Relationship Problems

[louise0501]

Hiya, i have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months and because of my SA i have never had a boyfriend before so i still find it all a bit awkward is that normal? and i'm still pretty quiet around him but i dont think ill ever be a loud person lol.

my bf lives a 40 min train ride away and he came down to see me on sunday and he had clealy been drinking and then he had a couple more when he was with me and then he started acting weird saying that he was gonna break up with me and he doesn't believe that i love him because i am quiet all the time but i am just a quiet person.

Then he told me that he has a drinking problem and he has only started drinking again as he didnt want me to think he is weird if he never drinks. he was really upset and crying and i just hugged him and said thats it ok. and he told me that he couldnt drive his car because he cant afford the insurance but he admitted sunday that he got caught drink driving and he was banned from driving for a year. i just dont know what to do about the situation? and he was mentioning my quietness so im concious of that now? did he wanna break up with me? i'm just so confused.

Please Reply
Love Louise X

[sammi]

Hi hun.

Don't feel bad or conscious about been quiet or about your bf mentioning it never change who you are for anyone and your bf should accept you been a quiet person not make you feel bad about it. Also to make out its your fault he began drinking again is a bit unfair. I think if he was trying to break up with you he would of just done it there and then obv I don't know your bf so can't say for sure but its seems like he's trying to make you feel bad. X

[Anxious_gal]

Because my mothers in rehab and I have been attending meetings and what not.
I feel I should be honest with you even though it may not be what you want to hear.

He might be in denile.
He tried to blame you, Alcoholics/addicts are good at not taking responsibility. no matter what happens he CHOSE to drink. He picked up that drink and he drank it.

They are also good at lieing and twisting things around, they need to be in order to hide their addiction.

This does not mean he is a bad person. But as you saw he's not the same person while drinking.

I would be very careful, alcoholics need intensive treatment to get better.
Unless the can admit they have a problem and take FULL responsibility for the actions and Beauvoir , as in not blaming their drinking on anyone else.

he cannot control the drinking, it controls him unless he gets help for it.

I too have dated an alcoholic but took me a while to catch on that he had a problem.

I'm just afraid he might turn nasty on you and start blaming things on you, like how my mother was with me when she was drinking.

just be smart and don't let him make you feel guilty.

The guy I dated was in fact always lovely to me even when he drank, so I know not ever person with an addiction is going to be same way.
was he was though , was good at lying and pretending he stopped drinking.

I suggest you take a look at this website just so you can learn a little bit about addiction.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/

Sorry if this reply is negative x my intentions are well meaning x

[kevinpeter]

Dear "Wish to be kissed"

You are right. Kissing is very intimate and I, like you, feel that he may be avoiding making real contact with you.
In a sense, though you've done everything else, he is distancing himself in a way that is unacceptable to you. You have obviously communicated your need to him and he won't do it.
Now it's up to you to decide if this is tolerable to you.
I don't think he's "bi" but I do think that this indicates deeper issues around intimacy. See if you can get him to communicate further. Perhaps he has some trauma involving the erogenous feelings around the lip area.
If other things are good however, this may be just his issue and not an indication of how he feels about you.
If you enjoy his company and you communicate well in other areas, give it some time. He may come around.
In the meantime, try not to take this personally. I doubt it is an indication of anything to do with you.
Let me know how it goes.
Above all, he should be able to understand that this means something to you and be able to discuss it.

[ladybird64]

:spam::spam::spam:

Haven't these idiots got anything better to do? :curse: