Need Extra Anxiety Advice Urgently Please

[nutteetart]

I have suffered chronically with panic disorder with agoraphobia for ten years to varying degrees and i am currently on 2mg diazepam per day and 450mg Pregabalin. My CBT is currently breaking down a goal of driving 1/2 mile to local shops, go in a shop and return. After 4 weeks i am only driving 1/4 mile alone.
Whether i walk or drive i feel weak and terrified. Everything feels fuzzy and i suffer derealisation and complete disorientation. So as you can see when my husband who is only 46yrs old, had a stroke this week, i am left pretty useless to help him. I am so frustrated with my condition. I just want my life back so i can care for the man who has cared for me for so long without complaint.
Help me step up! I am managing to visit the hospital clutching the arm of my sister, head down, brow furrowed, shoulders hunched into the maze of corridors where clinical things happen making me even more sensitised. My breathing is laboured but i cant relax enough to restore some tummy breathing. I can reach him and i settle a little and then i do the whole trip again later. I feel every step like its going to take my last breath, (which is already short). I keep thinking that this will either kill or cure me and so it is therefore positive but please, if anyone can help me take the edge off it would be appreciated by me and my husband.

[Stezzle]

i think you need to start thinking positively as it seems your self confidence and self esteem have taken a really beating. You need to learn to tell yourself that you CAN do it, instead of thinking of the negatives or what COULD go wrong.

It may take you 3 hours to do what would normally be a 10min walk but you done it. Instead of seeing it has one goal to get to see your husband, break it down into smaller ones and reward yourself afterwards.

Say one goal is to leave your house, which earns you a nice bubble bath.
next goal could be getting to the hospital which could earn you a piece of cake.
and then so on. Sometimes the over all journey etc could be over whelming but by breaking it down into smaller goals it can be managable. When you have completely achieved your goal then take the time to realise what you have achieved and celebrate it.

Good Luck with things and remember stay positive meaning you CAN do it and WILL do it

[ladybird64]

I have suffered chronically with panic disorder with agoraphobia for ten years to varying degrees and i am currently on 2mg diazepam per day and 450mg Pregabalin. My CBT is currently breaking down a goal of driving 1/2 mile to local shops, go in a shop and return. After 4 weeks i am only driving 1/4 mile alone.
Whether i walk or drive i feel weak and terrified. Everything feels fuzzy and i suffer derealisation and complete disorientation. So as you can see when my husband who is only 46yrs old, had a stroke this week, i am left pretty useless to help him. I am so frustrated with my condition. I just want my life back so i can care for the man who has cared for me for so long without complaint.
Help me step up! I am managing to visit the hospital clutching the arm of my sister, head down, brow furrowed, shoulders hunched into the maze of corridors where clinical things happen making me even more sensitised. My breathing is laboured but i cant relax enough to restore some tummy breathing. I can reach him and i settle a little and then i do the whole trip again later. I feel every step like its going to take my last breath, (which is already short). I keep thinking that this will either kill or cure me and so it is therefore positive but please, if anyone can help me take the edge off it would be appreciated by me and my husband.

I know you're under pressure so I will keep this as shortish as I can. Please don't think I don't understand, I do as I suffered from the same problems and almost the same situation (I won't go into that here)

Please stop wishing for your previous life back hun. It's defeatist because it adds pressure without accomplishing anything constructive..at the moment you have got to be thinking of the here and now.

Here's the facts. You are getting there, to the hospital. It doesn't matter how, what matters is that you are doing it.

Don't be frustrated or turn the emphasis around so you are saying you are not good enough to help your husband..you are good enough and you are helping him because you are there.

You know and I know that you aren't going to take your last breath and yes, I so know that it feels like it.

But can't you see what you are doing? You have given us all the physical and psychological symptoms that you feel, describe in detail how you think this may be the end of you..but neglect to say that against all the odds and under tremendous strain you coped. :)

It doesn't matter HOW..you did it. You missed out on the important bits. That wonderful hubby of yours..I don't know how bad his stroke is but I'm sure he is aware you are there..the greatest comfort.

If he is psychologically aware then he knows just how difficult it is for the lady that he loves to be with him..but there you are.

Your nerves will be acting up and scremaing out "stop" because you have turned the tables, you are doing what you have avoided for so long.

You may not think so but you have sent out the strongest message possible to your anx and agoro..it may not feel like it but I promise it's true. The message is that you are not surrendering no matter how rough it gets and you have shown you mean business.

You already have "stepped up". Believe in yourself and what you have done for the man you love. :flowers:

You'll be ok, keep us posted and love to you both. :hugs:

[nutteetart]

Your words make much so much sense and i will try to think of the positives, its just hard when you feel so bad to accept these little progresses. I will try. Thank you for taking the time to support me
Fay

[Thumbelina]

Hi nutty, i feel for you... It is hard to explain the way one can feel when somebody who you lo e needs help and you are helpless becaise of fhis stupid panIc and anxiety. I hope your hubby knows you well enough... Hope you will start ignoring all that bothers you...

[gypsywomen]

all i can add is wow you are doing great ,,i hope your husband better soon he will be so happy your trying so hard GOOD FOR YOU :yesyes:

[midgey]

I echo all that ladybird 64 said. I have been told many many times to stop wishing for my old life back. It's hard when you feel so low to see any positives, but for those of us that have read your posts it's plain to see....you are staring your panic and agoraphobia in the face and moving it aside so that you can be with your husband. It is only doing this that will help you move forward in the future, so I would say hang on to all the achievements you have made. Maybe write them down if you have the time, so that you can begin to build on this in the future.
Big Hugs to you as this is an awful thing to be going through, keep ur head up when ur walking as well....u'll be suprised how liberating that can be.

[ladybird64]

Your words make much so much sense and i will try to think of the positives, its just hard when you feel so bad to accept these little progresses. I will try. Thank you for taking the time to support me
Fay

You're more than welcome Fay :hugs:

Can I suggest a little exercise to do when you are at the hospital, something practical that will also help to challenge your fears?

It is only a small thing but can make a lot of difference to our mindset so here we have :

Fay's challenge No 1. You know that we hang on to whoever is helping us like our life depends on it? It doesn't. :winks:
Yes, I know, but it's the first step to taking control. Let go of your sisters arm. By all means have her walk close to you and I know that you will experience that "electric shock" sensation that makes you want to grab something other wise you'll fall..you won't.
Let your hand dart out and your finger touch her arm but then remove your hand straight away. repeat as often as you have to.

Just being able to stand upright without hanging onto someone else works wonders believe me!

Fay's challenge No 2. When you get the flash of derealisation, stand still and breathe out slowly through pursed lips, lke you are going to whistle.
In an idea world you would stand still and let the panic do it's worse but you have got enough to deal with and you are doing brilliantly so far..we don't want to push it. Just do it for a few seconds, maybe ten.

Every time it happens, stop for a few seconds and breathe. Then off you go again.

That's your two challenges hun or in reality, practical ways of calming and at the same time chipping away at the anxiety even when you are under such strain.

It is often the times when we are under the greatest pressure that we can pull off the biggest successes..it just starts with the small steps of challenging the anxiety slowly..you doing the exact opposite of what you have been doing..what your anxiety expects you to do.

You have already stepped up for hubby, this is about stepping up for you. We want to make you feel good too.

Take care :flowers:

[nutteetart]

Thank you Ladybird, That seems to be two simple things that i am confident to try. They are moving him to a new ward tomorrow so i feel like i have to start again. My sister and i sorted the most easy and direct route to this ward today and that helped a lot because i was encouraging and nuturing a new monster. I will try tomorrow and let you know how i do.
I am scared too about when he is home and people come to see him. I even find talking to people hard at times which means its even hard for me to get help. Looks like its another fear i will have to face head on. lets get on with it then!
Thank you
x

[nutteetart]

Just to let you know, my husband came home last night. No more hospital with any luck. Just scared now that because i am taking care of him indoors, i could become very easily housebound again.

Today is a little up in the air but i am determined to just keep moving. Although i have to stay with my hubby, i can potter in the garden and maybe even go for my little walk. It worries me also because, whenever i have made progress which i obviously have this week (positive!), my past achievments have been shortlived, hence why my shrink gave up on me.

Looking for positives. Its sunny and beautiful, my husband is home, i have the most loving friends and i am coping albeit tentatively, but i am coping.

Thank you
PS Ladybird, i went to the hospital without holding!!!!

[ladybird64]

Woohoo for the self-supporting Fay! :yahoo:

First thing..stuff the shrink, Don't look back at past "achievements" because it is the instant way to make yourself feel a failure.

Second thing..be very very careful of the "have-to's". These come hand in hand with panickers, particularly us agoraphobics. The general idea is we know that to stay at home is not the best thing for us so we devise our "plans" and we usually devise them in great detail.

"I should not stay at home so I must walk around the garden/go to the shops/drive for half an hour/do something else that we don't really want to do but feel that we should do it anyway. Pfft. :lac:
Is it any wonder we feel panicky? We set ourselves such high standards, make so many demands that any possible enjoyment is taken out of the activity, it becomes a chore, we get stressed and hey ho..either really heightened anxiety or panic.

Fay, lets keep it simple and take some pressure off. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want or do anything you don't want to do.
Do you fancy a potter in the garden or do you think you have to do it because it's the right thing to do?

I think you may want to do it because it is a beautiful day just as you mentioned! It could be part of your personal relaxation, your coping skills.
Why not take 10 mins (or less), make a cuppa go out there and just sit quietly? Make it your time. :)

A wise man once told me that although we are generally wired the same way, our panic and anxiety is personal..we own it. What scares me might not bother you and vice-versa..our own minds know what buttons to push to get us scared.

There is no timetable to feel better, we are not in a race. As long as we can remember that by challenging anxiety in small ways that are personal to us we will make it diminish. Guaranteed.

So Fay..all in your own time hun. Take the pressure off yourself, you don't have to behave a certain way, you are excused. :winks:

I totally believe you can feel better in yourself..hope you have faith too. :hugs:

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