Very frustrated with the anxiety

[jothenurse]

I am very frustrated with my anxiety. Have been working on it for almost a year. Have a panic disorder. Had this about 35 years ago (I'm 56) and it did go away, though had some anxieties throughout the years, but always manageable and I enjoyed things. Things are a lot better. It all started out this time with fast heart rates (in the 160's), but the EKG's were all normal and they said it was anxiety/panic. I was on ativan and have tapered off of it. The last taper I did was a .25mg in the morning and I was on that dose for about a month. I still had the anxiety and tachycardia at times, but I could calm myself for the most part. The anxiety has never gone away, though sometimes in the evening I feel pretty good. I'm just getting frustrated because I feel that I have worked hard on things, but I still feel anxious and can't figure out why this lingers. I'm hoping to be able to stay off the ativan and just use it when I really need it. The doctor said there was no way I could be physically addicted on the small amount that I have been taking. She said it was emotional, and I understand that, though it is hard to believe that at times. I stopped taking the ativan a couple of days ago. I just want to feel well and not be so anxious all the time.
Sorry about going on so long, but just feel that I needed to vent to people who understand anxiety and how hard it gets having to push yourself every day to go to work and get out and do errands and dealing with the anxiety that goes with it. I get frustrated with feeling lightheadedand the feeling of unreality at times. I am trying to be patient because when I look back over last year, I really have done well.

[willitstop]

you have done brilliantly well and dont you forget that :)
keep doing what your doing and the anxiety will soon ease

[jothenurse]

Thank you for your reply.

[MOJO]

Hi there!
I know just how you feel. I have suffered from panic and anxiety for over 2 years now. I have made an awful lot of progress over the last 6 months or so. I have gone from being a shaking anxious mess that couldn't contemplate doing even the simplest of tasks to being able to live my life once again. All this without medicaion. However, although I can do everything I want now, I still often feel anxious and suffer from depersonalization and lightheadedness from time to time. I have quite bad health anxiety too.I still have that feeling of foreboding about the day ahead when I wake up. Nothing like I used to be but it's still there. I have been quite stressed over the last few months with some family problems and do feel that I'm slipping back somewhat. That really scares me because I can't bear to go back to that dark place that I was in.
My family all think I'm back to normal now and I suppose that's how it seems to them. Inside I know I'm not. I wish I could be completely better too as you do. It would be wonderful to be free of all these symtoms altogether. Having said that I am SO thankful that I have got this far and 18 months ago would have given my right arm to be where I am now. I guess we must just be patient and grateful that we are so much better than we were.
Judy.x

[Mazzmate]

Jo, what you have written could easily be me, my anxiety frustrates me too, I work hard at dealing with it and really try to be patient with myself, but it's an uphill climb most of the time. At this moment, just after 9pm I feel reasonably good, but it's the morning when I wake up that it all starts again. Have to say though it's nowhere near as bad as it was a year ago, and like you, I should be pleased with myself and the progress I have made. We just have to keep going, and be determined we will conquer this in the end. Best wishes

[jillyb]

It's a nightmare!!!!! I just long to wake up in the morning NOT feeling anxious!!!! I don't even know what wakes me up like this and, unless I have a particular worry, what I am actually anxious about! I am about your age and have been like this since I was a child! I am currently having some excellent cbt and I certainly understand now where it has come from etc but putting the theory into practise is very hard. But, as my therapist says, I am very well trained in being anxious so untraining myself is going to take time. I am now finding that accepting the way I am, rather than fighting it and getting angry with myself, is actually lessening the anxiety. I think this is important because when we beat ourselves up about it we actually heap anxiety and worry onto the original anxiety and worry making it twice as bad. So, just try and be kind to yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and stop beating yourself up about the anxiety. Any progress is a giant leap for people like us and we need to hold on to that. Take care x

[jothenurse]

Thanks for all of the replies.