Quiet-Lift
28-01-11, 20:54
Hi. :smile:
I posted this in the complaints section on Jan.23. It was suggested I post it elsewhere in the hope of getting more responses.
If you can bear with me, thankyou. If it seems a bit intense or unco-ordinated I apologise. I'm not going to deny it and it probably should have gone into my private journal.
I'd like to think that NMP can be a safe haven for this kind of disclosure. I'm not crazy but my Mental Health history means that certain others may perceive me to be.
Why do I always feel so awful in the mornings? It gets me down!
In the evening or during the early hours, I sometimes have this wonderful feeling of calm and optimism. Not often, but from time to time it permeates my spirit and I am grateful.
But in the morning. Groan :weep:. I don't want to get out of bed so I lay there and stew. Sometimes, I don't get up until 2:00 in the afternoon and then kick myself for wasting so much time cowering under the bedclothes.
Why do I always succumb to these waking-up frighteners? I'm fed up with it. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS DAILY MISERY.:mad:
I think I've done bloody well putting up with these bouts of depression for over thirty years, not to mention the crippling anxiety and several disabling phobias.
I could easily have become a drunk or a street-drug addict! I stopped smoking four years ago because I wanted to do something positive about my health and now I'm about three stone overweight, diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and am swallowing at least six different medications daily. :ohmy:
Sometimes, I don't feel like a human being. I feel out of sorts and disconnected with others. Clumsy, inept and useless. I know it's the depression warping my perceptions and thinking, but it can all seem so unpleasantly real...and it's a major drag.
My thoughts can be a mess sometimes. Broken, jagged and incomplete. Be they memories or future fantasies in words or picture form. Like a bubbling pot full of angry abuse or cruel orders and callous laughter, all mixed and mashed into a complete mess. I guess this is what the anxiety can do?:scared15:
I'm not always like this of course. I've had some moments of clarity. Even a sense of purpose where I could focus on something for a time.
Maybe it's the physical bodily sensations of fear which can create this confusion in my mind. I've never got used to the sweating, the churning stomach, racing heartbeat, and that awful chilly stab to the heart which follows any shock or unexpected event.
If you've read all this. Thankyou. Can you relate to any of it? Any sensible advice or pointers to how I can get myself into a more pleasant state of being would be most appreciated. Let me know what may have worked for you.
I don't want to believe I'm banging away on this keyboard or banging my noggin' against a virtual brick wall. Any responses would be most welcome.
Moan over. :smile:
I posted this in the complaints section on Jan.23. It was suggested I post it elsewhere in the hope of getting more responses.
If you can bear with me, thankyou. If it seems a bit intense or unco-ordinated I apologise. I'm not going to deny it and it probably should have gone into my private journal.
I'd like to think that NMP can be a safe haven for this kind of disclosure. I'm not crazy but my Mental Health history means that certain others may perceive me to be.
Why do I always feel so awful in the mornings? It gets me down!
In the evening or during the early hours, I sometimes have this wonderful feeling of calm and optimism. Not often, but from time to time it permeates my spirit and I am grateful.
But in the morning. Groan :weep:. I don't want to get out of bed so I lay there and stew. Sometimes, I don't get up until 2:00 in the afternoon and then kick myself for wasting so much time cowering under the bedclothes.
Why do I always succumb to these waking-up frighteners? I'm fed up with it. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS DAILY MISERY.:mad:
I think I've done bloody well putting up with these bouts of depression for over thirty years, not to mention the crippling anxiety and several disabling phobias.
I could easily have become a drunk or a street-drug addict! I stopped smoking four years ago because I wanted to do something positive about my health and now I'm about three stone overweight, diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and am swallowing at least six different medications daily. :ohmy:
Sometimes, I don't feel like a human being. I feel out of sorts and disconnected with others. Clumsy, inept and useless. I know it's the depression warping my perceptions and thinking, but it can all seem so unpleasantly real...and it's a major drag.
My thoughts can be a mess sometimes. Broken, jagged and incomplete. Be they memories or future fantasies in words or picture form. Like a bubbling pot full of angry abuse or cruel orders and callous laughter, all mixed and mashed into a complete mess. I guess this is what the anxiety can do?:scared15:
I'm not always like this of course. I've had some moments of clarity. Even a sense of purpose where I could focus on something for a time.
Maybe it's the physical bodily sensations of fear which can create this confusion in my mind. I've never got used to the sweating, the churning stomach, racing heartbeat, and that awful chilly stab to the heart which follows any shock or unexpected event.
If you've read all this. Thankyou. Can you relate to any of it? Any sensible advice or pointers to how I can get myself into a more pleasant state of being would be most appreciated. Let me know what may have worked for you.
I don't want to believe I'm banging away on this keyboard or banging my noggin' against a virtual brick wall. Any responses would be most welcome.
Moan over. :smile: