What should I do about work?

[harasgenster]

Hi everybody

This is more of a practical question, really, as it's something I'm just torn on.

At the moment, my job is to research, write and sub-edit around 2,500 words every morning. I went part time at the end of last year, when I was writing double the amount up until 5pm each day, because I felt too ill to keep up with it (in this case due to a physical illness.)

The thing is, although other people seem to find this work easy - and I'll admit the tasks I perform are not difficult - concentrating so hard for this long at a time makes me feel physically ill.

Around five years ago now, after many years of anxiety and depression, I had a bit of a breakdown when I became quite suddenly agoraphobic and suffered panic disorder - literally like having a panic attack constantly all day every day for around four months (I'm sure many here have suffered the same at some point).

I never had a proper rest after this incident. In fact, I have a two and half week holiday coming up in May that will be the longest rest I've had since then. The only times I haven't been working in the last five years I have been unemployed - which is MORE stressful!

Basically, because of the demands of the work and because I'm constantly exhausted, my job makes me feel physically ill. I don't earn enough to work only part time so I freelance to make the extra money up but I'm struggling to work in the afternoons and evenings because I feel terrible.

Before I worked at this place I worked in admin jobs, which were less demanding but very stressful due to the boredom - I find boredom even more stressful than pressure, weirdly!

Me and my boyfriend want to move out of our shared house because we're both very tired and the others here, though older than me, still live like students - with mess and noise day and night, it's just doubling our stress levels and making us feel more tired.

Since I feel terrible all the time, not only is my quality of life poor but I can't make enough money for us to move out and live alone so I feel stuck here.

Although I'm not sure if there's really an answer, has anyone got any clue as to what I could do, practically? I definitely don't want to be on the sick and I like working from home and writing as a job but admin may be less demanding and make me feel less ill. Also my friend is a filing clerk and gets paid a huge amount more than me so if I managed to get a job like hers I could move out with bf!

On the other hand, I'm stressed about sending applications and looking for new jobs because I don't think admin would have me back after being a writer, (and I'm also quite scared of the upheaval and inevitable boredom). Also, if I was to find a writing job that was less fast-paced and better paid I would need to do free work experience first. I'm not prepared to do this because I don't want to be a journalist! Just doing it for money!

Can anyone think of any option for me at all? I just feel completely trapped and like I'll never feel well again with all this pressure! Do I just take the leap and start looking for a job that asks less of me or will I end up regretting this?

Sorry for the long post!

[ElizabethJane]

It sounds as if you could do with some breathing space? In the present economic climate it is very difficult to find and sustain a job any sort of job full or part time. Most people I know are either on short term or temporary contracts or have been issued with redundancy notices or have to reapply for their own jobs. At the moment you are talking from a position of strength. It might not be the most ideal job in the world but it is a job. Hang onto that and from that position of strength apply for other jobs as you think fit and feel able to. The holiday in May will do you good and you willbe able to discuss the future with your partner. I didn't realise how grim the job situation is here in the South East and we are only thirty miles away from London. I know several people who have given up their jobs (my own sister included who had a good job with the civil service) now because of various issues working part-time and has no money. I work for a small business which is in a very precarious position. You are young and a graduate? so have everything going for you. Hold onto that. EJ.

[harasgenster]

Hi ElizabethJane

You're right, I am lucky to have a job and do feel grateful for it. It's sometimes easy to forget the unemployment figures when it doesn't affect anyone you know directly (as it doesn't in my case) so I hadn't even thought about the lack of jobs around when I wrote this post! :blush:

I'm just going to have to get on with it, I think. I'm not sure this is the right job for me as I probably don't have the right personality for a demanding role - get stressed so easily and feel exhausted all the time - but there might not be any other options right away. I might just keep an eye out for anything suitable that becomes available and try and pluck up the energy and courage to apply!

Thanks for your reply :)

[Whatsgoinon]

Try and take some holiday you are probably experiencing burn-out it is not life threatening but it is something you have to be aware of to counter act. I would also suggest some relaxation therapy - take your pick massage (you and your partner could take turns), spa, meditation try and fit these in regularly when you can it will rejuvinate yourself and give you more strength (as to will exercise and diet) - another thing take regular breaks and eat regularly too (try eating 8 small meals rather than 3 big ones as it keeps your blood sugar stable). Sometimes simple things like changing your rooms around in your house to remove clutter or buying some relaxing back rest attachment for your work chair can really make a big difference.

But all in all - its a job, don't let it get you down, i would never chuck in job without something setup - but whats the harm in looking? they haven't got a monopoly on your life so why not see what is out there when you can.

the recession isn't going to last forever and a lot of this doom and gloom is manufactured so keep your chin up :)

best wishes

[Stezzle]

I understand your position as i myself and bf are trying to move out. I only work 30hours a week over 4 days, therefore its a long shift.

I find that taking the view that its a job, its paying your lifestyle now until you can sort out your anxiety. I told my boss about my anxiety and he now asks me at the start of my shifts if i am ok, if i am not i just reply "having one of those days" Its are secret. He cant tell anyone but its a weight lifted that someone at work understands and is supporting me through it by making work not an issue.

I travel 20mins to work which was an issue, still sort of is, but my work place as turned into a "safe place" for me. We are only a small unit so they are like family.

I suggest looking at new jobs, maybe with more money, flexible hours or better hours and maybe near to home. With the new money you could move out and then from there start to look at more jobs in your field. Your anxiety maybe due to your unhappy situation at home combined with how you feel in work. Anxiety is a circle really. You just need to break it.

chin up and positive thinking.