Jamie C
02-02-11, 02:53
Hey guys
Something abit different today i spose, moving off my HA for a bit i wasn't quite sure where to put this.. anyway been feeling quite depressed last few weeks and anxious over nothing, its doing my head in :(
Anyway anybody thats seen my previous posts will know i like banger racing, so the opertunity has popped up this week for me to have ago and get out on track (only nudge and spin no full contact stuff for me yet!) So anyway you'd be sat there thinking welldone him for giving his life long ambition ago. Well thats not strictly the case, i can't drive so i've got to learn and to be honest i don't feel confident behind the wheel of a car when going slowly.. let alone racing around. This is also putting me off of driving on the road aswell, i feel like i would sort of drift off in one of the derealisation period's and i would end up doing something stupid or rash...
Few years back i was a typical kid.. would be up for anything flying, rollercoasters, thrill rides etc then suddenly it just changed and i became nervous or anxious of everything, i'm now terrified of flying and roller coasters, altho i went on dodgems with a few mates from racing couple of months ago and it was fun as we smashed eachother up. The point is that i can do these things if i can face the fear and take that last deffinative step to get there..its like flying i hate it, but if i was to take the final step and board a plane and keep calm through take off i will be fine and relaxed and even enjoy the rest of the flight.
So why do i feel i can't take the final step and get myself on track? Every racer gets nervous before a race, and i will too but i think for me it will go pretty uncontrolable and i will just push everyone away that will be there that day to help me. I am buzzing about getting this motor but at the same time regretting it and feeling very nervous about it and i won't even be using it till late march! I know once i get going it will be a great experiance but i really am thinking i wont be able to take that final step and let everyone down.
Its really getting stupid now, anxiety is preventing me from doing stuff in my life, i don't want to be a boring old depress 'ead all my life, i wanna do something, so why can't i do this. :doh: Why can't i just say lets do this anymore without stopping and worrying about it because there really is no need, i dont feel confident in dooing anything and i always feel people are making bad judgements about me, not to mention the never ending fear that goes on inside my head fuelled by utter bulltripe from the internet. Like trying to find a job, its hard yes but then going to acctual work... i don't know if i can really do it or cope with it.
Just NNNNRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ! *insertrageguy.jpg here*
Just wanna be normal again. And be able to do normal things without all this crap stopping me.
Sorry essay.
Cheers
Jamie C
Something abit different today i spose, moving off my HA for a bit i wasn't quite sure where to put this.. anyway been feeling quite depressed last few weeks and anxious over nothing, its doing my head in :(
Anyway anybody thats seen my previous posts will know i like banger racing, so the opertunity has popped up this week for me to have ago and get out on track (only nudge and spin no full contact stuff for me yet!) So anyway you'd be sat there thinking welldone him for giving his life long ambition ago. Well thats not strictly the case, i can't drive so i've got to learn and to be honest i don't feel confident behind the wheel of a car when going slowly.. let alone racing around. This is also putting me off of driving on the road aswell, i feel like i would sort of drift off in one of the derealisation period's and i would end up doing something stupid or rash...
Few years back i was a typical kid.. would be up for anything flying, rollercoasters, thrill rides etc then suddenly it just changed and i became nervous or anxious of everything, i'm now terrified of flying and roller coasters, altho i went on dodgems with a few mates from racing couple of months ago and it was fun as we smashed eachother up. The point is that i can do these things if i can face the fear and take that last deffinative step to get there..its like flying i hate it, but if i was to take the final step and board a plane and keep calm through take off i will be fine and relaxed and even enjoy the rest of the flight.
So why do i feel i can't take the final step and get myself on track? Every racer gets nervous before a race, and i will too but i think for me it will go pretty uncontrolable and i will just push everyone away that will be there that day to help me. I am buzzing about getting this motor but at the same time regretting it and feeling very nervous about it and i won't even be using it till late march! I know once i get going it will be a great experiance but i really am thinking i wont be able to take that final step and let everyone down.
Its really getting stupid now, anxiety is preventing me from doing stuff in my life, i don't want to be a boring old depress 'ead all my life, i wanna do something, so why can't i do this. :doh: Why can't i just say lets do this anymore without stopping and worrying about it because there really is no need, i dont feel confident in dooing anything and i always feel people are making bad judgements about me, not to mention the never ending fear that goes on inside my head fuelled by utter bulltripe from the internet. Like trying to find a job, its hard yes but then going to acctual work... i don't know if i can really do it or cope with it.
Just NNNNRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ! *insertrageguy.jpg here*
Just wanna be normal again. And be able to do normal things without all this crap stopping me.
Sorry essay.
Cheers
Jamie C