How to feel more trust/belief in people?

[Ecclesiastes]

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas for ways I can help to reduce a deep feeling of mistrust in all people. I have a constant gut feeling that people will treat me badly and laugh at anything I do or say, which is preventing me from making friends, discussing my ideas and interests, or asking anyone for any kind of advice or help.

I've done some CBT work and a lot of ABC forms and I'm quite on top of the thinking; I don't really believe that everybody is bad and untrustworthy but the instinctive feeling is sometimes unbearable, especially in social situations and when I need to ask people questions at work.

One idea I've had is to maybe keep a diary of good things that people have said or done to me, in order to remind myself that these things do happen on a regular basis. Have you got any other good suggestions? Thanks.

[European]

I think trust is an active decision everybody can take for themselves. Or not, as the case might be.

And unless there is some childhood trauma or history of abuse of some kind, that is triggering off negativity (understandably so under such circumstances, as distrust for an abused child is a form of self-protection. This doesn't mean, however, that distrust is still functioning in a self-protective way as an adult, particularly if this means one is standing in one's own way and is undermining to get what one needs on account of a lack of trust. Childhood adaptations become generally maladaptive in adult life: The strategies are just not working any longer, because as an adult one isn't dependent on others any longer and has much more leeway regarding one's strategies in dealing with life), there isn't much reason why one should be distrustful in the first place. For most people it's a question of attitude. And attitudes can be changed in our favour in order to suit our needs better.

I think your idea with the diary is a brilliant idea! I'm having a hunch that it will probably become pretty obvious pretty soon that the positive experiences, i.e. those experiences justifying trust when people were actually treating you well or meeting your needs will outweigh the negative experiences, probably by quite a margin. Would be interesting to see how you're getting on, and what the actually outcome of the diary would really be! :)

[Ecclesiastes]

Thanks, I'm glad you think it's a good idea. I think I already have the right attitude but am trying to do whatever I can to actually take control of that strong feeling of distrust that's always with me.

I'm trying to give the diary a go, can post some up here if you're interested.

[European]

"I think I already have the right attitude but am trying to do whatever I can to actually take control of that strong feeling of distrust that's always with me." >Ecclesiastes

Out of interest: Is it categorically just people, or life in general, that you distrust?

And do you trust yourself?

And yes, I think your attitude is going in the right direction and I for one would certainly read some of your diary if posted on here. Why don't you give it a go? I'm sure some others might be interested as well. :)

[Ecclesiastes]

Mostly people, although I have a mistrust of my own judgment too. I didn't buy a TV for months after moving into my flat because I was so preoccupied with the idea that I would buy the 'wrong' one.

Well, I've been writing this diary for a few days now and it's fantastic. Perhaps understandably I'm anxious about posting it as the people it refers to might recognise it - however I might find some way of 'anonymising' it so I can show you. But it really is a thrill to look back on the little good things that happen every day that I would otherwise have forgotten about. I hope I can keep it up.

[AzulAbyss]

i have a problem wanting to trust other people with the trust that i would be giving them because i recognize that it takes longer to establish trust than it takes to destroy it and i have a huge issue with that
:weep::weep::weep:
which is why i am very selective about who my friends are and why i have such a high standard for them to even get close enough that i would consider them to be a friend