GAD and grieving

[Thumbelina]

Hi there, i put on somebodies thread yesterday briefly that my mother in law was found terminally ill 3-4 weeks ago and for the past week was in bed and unconcience. So She passed away an hour ago with all her family aroumd her. Only myself and the kids are still miles away...
I know its not about me now -
Its abou her 4 kids, one of which is my husband and his 7 months pregnant sister but i want to say first that i have GAD for around 4 years now and have been doing really well controlling everything recently, but this time i am a bit struggling with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
My husband just texed me about the news and i am shaking non stop. Iknow its anxiety but its scary.

We all have been in a very dark place for the past 2 weeks when everybody relised my mom in law will probably not get get better. But it was very hard to imagine and accept. She is only 61. She was sick for the past 10 years but she was up and down and everybody expected her to get well this time i suPpose. I wrote in that post earlier - i had so many weird questions for the past few days... Like how can we cope, when we will be able to moove on, how do people grieve. I was crying for the past few days as that was non controllable. I am scared of my own reaction to this sad news as
Selfish as it sounds and i am scared nof to frick out. I am on Ciprapex 10mg but for the past few months i was skipping them allot.
My mam in law was a very special. She tought me many things and i am greteful for the time spent with her, though we lived abroad most of the time of our marriage.
It is really hard to know what to do or to say. Do i go to work, do i take kids to school today? I feel very weird, scared and many many crazy embarrasi g thouvhts are racing through my head.
It is very hard to ratipnalise anythong now.

I feel pain for everybody now and fhe worst is that i am here with the kids and everybody is there, though my husband decided that it was ghe best at that time.
Thank you all for listening.

[ladybird64]

Hi Thumbelina

I'm sorry this post got missed..it happens sometimes and doesn't mean that people don't want to help, sometimes they just don't know what to say. :hugs:

There is no set process for grieving, no "have-to's"..or at least there shouldn't be but it doesn't always work like that. Sometimes us anxious people have a very difficult time actually "feeling"..there is almost an invisible force that makes it hard to express emotions.

Sometimes we don't even know for sure what we are feeling and that leaves us lost.

Do what you think is right for you, if you are up to going to work then go, if not, stay at home. It is wonderful that you had a good relationship with your mother-in -law and you will obviously miss her.

Just do what you think is right..nobody will criticise you for that.

Take care :flowers:

[Thumbelina]

Thank you very mch ladybird, i really appreciate your responce. It means allot for me. I have many people who said they feel for me today at work, but none of them know what a mixture of weird emotions and feelings i have inside now and how scared i am. How will i tell the kids tonight, they are only 8 and 6and they loved gran allot. It is very hard - mch harder than i thought. My stomack and chest are turning and hurting.
Thank you again lady bird for giving a momemt to write me.

Thanks

[JT69]

Hi Thumbalina,

Just wanted to say sorry to hear about you mum-in-law....so sad!! I think its great that you got on with her and was able to spend special moments with her.

Its not easy for anyone when we lose someone we love so much but it does get easier as time goes by.

I think with work etc, it might help but if you are not up to it then just dont go in. People around you will know and be there for you, even when at work.

Telling your children wont be easy but they need to know, greiving is all part of growing up and learning etc, children can often be resiliant...they will be fine.

Sending you a hug.:winks:

TC
Jo.xx

[ditzygirl]

Sweet heart - you poor thing.

Firstly I am sorry you have lost someone so special. It is a very difficult situation losing someone close.

Please dont be afraid of your feelings, its natural to cry and be a little shaky etc, at a time like this - grief has a huge emotional impact on us.

If you feel you are not able to work - take some time out, you have had a shock and its perfectly okay to spend time with your husband who will need support too.

Kids are resiliant when it comes to grief. They will be sad etc but kids bounce back quickly. You cna't lie or make death scary for them.
I was there age when I lost my grandfather - i was his little angel, we were very close. On his passing I was told he had gone to heaven with the angels. Heaven is lovely happy place and people feel no pain and grandad would always be able to see me and wouldn't want me to be sad! That is how I still deal with grief at 40!!!

If your kids are really upset maybe a day off school will help them, but if they go to school make sure the school know in case of any tears.

In time you will be able to deal with this - after all no one would want your mother in law to carry on in pain.

I have experienced lots of grief and PLEASE be reassured you will get through this - it will take time though. And don't be afraid to share with you GP what has happened and how you are feeling.

:bighug1:to you and your family, we are here for you anytimexxx

[Thumbelina]

Thank you ditzygirl. It helps allot. I hope time will help as well. I will be travelling for the funeral to join my hubby. They all seem to be coping at the moment.

Thanks

[midgey]

Hi Thumbalina,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you and your family have lost your motherinlaw.
My Dad died last year, and in the previous 4 years both my motherinlawand my fatherinlaw died. So, for my children they lost two grandads and one nanny in 4 years. It is never an easy thing to tell a child, but as other posts say, and I would agree, children are very resiliant. I alays make time for them to talk about their feelings and we often talk of their grandparents. I got together a photot album and put lots of photos from years ago.......of the kids with the grandparents.....they often look at them.
As with any grief, it does get a little more bearable with time, but I owuld say don't try and put on a front for work...if you need time off then take it.
Wishing you all the best, Thinking of you,

[Thumbelina]

Thanks modgey, i am sorry abou your inlaws, it must have been veryhard for all of you. I know kids should take it ok, its probably more me that overanalysing everything. Will try and find right words tonight. Tha k you

[jothenurse]

I'm sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose someone you are close to. I lost my Mom last August and my Dad passed away in 2001. It is so very hard losing your parents. I still feel the emptiness. It takes a long time to work through these feelings. Just take your time and allow yourself to grieve.

[Thumbelina]

I'm sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose someone you are close to. I lost my Mom last August and my Dad passed away in 2001. It is so very hard losing your parents. I still feel the emptiness. It takes a long time to work through these feelings. Just take your time and allow yourself to grieve.


Thank you andsorry that both of your parents gone...

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Thumbalina I'm sorry that your Mother-in-law has died. You will have some lovely memories of her no doubt and as Ladybird says you will do things as you feel fit to do. My own dear Mother died aged sixty one one and I often wonder what she would be like now? There are many ways to deal with grief and at the moment you'll be feeling very raw. Allow the feelings to come. I'll be thinking of you and your family in the weeks to come. EJ.