leaves...When I hear the car pull away I close them all again, then turn the ring off the fone so I dont have to listen to it.

I am begining to struggle with excuses.. Friends inviting me to meet for coffee, family wanting to pop in... There is only so many times I can say I have chest infections and other problems that I dont want to pass on to them so best stay clear....

I am not sure any one thing has made me like this.. Do people like us know what sets them off?

Its good to talk...Thankyou....xx

[midgey]

Nope, I certainly don't know what set me off...I think it may have been a period of being really unwell but when I analyse the situation (I do too much of this), I had dealt with lots of major things before then and I didn't end up with anxiety then.......None of it makes sense.

I have spent too much time wishing this would go away. I avoided things and people, thinking that I'd be alright and back to my normal self after a while. What I know now is, that the only thing that makes this go away is confronting the fear.

Try and plan for Monday something you can do....set yourself a small goal....it might just be that you walk to the local shop, smile at the person behing the counter and say hello.......it will be the first small step.

Keep in touch, good luck,

[jann]

Well..I hate weekends... It is so hard to have to make excuses... My husband really does not grasp that it has nothing to do with him that i do not want to go out... We have had words....Well he had all the words...I just cant be bothered....You see, if I loved him....Thats really loved him I would have gone out for a ride in the car.... I couldnt go, I wouldnt go..So now I feel guilty and stupid... and he feels I dont love him... What now?..

[snowgoose]

hello Jann,
I understand completely how hard it is to leave the place where you feel safe .
I REALLY DO .
And it is so hard for our partners to get even a glimpse of the terror of leaving our home and facing up to yet another panic attack .
communication is the key of course ........but it is too much sometimes to even articulate how we are feeling .
your husband is probably trying very hard in his own way to help by taking you out for a drive etc . IT IS IMPOSSIBLE for anyone who hasnt had this fear to understand really .
I would advise in a quiet time to show him the literature and info on the left of this page. tell him it isnt his fault [which I hope it isnt ] ..........and then talk.
information and understanding is the key thing to overcoming this .
sending positive vibes your way :hugs:

[jann]

Bless you snowgoose, you really do understand...My husband is from the "pull yourself together" era... I was also like that too....

[snowgoose]

Ah yes :weep:
the pull yourself together wisdom .....from people who just cannot get that fear and panic .....and thank god they will never ever know it.
I wouldnt wish this horror on any one .

But you are not alone anymore Jann eh? there are so many of us out here xx
And we will beat this all of us .........cos we have joined this forum and that means we are actively helping ourselves :yesyes:
it is the best step we have made ................a step to the freedom that escapes us now .........but is in reach through education...... why we feel as we do ...........information how we can help our selves ..........and a safe place to talk and type .
you are so not alone .
and neither is your husband .......we are here .

a thanks to Nicola for making this forum ...........so wish it had been available when I was desperate to talk 10 years ago .

understanding why adrenaline affects our bodies so much and kicks off such awful symptoms is a big step towards recovery from fear.
please try to get your husband to read a bit . The lovely thing about your post is that he was trying . xxx

[midgey]

Well said snowgoose.
How does anyone who hasn't experienced it understand?
I had an email from a really old friend yesterday, she asked if I'd like to meet up for a meal.
I emailed her back. instead of making excuses, I said I was struggling with anxiety......she emailed back and said "that's fine, we can stay in and get a takeaway. Because she has taken the pressure off I actually am on the verge of emailing back to say I'd actually like to go out somewhere. The thing is, I know that I willl only really move forward when I walk through the fear....problem is that I'm scared.
Will this feeling ever go away? I bloody hope so !!
Hugs,

[Ali-1983]

I had a really good Monday and Tuesday then boom....really sore headache and dizzyness. Then i couldnt remember the name of a file on the computer i use all the time and that sent me into a panic.
I wanted to go a run tonight as i feel sooooo unfit but coudn't. I get the "you'll have to snap out of this" from my folks and the "oh not the head thing again you've already seen BUPA and they said you're fine" :mad:

Im at the stage tonight where i think im not even anxious about this anymore.......the fed up of feeling like this stage, the couldnt give a **** what it is just go away stage. If its serious then just kill me now.

I was feeling so positive start of the week too :weep:

[jann]

Dear Michelle and Alli
I am not very good at supporting other people, I am always worried I may say the wrong thing... But my heart goes out to you both I truly truly wish you both recover in time.. I don't think being scared will kill us and Alli who........... isn't fed up on this forum at some stage... We are not alone now, We will win!! ...XX