Struggling with acceptance to get better

[phil06]

My counsellor is trying to encourage me to exercise and go out and be more active but I am finding it quite hard. She says it's simple stuff that doesn't take too long maybe deep breathing and stuff.

But I have a ever growing list of worries in my head health wise maybe it could be..Been times I reach for a book but stop myself just dwelling on what it could be.

I know it maybe will go away when I come to terms with it, my head accepts it, moves on, lives life again..but when? not today, probably not tomorrow, maybe not even this year. I can't find the willpower to change, if I do it's brief until another panic.

Looking on a depersonalization forum never helped as there's all sorts of crazy disorders these people have found I've never heard of which make me feel worse. Diabetes to epilepsy to needing glasses, xx disorder or syndrome to all sorts...it's a symptom that use to come brief but it took over me daily mixture of DP/DR attacks and just can't accept it.

Sometimes you think you do good but anxiety will still linger. I lost my job recently for being late and stuff but it was a comfort zone I now fear finding another job as I am a little worried about going out. But on a positive the traveling for that job was a bit far so maybe I can find a less stressful new job. I feel angry as I can't live my life how I need to I have given up on finding a g.f I still look but feel hopeless. I just feel a bit..can't be bothered about finding a new job partly as I feel I can't walk in and give my all right now.

I've relapsed a few times over the years but I'm finding it hard within myself to cope, accept..just duno what I can try that will work..or what I can motivate myself to stick to. My counselor called me lazy a few weeks ago and I've been told I don't take advice on board but what can I say..some people find this easier than others. I take one step forward and two back..feel I'm shutting everything off right now just to worry about me.:shrug:

[allergyphobia]

Phil, I'm sorry to hear you've lost your job, perhaps you could start some volunteer work, something you enjoy to get you back into the swing, www.do-it.org (http://www.do-it.org) helped me to find some work to boost up my CV.

i know you think you are in a bad place, but i actually disagree. you might find this weird but i've actually been frustrated with you in the past as you have cycled round and round with your posts and not taken anybodys advice. but it sounds as though now you are completely aware of your situation, what you are like... and i believe this to be the first step into acceptance...and then comes recovery...

don't be too hard on yourself, one day at a time Phil x

[phil06]

Thanks for the reply..I just feel so annoyed as I want another job but it's hard to find one and keep one and the other side of the coin is anxiety.

I just thought there how reading a book about anxiety would give me relief for a week but when the knowledge goes to the back of my mind I let it beat me again.

Last time I got over a blip it was a gradual step can't even remember the day but I would go out and not worry. It makes me wonder if I really need to do all the self help and just get out there and live my life? I fear the effort or just thinking about anxiety could be holding me down. Because I can think of days I just did something and it worked..

At the moment I feel free from past stresses just what's going on in my own head..so in a sense I feel relaxed. I think going to the job centre helps as I'm up early and it's local the place I worked was another town. But I was out of work for a spell start of last year before my anxiety kicked in and I'd panic going on the bus to the job centre.

If I'm being honest I feel in myself I am getting bored of this anxiety and it's peak of staying indoors for months could be over even though I am still indoors alot now..I know somebody else that it went away with just in a time thing getting bored of it. Maybe just not care anymore?

[European]

I think one thing is fairly predictable: You're not getting better on the basis of merely describing your symptoms and how you are feeling on here. I've come across so many of your posts, and they seem to serve merely one purpose, which is to talk your way out of it in order not to have to face up to the reality of your problems and actually do something. I'm not being callous when I say, you're not going to talk your way out of this, because this is not how these kind of problems work. And the more you go on and on in circles, the less you will actually do. At the end of the day, you are your own worst enemy.

I think each and every one of us on here knows that dealing with our mood disorder isn't easy - but then, nobody promised it would be easy. Why should it be easy?
The more you go on writing on here, phil06, and egg people on to feel sorry for you and to dissect every possible symptom in minute detail, the more you will keep yourself treading water instead of actually making proactive steps that might have the effect of making you feel better. You can go on about your symptoms until the cow's come home, but that won't change the slightest thing about them.

You've obviously received a lot of good and constructive advice, not just on this forum, but also from your counsellor. Don't just talk about it - do it!