View Full Version : I had to go to the doctors today
As I mentioned in my introduction I have a problem leaving the house.. Up till today I have managed to have a consultation with the doctor over the phone, and till today she didnt know about this problem. I made a total show of myself in the waiting room....Shaking, sobbing plus all the other symptoms you all know so well by the time the Doctor called me into her room I didnt have to tell her what was the matter she pretty well told me. Passed me a card to ring the mental health team telling me they would be in touch.
I feel quite relieved now I have had time to think about things maybe this is the start better days, I hope so.
I have been with my husband for more than 37yrs and never, never ever has he accompanied my into the doctors consulting room not even when I went for checks when I was pregnant and I wanted him to join me then. Today he insisted that he came in I think he has had a bit of a shock, I don't think he really realized what I was telling him when I didnt want to go out.
Anyway the doctor has increased and added more pills and hopefully she thinks they will make me less anxious in the house. She wants me back in 2wks, if I cant make it she said she will talk to me over the phone.
All in all although thinking how panicky I was before leaving the house and how I feel now, got to say I wouldn't volunteer to go again but am certainly glad that i did....I'm still alive!!! :yesyes:
willitstop
02-02-11, 14:18
so did you actually go to docs as i couldnt make that out in your post as you said...
up till today i have managed to have a consultation with the doctor over the fone????
Sorry Willitstop... I sent that message through before I had finished it...Not very good on the keyboard any more, finger not so nimble since the old osteoarthritis got hold of me....:blush:...x
willitstop
02-02-11, 15:48
hehe no problem.
well done you on going to see the doctor its hard but that is the way to recovery :)
well done on getting to the doctors ,,a very brave step on the road to many x
I did not feel very brave. I felt there was no other option for me. I had to go to the surgery as I needed a sick note to send off to get my stamp paid while I am off work. If it wasn't for that fact I almost certainly not left the house yesterday. .... Although it wasn't a nice experience I do feel a little bit pleased with myself and hope next time I go out I will hold myself together better than a petulant 3yr old.......lol
Jann - you have done really really well.
I can relate to this as I was in your shoes last year. But like you i have made myself attend appts. Its been hard but I have persevered.
In fact I have made a massive break through Our surgery has surgeries in two different villages. One of the surgeries is in the local hospital and I couldn't do that one for a long time. But this week I did attend an appt there. It was the middle of the afternoon, quite busy and I had to wait. All things which I struggle with.
But I did it and drove myself there. And after quite a long appt I wandered out of the hospital like anyone else!!!
It is really hard but you CAN do this so keep challenging yourself.
One of my tips though is to book one of the first appts in the day, that way you won't have to wait long and the surgery wont be that busy.
That is how I have got back to attending the Doctors.
I hope you GP is great too - i have a great GP just now and a lovely practise nurse who are very supportive and now feel like my friends. they have been so kind that i know feel I can't let them down.
Good luck hun and keep up the good work - you can improve your life, I promisexx
Hi Jann, What an ordeal you are going through.All the best to you xx
Thank you nellie123 for your support and ditzygirl that is a good idea booking early appointments I will do that in future...I think I made such a show of myself in the waiting room the kind receptionist put me through early... I am going to say tomyself... "Not a good experience but its not life threatening"....I will get passed this thing...xxxx
gypsywomen
06-02-11, 15:45
very well done x:yesyes:
well i still think you was brave hun,,i spent ten years indoors,,like you sending notes to the doctor,,who came to check me in the end as he,d not seen me,,nothing or no-one would have got me out that door,,you did it though stand proud,,it dont matter if you screamed the place down,,you managed to get through and its something to build on,,i started going out after an emergency hospital trip to everyones amazement im not cured but im much better than i was
Oh Teez, 10yrs how ever have you kept your sanity....Did family and friends understand what was going on with you?...I'm so pleased to hear you say your improving and I hope it continues too.. I have always been very close to my daughter who is 33 but I feel if she is with me I'm sure I wouldn't panic as much.. It almost seems like we have slowly done a roll reversal and she is now mothering me through my problems...I don't know where I would be without her support... Then on the other hand I try not to burden her with too much as she has her own life and family to care for... She came round on the day I went to the doctors, she just flew in and gave me a hug :bighug1: and to tell me she loved me and then flew off as her partner was waiting for her. I felt I had made her proud and that in its self made me a little bit proud also....Is this what they call a second chilhood.....Do you think I should ask her for pocket money too? lol..xx
it was odd after the first year of being in i just excepted it i suppose,,at its worst i had days where even the back garden was like a trip to outta mongolia,,i say one thing though it did wonders for anti age-ing no-one believed i was the age i was,,see no sunlight my skin was beautiful ,,when i did start going out everyone thought me and my daughter were twins lol,,it was amazing how everything had changed too,,people were different ruder, i found that hard going,,yes like you i lived through my daughter ,,she would go out and tell me things,,she did any clothes shopping i needed,,my sons would do food shopping and really good at it too,,lol,, the thing im most grateful for was id not seen my parents in ten years and they were both ill,,begging me to visit,,after my hospital trip i went to see them and to see the look on mums face was a picture,,after that i saw them weekly and im so glad as we lost dad three years later,, it was like id made a small recovery for a reason,,please dont give up,,your time will come and your daughter right to be so proud it was not an easy thing you did x
Hi,
I just wanted to say well done for going. I can remember the first time I went.. I moved to the area so I had to go at some point, I basically admitted I needed help and needed to make the first step.
Up until then Id had to go out anyway, I was determined not to let it affect my son so I had been sending him to nursery etc, picking him up.. that got easier over time, but still that having to be there at a certain time - was a huge problem for me, making appointments - a commitment, they were so hard. In the waiting room I was crawling the walls, looking at the toilet door because I thought I was going to be sick, looking at the window for air, looking at the door for escape.. The only thing that kept me there was knowing if I ran a)it would be reinforcing my mind I was in danger, and b) it would be a whole lot harder 2nd time round because the memory of the 1st would be firmly in place.
Def make earlier appointments, just today I had to wait 45 mins for my mid-morning appointment.. by afternoon that can creep into over an hours wait, not something I could have done back then, the 20mins I waited felt like an eternity!
Dont worry about what you looked like, Im sure theyve seen allsorts in there.. someone crying and shaking is probably one of the less gory and easy things theyve had to deal with! Half of the people you saw probably wont ever see you again anyway, so dont worry.
And your daughter. Im sure shes proud of you anyway, this just makes her extra proud Im sure!
Well done x.
Nikkinik and Teez, isn't it strange when I'm having a panick attack of just fed up with life it is hard to think anyone else is going through the same thing. You think nobody understands and the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. This site is helping me so very much and I can see how it has helped you both, looking for other posts and offering such kind words and support must take that feeling of despair a little lighter. I want to help others here also when I grow in confidence and find some answers. Thank you so much for helping me get this off my chest.. Bless you all....xxx
Hi Jan, Been reading your posts,I was touched by what your daughter did and said.
I understand what what you going through honestly. I have had that "pull yourself together" in the past. Am ok now.touch wood. I can go shopping by myself,but going to see gp is terrible still. They only have one toilet as well.On one visit for a check up last year,I was so worked up the doc was quite concerned.took my temperature cos I was sweating that much.itwas only me . I was ok once I got outside.:unsure::flowers:
To Teez and Nikkink,All the best to you both
Yes Nellie, without a doubt my world would be a darker place without her in it....
Well done to you knowing your going to panic at the surgery but still going..:flowers:....Do you know why the doctors makes you panic?
I have to contact my doctor again next Wednesday, she said she Will consult by phone if I cant get in.
Knowing she has given me that option is making it easier not to go out. Just thinking about going there is making my heart beat faster and I can feel panic inside.
Is it the right thing to force yourself?
The feeling of euphoria I had on my return from the doctors last week is a distant memory now.
I feel failure is looming..:weep:
ladybird64
09-02-11, 12:55
Hi Jann :)
It's what we call "anticipatory anxiety", otherwise translated as "frightening the living daylights out of yourself"!
All agoraphobics and panics sufferers do it, I used to as well. If I had to make a journey somewhere, no matter how small, I chewed it over in my mind, mentally made the journey a couple hundred times in my mind, let the memory of previous panics stay uppermost in my mind..it was exhausting.
Bottom line is we don't want to stay indoors, not really. We want to be able to go from A to B without plotting every last step and envisaging the catastrophe that we are sure will befall us if we leave the house but it just seems so hard, so difficult. We wonder if it is really worth the effort, making ourselves feel so bad for what?
It is worth the effort. :) What happened last time might not happen this time..how can you know for sure? You can't..it's just your fear of the unknown and what MIGHT happen that is holding you back.
You talk about "forcing yourself", a trap I slipped into again recently. Forcing will get us there yes, but it will still leave the fear intact. Time to try and learn a different way of looking at things rather than success and failure. It isn't a battle and to think of it like that you are putting yourself at a disadvantage straight away.
I know how hard it is to live with this. I am tons better but still have my moments! I finally came to realise that it was possible to live with the anxiety and start to learn how to ignore or rather live with it's effects.
It is all about empowering yourself and coming to realise that although it may be with you, your panic is of no consequence, it doesn't matter.
When you learn to live with the fact that it might come but it's not going to kill, you, cripple you or anything else, you can start to move on.
You won't know how you feel about going to the surgery until the day you actually have the appt. You can be scared about it now, but be aware that is only your mind playing out the worst scenario. Your anxiety levels will rise and the adrenaline will flow but it doesn't matter, that's what happens when we're scared! Exactly the same process happens when we are going on a rollercoaster or something similar, even something we know we will enjoy but are nervous about..it's just our mind that turns into into something to be terrified of.
It's a physical process in response to a normal feeling..nothing magical, that's it.
Try and wait until the day of the appt. If you can't do it then fine..you can always do something else! Small steps are what breaks the hold of anxiety..I'm sure you can do it. :flowers:
Hi Jan, I am a panicer from the word go.First of all I don't want to talk to any one I know,I catch the bus to town for shopping and am ok because I don't know anyone.I'll make conversation with people I meet that I don't know,and they don't know me. But my GP is in the village.If any one is in waiting area I know get worked up because I don't want them to talk to me.I hate been in the vicinity of a lot of people anyway.Once I get into the doctors room I seem to calm down.I have a social phobia. That why I love this site. Ladybird 64 is a friend I have made on nmp.Read her post she is such a treasure.
Today I cannot concentrate very much . Hope you go on alright
Like to hear how you get on :hugs:
the first is to remember never beat yourself up,,i had a young friend who couldnt even approach her own front door without panic,,i have got her to the point she can open and close it now,,its taken time,,but on the days she cant manage it,,thats not a problem,,the next day she most like will,,anything you do on the step to getting better is a win,,if you walk out the door and manage a few steps your wining,,no steps to little,,i managed to go round a shop today while sending hubby home so i could phone him after to collect me,,i was scared and shaking,,but it got done,,something id not have managed last year even,,its not much in the great sceme and its taken two years to get to,,but im going to build on it,,just take your time,,no force-ing yourself,,just do whatever you have to get yourself out for those victories of your own,,anyone here will listen if you need an ear to bend,,,x
I am lost for words. I don't no how to respond to such honest kindness.. The three replies to my post are so encouraging. I feel I will get there with your support...Thankyou again... I read the posts yesterday and had a little cry..
I am empty at the moment...Some days words wont come, I take zomorph for my pain and when I have to take other painkillers some days with them they confuse me.
I truly am grateful to this site....xxx
ladybird64
11-02-11, 14:37
Jann :hugs:
We are all here to help each other because we know how it feels.
Don't you worry yourself about feeling empty or flat inside, that's ok too. No pressure, no stress just take each day as it comes along and we will be here to support you in any way we can. :flowers:
Thank you Ladybird, of course your right.
:scared10:Well I have got another appointment booked.....Wednesday at 10am.
My daughters and husband are both coming with me...
Ive been reading lots of other posts and tips on here to help me cope..
but will I?... Oh dear I don't have to mention the panic within right now do I?....
My mother used to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"..:roflmao:
You got to laugh!!!!!
i have every faith in you,,what i find really helps me on my still bad days like i had today,,is to think that all that happens all the panic and terror is in the now,,you,ll soon be home warm and feeling better,,look into that time,,ive got through some of my worst times by thinking i,ll soon be back home and this will all be behind me,, also knowing there is hundreds of us out there all understanding what your going through,,i wont lie and say its gonna be wonderful,,well it might it does happen lol,,but you can get through this youve already proved it once,,if you get worried and need to share im a pm away,,be strong:hugs:
Well, thought I better post an update!
Before I went to the surgery I had a panic attack. My lovely daughter sat with me and helped me through it. It was as bad as it gets and unlike other times I was actually sick..
Anyway I got to the surgery and manage to focus on a table leg and just kept telling myself this will all be over soon, There was tears and panic but I waited till the doctor called me through and managed to calm down enough to discuss my problems with the doctor and am pleased to say that leaving the doctors was a far better experience than going in.
Another panic attack when I was left home alone and then slept for a few hours.
My next excursion out is with the mental health on tuesday...
I have survived, I came very close to not going, even my daughter thought it would be best to cancel. I managed to take all the good advice I have been given. I trusted all your kind words..
If there is anyone like I was wanting to cancel going out, just do what I was told and take tiny steps. I got to the door, I got to the gate, I got in the car. Nobody new me in the surgery... I was soon back home... I did it!!!:)......Though that table leg could do with a bit of polish...:roflmao:
This site has helped me out the door....A BIG THANKYOU...:flowers::flowers::flowers:
wow im proud of you,,you did all the right things and all this so soon after your other trip,,how bad is your aggie jan can you leave your front door ,,im only asking cos practice going out take a few steps and walk back in,,do this till its blooming boring and you dont even think about it anymore,,also keep a diary on your trips,,i wished my dog hadnt destroyed mine,, he chewed them up. or id have sent them to you,,,when i look back on how i was its amazing,,then if you feel youve not progressed enough you can read back and you really will be surprised,,once again im so glad you did this and for sharing it,,its good for us all to see someone taking charge of their life again:hugs:,,
Thank you for your comment Teez.
I'm not sure how bad I am as I have nothing to compare it with.
It sort of crept up on me. I spent last summer in our static caravan, previous years I would be socializing going in friends vans for coffee and chats but last year after my husband set of to work I would close the curtains and try to make as little noise as possible. i stopped going out and avoided contact with anyone. When the season finished I found it easier not to go anywhere.
Around two years ago I thought I was having angina attacks until on holiday I had an attack and ended up in the hospital on the cruise ship we were on. That doctor said he was 99.9% I was experiencing panic attacks. He did allot of tests on me more than I had in our local hospital a few weeks prior to the holiday when on a shopping trip i had another "do"!
I will go to the dustbin very early in the morning before neighbors get up. Avoid answering the fone and if anyone knocks more that once on the door I really start to panic... Just reading back what I'm writing I find it hard to believe what I have become.. In your experience is it normal to want to go out and then change your mind when you get to the door? I have done that on numerous occasions.. I am a bit apprehensive about going to visit this mental health place. (Mental health) that name scares the hell out of me.. Its conjures up all kinds of thoughts...anyhow 'I'm waffleing..
Good idea the diary, will definitely start doing that, thanks.
I had a dog but she died a couple of years ago. I think if I still had her to walk I would not be like this now... Thats given me an idea for a fun new thread....MMM look for my next post Teez....XX:bighug1:
Hi Jan, Sorry I have not been in touch lately, having a bit of trouble at home,I'm so glad u were able to go to the doc although it was a difficult time. It was a step forward. Mental Health Clinic is no shame,there will be many more patients there so you won't be on your own,Although i have been there in the past with my daughter,no one seems to speak in the waiting room just thouough silence,like its the end of the world and it is not. The Diary thing is good . I have a box full.
Best wishes to you and your family
ladybird64
17-02-11, 12:19
Jann, have a huge pat on the back.
Reading your post I noticed that you said you trusted what we said to you, what a wonderful compliment.
But..you know who you really did trust? Your own ability to weather whatever was coming your way, good or bad. Sometimes the hardest thing to place trust in is our own abilities to cope but you proved that you can.
Thing is hun, we are ruled by our memories of what has gone before. I'm not saying ignore them (who can?) but realise that they really have no power over you at the moment.
If you have a scary experience, it is human nature to avoid doing it again!
Front door-determination-then open front door-my God, scary world, massive, frightening compared to little me-shut front door-breathe easy-safe.
And a little while later you are so upset at yourself it's heartbreaking becuase you know inside that it's not right to hide, you don't really want to but you don't want to feel bad either.
Please, please don't think "what have I become". You're not weak, nor a monster..you just have anxiety issues, same as so many.
I know what you mean about Mental Health, it is the very thing that prevented me from actively seeking help. I can acknowledge it to myself but the thought of seeing a professional fills me with dread! I did see someone yonks ago for exposure therapy and she was great, not at all what I expected.
But..it may be the very thing to support you on your way. You sound focused, nervous but determined. You have also found the huomour in a scary situation and believe me, when you can do that, you are well on your way.
Next time take your tin of Pledge and sort out that table leg..:D
As for the appointment on Tuesday..put all thoughts out of your mind of what it might be, wait for the evidence to see what it actually is. Will your daughter be going with you?
Anyway..lewt us know how it goes. Don't look back, nor forward, just concentrate on the present. :flowers:
scaredstiff695
17-02-11, 13:17
well done
please stop dwelling on the factwmt think you made a show of your self most of up have been very anxious in doctorsg have a few times no one else in that waiting room needed to no what was happening and if they knew what a massive thing you had done they would have all given you a pat on the back I'm sure x
be proud of what you have achievid its massive and don't ever forget what you have done well done x x
You are all my ROCK....Thank you.....XXX
Thank you all so very much...XXX
ladybird64
20-02-11, 20:58
Are you ok Jann? xx
MeganBooker
31-03-11, 05:59
I had to go to the doctors too today. I was also a mess in the waiting room - shaking/sobbing etc... I did it and I hope I never have to do it again but I know I will need to go again and I will deal with it and I will survive... You are not alone:)
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