newhere81
07-02-11, 15:22
Hi everyone!
Been reading here for about a week and finally plucked up the courage to well tell my story!
To start with I should mention I have always been a bit of a worrier, never happy unless I had something to worry about at work or in a relationship or something else. I also have some mild OCD, sometimes I check the door a couple of times before I leave that sort of thing but basically its all been pretty much in control.
Then last summer some big stuff in my life changed. First my Dad got cancer and at the same time I got a new job which involved moving away in the week and only coming home at weekends.
I was hit really really hard by my Dads illness, we are lucky because we were reassured that it had been caught quite early and it was a very manageable Cancer however it sent me into meltdown, I spent half my life googling everything and finding reasons why it wouldnt be ok. This lasted for a few weeks but then seemed to get back to normal.
Secondly my new job, it was one I had always wanted and I was really excited about it. I am a middle Manager there, with one guy more senior than me and then everyone else works for me. But to be honest it has been a disaster, for a number of reasons I have just not fitted in there, my Manager tells me its not me that its just because I have been bought in to change things and they would dislike anyone who was doing that but he hasnt done anything about it. We are now talking about an office where I just keep my head down, try and not say anything, make a decision but still I get blamed for everything. Some of the people in the office have been down right rude to me yet still nothing has been done.
Post Christmas, a friend of a friend has out of the blue been diagnosed with cancer and told she has a very short time to live. On top of that someone else who was very young and I knew died very suddenly a few weeks ago. He wasnt really a friend but the shock of these events has sent me into an obsession with death. I now feel on edge about everything and it has sent me spiralling about my Dad and I am now convinced everyone is dying. My Mum had a pain in her arm and I couldnt sleep over the thought she had bone cancer.
Finally last week I went to the Doctors and just broke down, she put me on Citalopram but unfortunatly I have a very dodgy stomach and when I took my first one on Saturday it led to me vomiting for 2 days (just out of bed for the first time today :( ) I am going to go back and see her tomorrow
I have also asked for the week off work to try and get my head together, I boss listens and empathises but doesnt do a great deal about it. I called him earlier on and he said he would call me later to talk, I am scared they are going to just ask me to call it a day (been there less than a year so no rights) and then I would have no way to pay bills etc.
I am taking today to get better than I have to look for another job :(
So thats me really!
Been reading here for about a week and finally plucked up the courage to well tell my story!
To start with I should mention I have always been a bit of a worrier, never happy unless I had something to worry about at work or in a relationship or something else. I also have some mild OCD, sometimes I check the door a couple of times before I leave that sort of thing but basically its all been pretty much in control.
Then last summer some big stuff in my life changed. First my Dad got cancer and at the same time I got a new job which involved moving away in the week and only coming home at weekends.
I was hit really really hard by my Dads illness, we are lucky because we were reassured that it had been caught quite early and it was a very manageable Cancer however it sent me into meltdown, I spent half my life googling everything and finding reasons why it wouldnt be ok. This lasted for a few weeks but then seemed to get back to normal.
Secondly my new job, it was one I had always wanted and I was really excited about it. I am a middle Manager there, with one guy more senior than me and then everyone else works for me. But to be honest it has been a disaster, for a number of reasons I have just not fitted in there, my Manager tells me its not me that its just because I have been bought in to change things and they would dislike anyone who was doing that but he hasnt done anything about it. We are now talking about an office where I just keep my head down, try and not say anything, make a decision but still I get blamed for everything. Some of the people in the office have been down right rude to me yet still nothing has been done.
Post Christmas, a friend of a friend has out of the blue been diagnosed with cancer and told she has a very short time to live. On top of that someone else who was very young and I knew died very suddenly a few weeks ago. He wasnt really a friend but the shock of these events has sent me into an obsession with death. I now feel on edge about everything and it has sent me spiralling about my Dad and I am now convinced everyone is dying. My Mum had a pain in her arm and I couldnt sleep over the thought she had bone cancer.
Finally last week I went to the Doctors and just broke down, she put me on Citalopram but unfortunatly I have a very dodgy stomach and when I took my first one on Saturday it led to me vomiting for 2 days (just out of bed for the first time today :( ) I am going to go back and see her tomorrow
I have also asked for the week off work to try and get my head together, I boss listens and empathises but doesnt do a great deal about it. I called him earlier on and he said he would call me later to talk, I am scared they are going to just ask me to call it a day (been there less than a year so no rights) and then I would have no way to pay bills etc.
I am taking today to get better than I have to look for another job :(
So thats me really!