juiceyloop
05-02-11, 05:18
Hey everyone,
I'm looking for some advice its a rather long story i'll cut it down as much as possible...here goes.
When i was 7 my parents divorced, ripped my world apart. Within months both parents had new partners. My dad's partner and me NEVER got on. She hated me i hated her simple as that, and we did some horrible things to each other. I was always a mummys girl as i never felt and love from my dads home. He never hugged me or told me that he loved me. Where as mum was always very lovey. I always said i wanted to live with my mother but she lost the custody battle due to my father having the martial home and a good job. Over the years lots happened and the relationship just broke down. There was verbal & mental abuse (i was no angel, i was a rebeling kid who wanted to be with her mummy) then one day my father snapped and punched me in the face and threw me across a bed etc etc you get the picture. But it was swept under the rug like nothing happen. I spent most of my childhood feeling lonely and crying.
One day when my father was away on work i came home from school and had a pen my best friend gave me and she started screming at me saying i'd stolen it, i snapped and bolted for the front door...never looked back and went to live with mum. I started seeing my dad once every few weeks and we started building an ok relationship. Then BANG out of no where i became Agoraphobic when i left school. I then met a guy through my step dad, had a baby and 5 years on we're still together today :)
But two years ago my step mum striked again and caused a mass arguement after my son was born and me and my father haven't spoken since but he see's my sister frequetly. I am so sick of thinking about him, i've spoken to family about perhaps writting him a message on facebook but i am pretty sure he'll reject me. I hate that after everything he has a hold on me, the man is ashamed of me because he dosen't understand my mental health problems, I love the man obviously and miss hi dearly but i'm not deluding myself into thinking we're ever going to have a father/daughter relationship.
So here's where i need the advice. My son is three this month, i hate that maybe he's suffering for my stubborness. I didn't have a grandfather growing up (on his side) because my father asked that he never get in touch i don't want my little boy to miss out the same way. But then i also dont EVER want my boy to feel the same rejection from him that i endured on a daily basis...so do you think i should get in contact with him, ask if he'd like to see my kid? Or do i just need to get over it and bury all this?
Many thanks for reading my essay :doh:
Xxxx
I'm looking for some advice its a rather long story i'll cut it down as much as possible...here goes.
When i was 7 my parents divorced, ripped my world apart. Within months both parents had new partners. My dad's partner and me NEVER got on. She hated me i hated her simple as that, and we did some horrible things to each other. I was always a mummys girl as i never felt and love from my dads home. He never hugged me or told me that he loved me. Where as mum was always very lovey. I always said i wanted to live with my mother but she lost the custody battle due to my father having the martial home and a good job. Over the years lots happened and the relationship just broke down. There was verbal & mental abuse (i was no angel, i was a rebeling kid who wanted to be with her mummy) then one day my father snapped and punched me in the face and threw me across a bed etc etc you get the picture. But it was swept under the rug like nothing happen. I spent most of my childhood feeling lonely and crying.
One day when my father was away on work i came home from school and had a pen my best friend gave me and she started screming at me saying i'd stolen it, i snapped and bolted for the front door...never looked back and went to live with mum. I started seeing my dad once every few weeks and we started building an ok relationship. Then BANG out of no where i became Agoraphobic when i left school. I then met a guy through my step dad, had a baby and 5 years on we're still together today :)
But two years ago my step mum striked again and caused a mass arguement after my son was born and me and my father haven't spoken since but he see's my sister frequetly. I am so sick of thinking about him, i've spoken to family about perhaps writting him a message on facebook but i am pretty sure he'll reject me. I hate that after everything he has a hold on me, the man is ashamed of me because he dosen't understand my mental health problems, I love the man obviously and miss hi dearly but i'm not deluding myself into thinking we're ever going to have a father/daughter relationship.
So here's where i need the advice. My son is three this month, i hate that maybe he's suffering for my stubborness. I didn't have a grandfather growing up (on his side) because my father asked that he never get in touch i don't want my little boy to miss out the same way. But then i also dont EVER want my boy to feel the same rejection from him that i endured on a daily basis...so do you think i should get in contact with him, ask if he'd like to see my kid? Or do i just need to get over it and bury all this?
Many thanks for reading my essay :doh:
Xxxx