sheza1507
30-01-11, 23:43
Im 27 and new to this forum and i didnt realise there are so many people out there the same as me.
Since the age of 4 when i first woke in the middle of the night crying for my dad telling him i was terrified of dying i have always had a phobia of it. Through the years i have been able to control it but if i let myself think about i could feel myself starting to panick. This is why i have ignored it for 26 years and it wasnt until 2009 that it hit me for real.
I had just given birth to my 5th child, my first girl and when she was 8 days old she couldnt control her breathing and was going blue, the paramedics came and luckily she was alright but this happened on another 2 occasions. At the time of this happening my Mum was in hospital having a knee replacement and had to have blood transfusions, my partners dad had pneumonia, his cousin had a brain tumour and my aunties husband was dying from lukeamia. I remember the eaxct moment when for me it all went wrong. I laid in bed when all of a sudden i felt this trickling sensation which i can only describe as a dripping tap in my brain, i automatically remembered my friend who died aged 19 from a brain aneurysm 2 yrs previous and i automatically believed i had the same. All of a sudden my head went very fuzzy, my heart was going rapidm i was shaking, i couldnt breath. I honestly believed i was dying...so much so that i dialled 999. I have never had a panic attack in my life so this seriously scared the hell out of me. After this my health has become a constant issue in my life. I put myself in anti-depressants as i became so unhappy, refusing to leave my bedroom. I was on sertraline 100mg and have been for the past 18mths.
I split from my partner 8 mths ago and have been through a very stressful and emotional time and dealing with my HA aswell has been hard but i decided to take back control of my life and nearly 4 weeks ago i stopped my Anti'ds. I was told by docs it wants a good time, the time of year, stressful time in my life etc but i decided the time was right for me. The past week or two has been hard, i am feeling the effects of not being on them and it seems my senses are at their highest and i can notice every body sensation or function with my body. Today my hear missed a beat...that sent me into a partial panic where my heart then races but i manage to control it so it goes no further. I believe that if i lasted 25 years without needing them then i can do it again.
I hope one day that i will be back to myself again but at the moment i constantly check my pulse, if i dnt feel well i think the worse, ive always had a bad back since the birth of my twins but when it hurts im convinced i have a tumour on my spine, headaches become brain tumours and little things become huge things. I will beat this for the sake of my kids but i really wish i wasnt having these thoughts, to feel the way i did before and to not notice every little thing. Im terrified at the thought of dying and leaving my children esp with the issues regarding their dad, they need me so much! I know part of the resaon i feel on edge at the moment is the coming off effects from my tabs but the rest is me.
To anyone out there who thinks they are alone in this, this site lets u know your not! There are terrifying things that are brain lets us believe are there but with support and determination u can get through i, i never believed i ever would have come off my tabs but i did and im so proud of myself for that!
Look forward to getting to know you guys x
Since the age of 4 when i first woke in the middle of the night crying for my dad telling him i was terrified of dying i have always had a phobia of it. Through the years i have been able to control it but if i let myself think about i could feel myself starting to panick. This is why i have ignored it for 26 years and it wasnt until 2009 that it hit me for real.
I had just given birth to my 5th child, my first girl and when she was 8 days old she couldnt control her breathing and was going blue, the paramedics came and luckily she was alright but this happened on another 2 occasions. At the time of this happening my Mum was in hospital having a knee replacement and had to have blood transfusions, my partners dad had pneumonia, his cousin had a brain tumour and my aunties husband was dying from lukeamia. I remember the eaxct moment when for me it all went wrong. I laid in bed when all of a sudden i felt this trickling sensation which i can only describe as a dripping tap in my brain, i automatically remembered my friend who died aged 19 from a brain aneurysm 2 yrs previous and i automatically believed i had the same. All of a sudden my head went very fuzzy, my heart was going rapidm i was shaking, i couldnt breath. I honestly believed i was dying...so much so that i dialled 999. I have never had a panic attack in my life so this seriously scared the hell out of me. After this my health has become a constant issue in my life. I put myself in anti-depressants as i became so unhappy, refusing to leave my bedroom. I was on sertraline 100mg and have been for the past 18mths.
I split from my partner 8 mths ago and have been through a very stressful and emotional time and dealing with my HA aswell has been hard but i decided to take back control of my life and nearly 4 weeks ago i stopped my Anti'ds. I was told by docs it wants a good time, the time of year, stressful time in my life etc but i decided the time was right for me. The past week or two has been hard, i am feeling the effects of not being on them and it seems my senses are at their highest and i can notice every body sensation or function with my body. Today my hear missed a beat...that sent me into a partial panic where my heart then races but i manage to control it so it goes no further. I believe that if i lasted 25 years without needing them then i can do it again.
I hope one day that i will be back to myself again but at the moment i constantly check my pulse, if i dnt feel well i think the worse, ive always had a bad back since the birth of my twins but when it hurts im convinced i have a tumour on my spine, headaches become brain tumours and little things become huge things. I will beat this for the sake of my kids but i really wish i wasnt having these thoughts, to feel the way i did before and to not notice every little thing. Im terrified at the thought of dying and leaving my children esp with the issues regarding their dad, they need me so much! I know part of the resaon i feel on edge at the moment is the coming off effects from my tabs but the rest is me.
To anyone out there who thinks they are alone in this, this site lets u know your not! There are terrifying things that are brain lets us believe are there but with support and determination u can get through i, i never believed i ever would have come off my tabs but i did and im so proud of myself for that!
Look forward to getting to know you guys x