phil06
12-02-11, 23:56
I feel I have a problem I can't free myself of anxiety. I've almost had my six sessions of counselling and it helped maybe the first one or two but i don't believe in affirmations or "just go out". I just keep getting continual anxiety and I just can't cope with it.
I know it's not normal to feel this way so in my head I go through the processes of which help I need next..worst case I go to the doctors and demand to know what is wrong..I can't accept I just have anxiety no matter what people say I feel it's so unbearable feeling fatigued and hit by symptoms physical to mental. I can't push myself or motivate myself to accept it and I have at times but more so now I just refuse..I now have no stress..I removed myself from it all it's all in the past but I feel as worse as ever no sign of it easing.
Just to talk through tonight as that's whats on my mind right now..I was asked to a friends and today I felt crap anyway..I ended up going thought I did well going but came back early again..this has happened more regular the last six months..basically I felt hot, my heart felt sunk into my chest that I could not feel it...and I still had the spiciness from earlier so I couldn't engage in conversation..I was quiet focusing on trying to hide how I felt..so In the end I made an excuse I was tired..but I felt so disconnected I felt my body and mind were not on the planet..just never felt alive it's like a sensation feels pressured like the world is small..I got a taxi home but right now I suffer mild agoraphobia and just getting on a bus seems a major task..finding my way home..some days lately this week just getting up getting breakfast seems hard and I stay on lying in bed..and it feels so real in my head that I can't do it and just have to put up with it..no willpower atall.
I've accepted it can't continue...I've no life living like this I don't feel alive suffering what I suspect is derealization all day. My world is tiny just my bedroom right now..I use to have ambitions of travelling further even to see my sister down south or just to the next town but not now..I put it off and off..and I realise it's been months and I'm missing out..it just seems such an ordeal to "do the task" what helped before was I said well I can last it..go home and lie in bed and yes I'd battle on, come home and just feel the safety of my bed. However tonight I just kept saying "doctors, doctors, maybe I'll faint" so I got the taxi..couldn't even last it out. A few months ago when I had DP bad it was that much of an ordeal to get through a day I went a walk and lasted 1 minute and ran inside..however I manage 15 mins a day pushing myself now.
I posted so much about how I feel and don't feel it will even help..not wanting sympathy just if somebody could understand and make me realise there's hope..as right now I feel defeated..I'm starting to realise agoraphobia could be a slight issue as going out is such a thing for me has been for months even when I worked until recently. Why am I scared to go out? Well the world seems small, compressed, in my head anyway so I feel I can't bear the symptoms..just need to be at home..I feel too that if I pass out I rather do so privately than people see me in public..
It's hard to see what's going on here..I have weeks where the so called ''derelization' is more bearable and when it just suddenly comes..progressively gets worse as the week goes on, just topples my mental stability and all my normal activities even browsing my fav site goes to google...worry, fear..my mind goes blank..I become distant from life, quiet, hide away...I automatically stop socialising..and feel I have little to say..just because of how I feel.
So I just need to feel life again..I can't stay off these sites and worrying. As for self help well I picked up a book this week when I have been suffering DP/DR and I can honestly say I glazed at it half taking it in knowing my mind was somewhere else..instantly I put it down and said rubbish and kept worrying. Yet when my head was clear it made sense..or at times of panic I don't use tools to help I just sit feeling "omg heart attack".
I don't want to go on meds I take propranolol that's it. But the way it's going I may have to look at options as nothing helps me. My only real stress is my life is not where I want it to be but I'm more angry at myself because anxiety is stopping me..I lost my job last weekend but right now the thought of working seems hard because I don't think I can be 100%. Every day I feel it's a miracle I lasted it..got through it..I never enjoy a day fully..any relaxing moment is brief..I'm always tense.
Can anybody understand? Must be some help for me? :shrug:
I know it's not normal to feel this way so in my head I go through the processes of which help I need next..worst case I go to the doctors and demand to know what is wrong..I can't accept I just have anxiety no matter what people say I feel it's so unbearable feeling fatigued and hit by symptoms physical to mental. I can't push myself or motivate myself to accept it and I have at times but more so now I just refuse..I now have no stress..I removed myself from it all it's all in the past but I feel as worse as ever no sign of it easing.
Just to talk through tonight as that's whats on my mind right now..I was asked to a friends and today I felt crap anyway..I ended up going thought I did well going but came back early again..this has happened more regular the last six months..basically I felt hot, my heart felt sunk into my chest that I could not feel it...and I still had the spiciness from earlier so I couldn't engage in conversation..I was quiet focusing on trying to hide how I felt..so In the end I made an excuse I was tired..but I felt so disconnected I felt my body and mind were not on the planet..just never felt alive it's like a sensation feels pressured like the world is small..I got a taxi home but right now I suffer mild agoraphobia and just getting on a bus seems a major task..finding my way home..some days lately this week just getting up getting breakfast seems hard and I stay on lying in bed..and it feels so real in my head that I can't do it and just have to put up with it..no willpower atall.
I've accepted it can't continue...I've no life living like this I don't feel alive suffering what I suspect is derealization all day. My world is tiny just my bedroom right now..I use to have ambitions of travelling further even to see my sister down south or just to the next town but not now..I put it off and off..and I realise it's been months and I'm missing out..it just seems such an ordeal to "do the task" what helped before was I said well I can last it..go home and lie in bed and yes I'd battle on, come home and just feel the safety of my bed. However tonight I just kept saying "doctors, doctors, maybe I'll faint" so I got the taxi..couldn't even last it out. A few months ago when I had DP bad it was that much of an ordeal to get through a day I went a walk and lasted 1 minute and ran inside..however I manage 15 mins a day pushing myself now.
I posted so much about how I feel and don't feel it will even help..not wanting sympathy just if somebody could understand and make me realise there's hope..as right now I feel defeated..I'm starting to realise agoraphobia could be a slight issue as going out is such a thing for me has been for months even when I worked until recently. Why am I scared to go out? Well the world seems small, compressed, in my head anyway so I feel I can't bear the symptoms..just need to be at home..I feel too that if I pass out I rather do so privately than people see me in public..
It's hard to see what's going on here..I have weeks where the so called ''derelization' is more bearable and when it just suddenly comes..progressively gets worse as the week goes on, just topples my mental stability and all my normal activities even browsing my fav site goes to google...worry, fear..my mind goes blank..I become distant from life, quiet, hide away...I automatically stop socialising..and feel I have little to say..just because of how I feel.
So I just need to feel life again..I can't stay off these sites and worrying. As for self help well I picked up a book this week when I have been suffering DP/DR and I can honestly say I glazed at it half taking it in knowing my mind was somewhere else..instantly I put it down and said rubbish and kept worrying. Yet when my head was clear it made sense..or at times of panic I don't use tools to help I just sit feeling "omg heart attack".
I don't want to go on meds I take propranolol that's it. But the way it's going I may have to look at options as nothing helps me. My only real stress is my life is not where I want it to be but I'm more angry at myself because anxiety is stopping me..I lost my job last weekend but right now the thought of working seems hard because I don't think I can be 100%. Every day I feel it's a miracle I lasted it..got through it..I never enjoy a day fully..any relaxing moment is brief..I'm always tense.
Can anybody understand? Must be some help for me? :shrug: