nikkinik
09-02-11, 18:17
I'll copy and paste this from my blog as Im just too anxious to type it all out again, added to that the OCD has kicked in, so Im going over stuff, deleting things for no real reason just because 'If I don't do this then I will be ill and something bad will happen' - Im driving myself mad!
I get this thing from time to time, I don't know what it is, but its like a switch just goes, or something clicks in my mind or triggers a panic.. Like earlier, I was just eating my tea, something clicked (I think in a split second I thought 'Im cold, I can't get warm' and I felt a little sick at the same time) and then that feeling of doom comes over, and ever since Ive felt panicky.
Its awful.
So because now Im even colder, the heating is up and Im still cant feel the heat.. Im instantly reminded of the day last Summer (it may even be the one before) where I couldnt get warm and then by bedtime I felt properly ill, under 2 duvets, pyjamas, socks, 2 dressing gowns, heating right up, aching and allsorts, and then I started being sick and was sick so much that I bought up blood.. then ended up at the doctors that morning because I was worried about the blood!
I wish I knew what that switch was so I could turn it off :(
I hate this feeling. I feel sick, totally out of control and I feel right on the verge of a full blown panic. I feel like I can't think straight and am losing it. I can't stop the fact I don't feel well, I can't just forget, its just there.. And while thats there so are the anxious and panicked feelings, they just go hand in hand now.
My mind is racing with; whats wrong with me, Im going to be sick, I dont want to be sick.. why am I going to be sick, what have I got.. I'll be in the hospital.. I'll be there for days, I wont have my own toilet to be sick in, I'll be on my own.. Im tired.. Im drained.. What if I can't sleep tonight, then the tiredness will make me feel more confused..
My mind is just racing. Why do I have to feel this way. I've no idea how to stop :(
I always this 'this time will be the one' where something terrible will happen.
I just feel so confused, like I just can't think straight.. Its like theres so much going through my mind, and yet nothing at the same time!? I cant describe it.
I get this thing from time to time, I don't know what it is, but its like a switch just goes, or something clicks in my mind or triggers a panic.. Like earlier, I was just eating my tea, something clicked (I think in a split second I thought 'Im cold, I can't get warm' and I felt a little sick at the same time) and then that feeling of doom comes over, and ever since Ive felt panicky.
Its awful.
So because now Im even colder, the heating is up and Im still cant feel the heat.. Im instantly reminded of the day last Summer (it may even be the one before) where I couldnt get warm and then by bedtime I felt properly ill, under 2 duvets, pyjamas, socks, 2 dressing gowns, heating right up, aching and allsorts, and then I started being sick and was sick so much that I bought up blood.. then ended up at the doctors that morning because I was worried about the blood!
I wish I knew what that switch was so I could turn it off :(
I hate this feeling. I feel sick, totally out of control and I feel right on the verge of a full blown panic. I feel like I can't think straight and am losing it. I can't stop the fact I don't feel well, I can't just forget, its just there.. And while thats there so are the anxious and panicked feelings, they just go hand in hand now.
My mind is racing with; whats wrong with me, Im going to be sick, I dont want to be sick.. why am I going to be sick, what have I got.. I'll be in the hospital.. I'll be there for days, I wont have my own toilet to be sick in, I'll be on my own.. Im tired.. Im drained.. What if I can't sleep tonight, then the tiredness will make me feel more confused..
My mind is just racing. Why do I have to feel this way. I've no idea how to stop :(
I always this 'this time will be the one' where something terrible will happen.
I just feel so confused, like I just can't think straight.. Its like theres so much going through my mind, and yet nothing at the same time!? I cant describe it.