Had enough

[waiting]

I am back at work... but barely here I am just going through the motions and just trying to hang in there. I feel really strange and odd, tearful and just do not know when this is going to end. I have been on citalopram for 7 weeks nearly 8 and yes I think there has been an improvement if even mild but really can't continue like this. I mean I called my Dad at 7.30 in the morning as was panicking, standing outside work feeling like I was going throw up.

I feel like a mad women.. at 34 I feel more like a child than when I was 14 and had a lot more fight and determination. I am hoping that this is just the part of trying to move my life forward as I have held a lot of my feelings in for such a long time. All I want to feel like is me and get to feeling of being content. People would not recognise me if they could read what I was typing now at work before anyone gets in. I couldn't sleep so thought may as well go to work. I used to be lively, fun loving and have a personality which seems to have disappeared since I have felt like this. I am dreading today at work.. yesterday was horrible. I used to be able to deal with any situation and multi task but right now I am just pleased I have made it into work.

[ElizabethJane]

Deawr Waiting I hope that you managed to get through your day at work. That is very commendable when you are ill with anxiety and depression. Mornings are often the worst time for us dperession sufferers. Most peoples mood tends to lift as the day goes on. I have no experience of citalopram. Has your GP asked yoiu to go back for a follow up. If you need to go send a message to NMP before youi start work and it helps you cope with the day then there is no harm in that. You will get your life back but it might require some hard work. Has your doctor suggested anything else which might help you such as CBT or talking therapy. Although it is years since I read it 'Peace from nervous suffering' by Dr Claire Weekes is the best book around on how to deal with the very feelings that you describe. I hope that you begin to feel better soon. EJ.

[On The Outside]

Sorry to read how you're feeling, Waiting. I noticed your post because of the title. I've reached a point where I don't know what to do anymore. But I've not been as strong as you have to be able to make myself fight my feelings of anxiety and depression and try to do something constructive with my life like you're doing.

I couldn't comment on Citalopram as I'm not on any tablets anymore. I have no help from my local services so have to try to manage by myself or talking to a few close people. I know what you mean about feeling more like a child than an adult. I'm just a bit older than you and feel constantly held back my depression, shyness, social phobia, OCD and various other issues. It's commendable that you've kept on working despite your feelings. I give in to mine too easily and don't know where to begin with moving forward.

[Headdown]

"People would not recognise me if they could read what I was typing now at work before anyone gets in."

I think that's the bit that made me want to reply. And people not recognising me, I used to be a lot happier, carefree and fun and I hope that version of me comes back again.

Plus the making it through work stuff, I got back to work yesterday and like you today is my 2nd day and it's a bit of a struggle, seeing everyone around me being "normal" doesn't help either, makes me frustrated.

But hopefully like me your working day is drawing near an end and it is almost the weekend after all. Basically I related a lot with your post and I hope you're coping alright.

[waiting]

Thanks for your message, it was really nice.. I managed to get through week but feel terrible today.. tearful and quite frankly don't want to go through the motions any more. Have to ask what is NMP.

[waiting]

Headdown How was the rest of your week? I could not wait to get out of office and am already dreading the next week.. I think to myself when did it get to this!!! and will I ever get back my personality.. Hope you have a good weekend.

[ElizabethJane]

NMP: is nomorepanic our website.

[waiting]

How silly do I feel? :)