Citalopram 40mg numbing my partner?

[hopeful78]

Hi,
I decided to write here as I am in a situation I cant figure out myself… I am struggling with my partner of 2 years trying to erase me from his life... it kills me because i love him.

We had an amazing almost 2 years and i don’t want to loose him. The problem is he at some point was put on Citalopram due to his Anxieties (not depression!) and with time it affected him, and the distance between us begun to grow... I must have missed it and now its really there (both emotionally and sexually) I though we both are busy and tired, there is always some sort of routine in a relationship when you start to live with someone etc... i missed the fact it might be the ADs

very recently he was made redundant and completely broke down, closed himself and distanced from me… I tried to say its going to be ok and that I love him and WE will go through this and I will support him, but it seems like
he is not listening.

also those Citalopram pills are making him unable to show any emotions even when he is trying... he said he doesn’t live his life, he lives next to it, and he has become someone he doesn’t know anymore... he also cannot cry and has lower libido.

All of that really scares me - but I want to be there for him – still he wont talk to me.

The last time we had conversation - and i pushed him for some answers - he said he wants to end this relationship - which broke my heart. Later he said it was premature, but i am already broken...

I desperately want to help him and seeing him so lost and sad is really hard...
right now he is taking a "break" he left to his parents house to slow down and have some time to think... I am afraid that he will decide to over our relationship... not because its not working but because he feels like he's a failure and I don’t know maybe even that I don’t understand him or cant listen I don’t know – which I think we should talk about not just end a gorgeous relationship, when we made plans, felt like soul mates etc.

so the question is - maybe someone has been through the similar situation? I would really appreciate any help… I am going crazy…

I wonder how much those pills are affecting him? And how to make him stop taking them or lower the dosage? And just basically how to explain to him that we are just at the bump in road and we will go through it!
I am really worried he is falling into depression now and wont be able to see what im trying to tell him….

Thanks so much

[suzy-sue]

Hi and :welcome:..I think your boyfriend is probably feeling very low in self esteem right now .Not only is he suffering with the side effects of Citalopram ,he has also lost his job .His reaction to this is perfectly understandable .The feelings of numbness you describe are sometimes experienced and also the lack of sex drive .He really needs to go back to his GP and explain how he is feeling .Drugs will not cure Anxiety permanantly .this has to be done from within .All the drugs do is enable you to do that .They help with the symptoms not the cause .He would definately benefit from some form of councelling and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (C.B.T) .he needs to ask about this when he sees his Dr .It will eneble him to see things in a different way and do more good than just taking Medication .Once off the Medication he will no longer feel like he does .I f feeling like he does at the moment is making him unhappy ,he would be better off without it .However he should not just stop taking it ,but reduce very slowly and manage to cope on each dose for a while before he reduces again .It can take a while but as he reduces so his feelings will resurface .Thus needs to be done with the Drs approval and knowledge .There are plenty of different drug treatments for Anxiety ,even herbal ones that may suit him better .Thats if he needs it .and is willing to try something else .Im sure he is just feeling very low due to the circumstances at the moment .But this will pass once he does something about it .Hes very lucky to have someone who cares enough about him to seek advice .And I hope that things work out for you both .Maybe you can tell him to join here as well ? He will get plenty of help and support to help him through .Theres always someone who has experienced the same or similar here and recovered . Take care Sue x:hugs:

[hopeful78]

Thanks Sue! I really appreciate it... I wish he could see that I am here for him :(


when we begun to be together he wasnt on any ADs and he was suffering from mild anxiety attacks - he was telling me about, like on the tube or in a shop. in an office when the stress level were high. I was really supporting him and told him to see a GP and he did.
Unfortunately ****** GP put him on ADs immediately - which i think was too much - mind you his anxiety wasnt uncontrollable - he was still able to go through them - but then i dont know how he felt. so he started taking them i think maybe a year ago or so... started on a small 5mg, then 10mg than 20mg - and i have to say at the very beginning even with the smaller dosage he was so happy because the anxiety stopped and our life was great and he could still laugh and cry etc.
then - and im sorry i dont know when it happens - he was put on 40mg - maybe 6 months?
and its a downfall from there!
he was going to a therapy CBT - but he stopped some time ago!

I just really dont know how to talk to him now - so i dont push him away!
i really truly believe he needs to see a GP go back to the therapy and it will be fine.
but how can i make him see that
if im too pushy he will run away - and i cant just ignore him

its so hard now when he is at his mums house and im all alone in our flat
i miss him so much and love him and hate him at the same time - for leaving me behind like this :( when all i want to do is cuddle him and say its going to be all right and i want to support him and see him happy again :(

he will be back in a few days and we have to talk - but im afraid that i will say something wrong
or he will have his mind already made up - and there is nothing i can say or do really to keep him with me...

its such a horrible feeling :(

thank you again for talking to me

[Stezzle]

Have you considered maybe talking to his parents about the affects that the higher dosage is having on their son. I mean in terms of interacting with people etc. She may be able to talk to him about going back the doctors and seeking to reduce the dosage as it sounds like it is too high for him. Mums have this great way of talking sense into their children. :D

I also suggest that you find things to do around the house etc. You need to find yourself again as it seems you have lost who you are by completely involving everything into your bf and making him everything. You also need to consider that this might have a bad outcome and how you are going to deal with and make plans if you need someone to move in and help with the rent etc. As you dont want to put yourself in money trouble.

If he does come back and calls it off i think its because he needs to work through this and then he might come back being a better boyfriend then before.

Just some ideas. Chin up xxx

[hopeful78]

I did email his mum - just saying im very worried about him and love him and she promised to talk to him about going to seek professional help.

But i still can't focus on anything else... i can't give up just yet!

Part of me really hopes we will have a lovely talk when he comes home and he will realise that it will be difficult for both of us - but there will be new job and there will be a future... and he doesn't have top push me away!

will see....

[Stezzle]

I did email his mum - just saying im very worried about him and love him and she promised to talk to him about going to seek professional help.

But i still can't focus on anything else... i can't give up just yet!

Part of me really hopes we will have a lovely talk when he comes home and he will realise that it will be difficult for both of us - but there will be new job and there will be a future... and he doesn't have top push me away!

will see....

Never give up and walk away til you have given it 100% because if things dont work out then you know you did everything you could. Good Luck and i hope things truly work out for you.

He may feel alone even though it is surround by people who love him. Anxiety is the mind playing tricks on the mind. He has to win the battle within but he shouldnt disconnect from the people around him. :D

Chin up chuck xxx

[tash1969]

i have sent you private message hun am in same boat x