Am I having a breakdown??

[d4zzling]

About a year ago I split from my wife and moved out of the family home, leaving behind my 2 children. The reasons behind this are many fold but the hardest was knowing that she was at the very least having facebook dirty chat with ex school friends (whilst I worked long hours to pay for the good lifestyle we had and she began to expect), the rest I can only guess.

Since then I have lived on my own and have found this incredibly hard both in terms of being lonely and the pressures of needing to raise more income to cover more bills, maintenance etc.

Also I have my own business which after a few years of reasonable trading is suffering a bit with the state of the economy and if I am being honest is my reduced enthusiasm because of my state of mind.

My time with my kids (2 nights a week) has become less and less fun for them as I just can't be in a great frame of mind.

About 2 months ago I met a lovely girl and our time together has been great but I found myself getting strangely anxious when we are apart (usually only for 2 or 3 days at a time). She has now gone on holiday with her freinds and I am quite literally falling apart and feel worse than I have ever felt.

Its almost like everything that has happened over the past couple of years is about to push me over the edge, including the feeling that even though I am trying to hold it in that my anxieties over my new girlfriend are pushing her away. Maybe I am for the first time really scared of another failed relationship.

I know find myself drinking more alone and not having the energy for anything other than a bit of running I do. I can see my business is suffering and I am about to chuck away another relationship.

In short I am rock bottom and find myself telling myself a couple of times a day to "snap out of it" BUT it's really not that easy!

I am totally lost with it all!

[JT69]

Hi,

I dont think that you are having a breakdown but I think that all that has happened to you is surfacing and causing the insecurities with your new girlfriend and understandably too!!!

Have you spoken to your new partner about how you are feeling?? Often once someone understands if they truely care about you they will help you work through it.

"snap out of it" I hate that expression as when you suffer with anxiety etc you cannot just snap out of it.....I have been told to do that in the past and its just not possible.

When is your girlfriend back? You may find you will settle down when she does. When someone has been hurt in the past though it does take time to build up trust and assurance.

My first husband cheated on me on several occasions and used to be so possessive with me I could hardly look at another male (or I got a beating), I had no idea he was doing this and I carried on being the dutyfull wife and did everything he told me for a quiet life. Then I found out and after a few occasions couldn't take any more, so we parted (long story) and I met my husband that I am with now. It took a long time for me to fully trust him as I thought the same things would happen to me again but I did get there, through being honest with him and telling him how I was feeling, he understood and we got there.

Is there anyone you can talk to?? I found that helped me.

I hope I have helped you...though I know your situation is rather different to mine...and I hope you sort your anxieties out and move forward from this.

Take care.
Jo.xx

[midgey]

Hi D4zzling,

Firstly, Hi and welcome.

I'm really sorry you feel so down. In answer to your question, I don't think you are having a breakdown either.
You have obviously had a really bad couple of years and that is having an impact on your psychological health. My anxiety and panic all came after a really traumatic time in my life as well (ill health). Anything you read on the subject says that major life events can have an impact such as this. I think the breakdown of your marriage would certainly fall into this category :weep:

I have had a few occasions where my emotions ran away with me and I felt like I was loosing the plot/ having a breakdown. Once I was talked out of my negative thoughts I realised I wasn't having a breakdown, I'd just allowed my negative thinking to work myself into a "frenzy"......when I feel like this I tend to "catastrophise" which is common. I allow so many "what if's" to flood my brain.

I would say the first step, as well as talking to your new partner, is to go onto Amazon and look up some self help books. I have many, and I'm currently working my way through the anxiety and phobia workbook. It might also benefit to talk to your GP, you may alsoo have a degree of depression. Medication may not be the answer, but have you thought of counselling....you have been through a major life changing thing that you may need to talk through with someone,

Anyway, good luck and let us know how you are getting on,

[d4zzling]

Thank you to both Jo and Midgey for the kinds words. It's reassuring to know that it's not just me!

Have several good friends but would never dream of talking to them about such things (it's a man thing I guess). My closest brother was the one that on one or two drunken nights 2 years ago helped me see sense that marriage had run its course, unfortunately he moved to Australia last year.

Have been to two counselling sessions over past 2 weeks. Had never done this before in my life but I desperately want to be in a better place.

I will look for some books. I got one from Amazon this week called "feeling good, the mood therapy". Had no chance to read as yet but might grab a read later.

My new girlfriend rang me from holiday late last night as I think she read between the lines in one or two texts and she went out of her way to reassure me that I'm very much on her mind and there's only room for me in her life (even got a "ILY!). I just think that I don't want her to see this "ugly" side of me as we've just had fun and some very close times up until very recently. I think if the shoe was on the other foot I might be scared off a little by a women with my current traits! Midgey you are so right as I also allow so many "what if's" to flood my brain!

Anyway, thanks again. I'm hoping the counselling, books, girlfriend and your kind replies will all help me get over this and get back to "normal" (whatever that means!).