Too Sensitive?

[kate]

Does anyone else feel that they overreact to things and are overall too sensitive?

If friends go somewhere and dont ask me to go as well, I get all upset and act like a silly little kid!

I read things into peoples actions as well. Such as if someone is talking to someone else and not including me, I think they no longer like me, that I'm boring or that I'm just not worth bothering with.

This then simmers away inside of me and I get really upset and angry about it even though it can be such a silly little thing to begin with.

I hate myself for doing this, but it happens all the time!

Is it just me, is it part of the anxiety or just a horrible personality trait of mine?[:I]

Kate x

[Meg]

Dear Kate,

I think this is linked more to self esteem than anxiety directly, but the anxiety will heighten the effects of any low self confidence/esteem.

A theory is that this may in part be due to perhaps not having the belief in so many powerful memories of previous major individual sucesses and achievements to draw on during rough times that help propel the anxious person through the worst times and back towards where they once were.

We all have succesess and achievements but by the nature of the beast , those with low self esteem will not credit themselves and recognise these as much as those with more self esteem will.

It's not a horrible trait but one that could do with some help to adjust it.

I certainly don't think you're alone. I have wondered whether an intensive self esteem course would be of more benefit than CBT for some people.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[kate]

Meg,

Where can I find such a course? Does anyone offer them?

Daft question, I know, but I really don't know the answer!!

Kate x

[Meg]

Hi Kate,

Do you think this may be an issue for you ? It was only my opinion and I may be quite wrong .

Quite a lot of the adult education centres do something similar. Some Colleges also do basic NLP which would also help.

Or there are some online courses - but I've never looked at them carefully enough to evaluate them in order to recommend one . I'll have a hunt around.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[kate]

Thanks Meg,

My self esteem is a big, fat zero!!

Thanks for having a look

Kate x

[nomorepanic]

Kate

I did a self-esteem course at the local GP's surgery. Ask yours if they run one too.

Nicola

[kate]

Thanks Nic,

I will phone up and ask.

Did it work?

Kate x

[Crispy Cornflake]

I think I could say I'm guilty of over reacting to certain things as well, but as others have said, I think it's more to do with a lack of self esteem or confidence rather than anxiety as I've always been a bit sensitive. I can really take things to heart at times, and was like this long before I suffered anxiety. I think it helps if you can find something your good at and others acknowledge that, it makes you feel better about yourself. For me it was athletics (only at club level mind you - I'm hardly an olympian) but I've let it all go for couch potato land as my anxiety makes me think something awful is going to happen if I exert myself too much.

[kate]

Hiya Crispy Cornflake,

After thinking about it, I agree that it probably is a self esteem thing.

I'm not actually good at anything!! I have also become the classic couch potato and that doesn't exactly help with your self esteem does it?

I just get so worked up, angry and upset at the same time, when I feel that people are leaving me out of things.

I'm flipping 41 years of age but my thought processes seem extremely childish!!

Will definately look into the self esteem thing. Worth a go anyway!!

Kate x

[stimpy]

I've always been to way too thin skinned for my own good.

Local colleges do many courses including Anger Management, Assertiveness Training and coping with anxiety. (These are usually free.)

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[kate]

Thanks for the advice Liz.

Would just be a bit scared to go into the college in the first place and face all those other people arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Kate x

[nomorepanic]

Kate

I am sure it helped at the time but it was long time ago. It re-inforced things that I already knew but wasn't sure how to put into practice.

I still feel sometimes that I am a bit worthless but this is mainly due to my weight and the way I feel about how I look.

Last summer, when the pics on the website page were taken, I was feeling really good about things. Now I feel a frump again since I put on one stone in weight since then.

But I will get back to that feel-good feeling again. Just need a haircut and to lose some weight.

I think a lot of self-esteem comes from feeling good about your life as much as the way you look and when you are happy you can feel on top of the world and when you are down everything seems bad.

See if you can on a course Kate - it can't do any harm can it?


Nicola

[kate]

Nic,

Yes, I will have to look into any courses that are available.

As you say, it can't do any harm.

I think that low self esteem affects every aspect of your life.

For example, at work I never get drawn into arguments or the like. I just keep quiet.

But then, if I'm having a real bad off day, and I do give my opinion on anything, everyone is dead shocked.

They then all ask me what is wrong etc etc.

So, I've found it is easier not to say anything most of the time.

But, this then means that a lot of people have no respect for you as a person. They see you as the easy target. They put you down cos they know you wont say anything.

I don't know how to stick up for myself without bringing on a panic attack.

So, consequently, I just keep quiet but get very upset and angry inside.

Better get onto a course pretty quickly!!

Kate x

[pips]

Hi Kate, I read your message about oversensitivity. I am exactly the same way i tend to take everything to heart as well and seem to spend most of my time pleasing people. I't really bothers and worries me if people don't like me. I try so hard but i have found sometimes the harder you try the worse it is! I wish i did't care so much. I know how u feel. PipsX

[kate]

Hiya Pips,

Thanks for replying.

I think you are so totally right.

The harder you try the worse it is.

I remember my psychologist saying that it is impossible for YOU to like everyone in the world so it is only logical that everyone can't like you.

I know this makes sense BUT try actually believing that you are a likeable person when certain people make you feel inferior.

I also wish that I didn't care so much, wish I could just be myself. Mind you,I seem to have forgotten who the true "me" is.

Take care, Pips

Kate x

[stimpy]

Someone once said, the road to self esteem starts with liking yourself. How can people like you if you don't like yourself.

My CPN booked me a place at college, and oh man was I bricking it!
I thought to myself, okay you've done great kid, but you still aren't ready to become a student yet.

Then of course I had visions of being in a room full of panic ridden people and wondering how the teacher was going to cope with us all.
I have to admit that made me smile!

So, I didn't go to college as I felt this was a little too much too fast. So I did the next best thing. I put myself down for a local day centre. Less formal and way less scary. The good news is many of these day centres will offer courses in relaxation and anxiety mangagement.
What about something like that - ideal if you feel college is a little bit out of your reach.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[Meg]

Dear Kate and all other low esteemers

I've been having a bit of a hunt about for something decent online for all those not ready to go to college yet.

One reasonable one is at

http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/

If anyone does it , can they let us know how they do ?

Thay also do an online panic course which is basic but ok too.

I wish you all well


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[kate]

Thanks Meg,

Have been up since 6.30am today. Daughter gone on school trip to Alton Towers!!

So, I will have a good look at the site and report back a bit later!

Kate x

[stimpy]

Ooh that sounds good don't it, and it's free.
I might have to give that a bit of a dabble.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[Lottie32]

Kate

this is all so true of me. I often end up really angry and cross too, cos I let people walk all over me, and daren't tell them to stuff it.

Over the last few months however, i have found that my self esteem has started to develop, and that my friends are once again asking me out - and I'm going (and more to the point enjoying myself)

I really do think the turning point has been over the last couple of months, and has been a combination of the CBT taking effect, diet, the gym, supplements and the fluoxetine.

I would say, based on my personal experience, try not to worry too much about it, work on the panic, use your CBT, and I'm sure you will find things start to resolve themselves "naturally"

When I've finished my CBT I am on the waiting list for some further therapy, aimed at helping the "self" - in for a penny, in for a pound. Have you tried asking your councellor? My additional talking therapy is through the NHS and provided by our local community mental health unit.

Sometimes, it also helps to suggest an event or outing that you know you CAN do,and ask your mates, don't wait for them to ask you. That way they will know that you are "back on the scene"

Hope you're well

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[kate]

Hiya Charlie,

I finished my CBT several months ago. Cured? as if. Allocated number of sessions completed. End of story.

I also found it hard talking to a 14 year old psychologist who on 2 occasions I caught trying to look descreetly at her watch during my session.

And on a seperate occasion, was attempting to suffocate a yawn.

I was a bit annoyed to say the least.

My CPN, after seeing me over a 12 month period, decided that we needed to "take a break".

Wow, I must have tested them both to their limit.

I felt that the CBT sessions merely touched on the tip of the iceberg of my problems.

No one at the North Birmingham Mental Health gave a damn about me after the sessions were completed and me and the CPN were "having a break".

I went to see my GP 2 weeks ago. Was sent for a blood test for the thyroid thingy last Thursday, going back for results on 5th April.

GP says to go back to see her before the 5th if a. I start feeling worse(!) b. I get feelings that I may harm myself.

Very helpful.

Anyway,I do see my few remaining mates but only in safe places.

I will go to their houses and vice versa.

But, they like pubs and clubs and drinking. I don't like any of those things so our friendships are a bit restrictive!

They do still bother with me though and I know that if I DID enjoy their type of socialising then I would be more than welcome to join them.

Anyway, hope you are well Charlie, missed seeing your postings this last week,

Take care

Kate x

[Lottie32]

Kate - thats terrible.

My counsellor, Amanda is a right scream. We have a good laugh. I've even been in the room for nearly two hours once when I lost the plot after Xmas. She never looks at her watch, and I seem to be able to book endless appointments!!!!!

Move house!!

I know what you mean though Kate - the hardest part is the step from houses to bars - and once you've done the bar once, the rest gets easy. However, that first step feels like leaping the Grand Canyon doesn't it!!!

Don't give up though babe - you will get there. I never thought I could, but I've just spent the last four days living at my friends house and looking after allt he horses. And I've only wibbled a bit. Yeahhhhh!!!!!

Thanks for that lovely comment - I've moved offices and don't have a modem any more. Really miss my daily no more panic fix, and had something on every night last week, so didn't get chance to catch up.

Hope you well.

Are you going to try and meet at Megs in May? Notts is'nt too far from North Brum - I do Lichfield from ours in forty mins - it must be nearer for you?

hope you had a good weekend.

Love Charlie x

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[kate]

Hiya Charlie,

Lovely to hear from you again!

Glad you had such a good time looking after the nags LOL !!!! That was a big achievement and on your own as well.

Going back for the thyroid results tomorrow. I hope it IS my thyroid but bet it's anxiety!!

Still, will see what the "caring" doc has to say about it all.

Will probably be in and out in 2 minutes flat, clutching yet another prescription for an anti depressent.

I hadn't planned on going to Meg's even though it is quite close for me.

Don't know if I could face meeting everyone in the flesh so to speak! I wouldn't have a clue what to say to anyone!!

Anyway, hope to hear from you again soon, Charlie

Take care

Kate x

[kate]

Charlie,

Forgot to ask.

How you getting on with the no smoking book?

You given up yet?

Let me know!

Kate x

[Meg]

Kate and Stimpy,

Did you have a look at that site at all ?

I've heard this book is well recommended

Overcoming Low Self-esteem: Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques by
Melanie Fennell


Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

[kate]

Hiya Meg,

My psychologist also recomended that particular book and I bought it about 2 years ago.

My problem is I can't seem to concentrate on any reading material. I just read the same sentence over and over and never seem to take in any of the information.

So, I have only ever skipped through it.

My memory is also totally crap and I'd forgotten to have another look at the site!

I'm off work now for a fortnight so will make myself a note to check it out!

Kate x