Panic Attack Relapse

[jduh]

I haven't been on here in ages. In 2008 i had CBT and it really helped my anxiety. I still avoided being too far away from home so no holidays and public transport but i was able to travel by car the 40min trip to see my family.

I started my mental health nurse training and even though it was stressful it was going well.

However last year i had a horribly stressful year, i have 2 major fallings out with friends and lost a big support network and a family situation got ten times worse and my course got really stressful. Then on Xmas day i had a panic attack in the evening, first proper one since my CBT. I ended up getting so panicy i barely ate or slept for a week before eventually getting help from the mental health crisis team and having to take medication which makes me anxious in itself.

Now it's 6 weeks on and i've taken nearly a month off my course, avoiding driving, panicing about traffic accidents and being stuck and not being able to get to my safety places or people. I can't bare the idea of going back to how i was when i could barely leave the house. I don't want to have to experience this again. Being anxious all the time is so draining and it's putting a lot of strain on my partner.

I'm waiting for CBT again but in the mean time i'm worried i'm going to fail my course which i only have 6 months left of. Also i wonder how i can be a mental health nurse when i can't even look after my own mental health.

Sometimes i think i'd be better off dead than having to deal with this again. It's so hard and i don't really know what to do.


I've thought about Hypnotherapy but it scares me that it will damage my brain. Medication scares me as i think it will damage my brain. Anxiety scares me because i think it will make me go crazy and i'll have a nervous breakdown.

I don't really know what the point of this thread is, it's just good to get it off my chest in a forum where people know exactly what i feel like.


Jade

[Mazzmate]

Jade, I am sorry you have had a relapse, and that life seems to be kicking you in the teeth at the moment, but you hang on in there. You carry on with your mental health nurse training because having experienced anxiety and panic attacks yourself you will be able to understand and empathise with others who you will be helping with similar problems. However painful your own experiences are they will be invaluable in your chosen career because you will know the feelings your clients are trying to explain to you. One day at a time, and one foot in front of the other, keep going and I hope you will be feeling better soon.

[blueangel]

While you're waiting for CBT, try and revise what you did in CBT before, as that obviously helped you. Try challenging some of your thinking, so that you're finding evidence to support rational thought, such as:

"Medication scares me as I think it will damage my brain"

OK, what's the evidence for that - brain damage is not listed amongst the side effects of anti-depressants, so logically what are the chances of this happening to you? Think of the other people you've come into contact with who have taken medication - do any of them have brain damage as a result of it? Therefore, the probability of medication damaging your brain is very small.

(I realise that there are all sorts of other arguments for and against medication, but I'm just using this as an example).

I'm sure that this is what you will have done in CBT before, so try and go back to the work you did, as it might help you keep yourself together until you get an appointment.

[chatterbox]

hi Jade
I have never heard of getting brain damage from meds of any kind!and sometimes you need to fallback on them at tmes of relapses to help you get by. it will help you Holly

[European]

I think we are living in a culture where people are resulting to medication far too easily these days. Which can be particularly counter-productive when it comes to mood disorders:

As the term 'mood disorder' indicates, emotions are very much at the heart of it. And it's only via learning to accept these emotions and allowing oneself to let them run their course/process them, that one give oneself the chance to reach the other end of the tunnel. Medication is by its very nature not overly helpful in this, particularly in the long run, as it artificially calms or numbs the relevant emotions down, which means there is not much chance of actually dealing with, and hence overcoming them, in a medicated frame of mind. It's not surprising that a lot of people applying medication will be on it for years, if not decades to come....

Having said that, I don't think there are any indications that anti-depressants are causing damage to the brain.

"Now it's 6 weeks on and i've taken nearly a month off my course, avoiding driving, panicing about traffic accidents and being stuck and not being able to get to my safety places or people. I can't bare the idea of going back to how i was when i could barely leave the house. I don't want to have to experience this again." >jduh

I think you're doing the classic thing panic sufferers do after a relapse: Taking it far, far too seriously and coming up with a kind of knee-jerk reaction, i.e. recoiling from the emotions involved and falling back on all kinds of avoidance behaviours. Which is totally understandable - but be aware that the more you avoid all kinds of situations, the more overwhelming these situations become.

In short, by avoiding those negative emotions you are giving your brain the signal that there is something real to be frightened about, and consequently your brain will react, and the anxiety will increase.
I know it's difficult, but try not to avoid, but to face up to those horrible feelings and ride them like a wave. You will see that over time these feelings will actually subside, often more quickly than you might expect.

Also, there is a lot you can do with CBT on your own, and if you've applied it successfully in the past, there is no good reason why you shouldn't be able to apply it again in the present. You are not dependent on a therapist in doing this!

[jduh]

I have been working through a self help step by step program that is working a little. I'm making myself do relaxation everyday and practice relaxed breathing as well as exercising.
Yesterday i got one of my CBT sheets for challenging avoidance behaviours or faulty thinking out and filled it in to challenge the thought of not being able to cope with a panic attack by myself. This is a big fear of mine. I'm going to spend the week at home doing assignments by myself so if i do panic i will have to cope with it which could reinforce the idea that i am strong enough to cope with it.
I've also started making a list of things to do each night for the next day so i'm not sitting around thinking about my anxiety. I made a point of including going for a walk each day as i know the more i stay inside the more agoraphobic i become.
I've avoided driving the last few weeks so tonight i am going to drive me and partner out tonight.
I don't want to take medication. I've tried antidepressants but i worry so much about side effects that i end up making myself panic over them. I have PRN Lorazepam if needed but i haven't taken it in nearly 3 weeks, i'd rather only take it as a last resort.
I know i can do it because i've done it before i just seem to find slipping back into avoidance is much easier than going with it.

[European]

This sounds like a lot of very good and pro-active steps in the right direction, Jade! You seem to know yourself well, and you also seem to know how to deal with yourself on a variety of levels. I'm sure if you keep going, instead of allowing yourself to slip back into avoidance, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

And even if you should panic every now and again along the way, don't blow this out of proportion. It is part and parcel of the whole process.
It's not possible to make an omelette without breaking eggs - and in the same way it's not possible to overcome panic without feeling it. Don't allow those feelings to discourage you, or play down the progress you're making - or indeed belittle the courage that was necessary in order to get the process going. Just try to accept them as a necessary evil in order to come out at the other end. All the best! :)

[ladybird64]

This sounds like a lot of very good and pro-active steps in the right direction, Jade! You seem to know yourself well, and you also seem to know how to deal with yourself on a variety of levels. I'm sure if you keep going, instead of allowing yourself to slip back into avoidance, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

And even if you should panic every now and again along the way, don't blow this out of proportion. It is part and parcel of the whole process.
It's not possible to make an omelette without breaking eggs - and in the same way it's not possible to overcome panic without feeling it. Don't allow those feelings to discourage you, or play down the progress you're making - or indeed belittle the courage that was necessary in order to get the process going. Just try to accept them as a necessary evil in order to come out at the other end. All the best! :)

Are you panic free yourself nowadays?

[European]

"Are you panic free yourself nowadays?" >ladybird64

Pretty much so, yes. Panic doesn't play a role in my everyday life any longer and I can happily do everything I want to do these days.

The only thing I'm still having a problem with is blood, needles and medical procedures, which I think is probably more of a phobia, probably even post traumatic, on the basis of having a mother who is suffering from health anxiety, and who dragged me from doctor to doctor, and hospital to hospital from a very early age (without there actually having been anything wrong with me! For a child, this was quite traumatic).

But this is a problem that isn't affecting me on a daily basis, as I'm thankfully quite healthy and fit. *knocks on wood* I'm not entirely sure what the best course of action would be, but I'm considering plucking up the courage to do something about it in the near future, maybe some therapy. I'm not quite sure yet.

[nutteetart]

Hi Jade
You sound like the things that come from my head!

I have safe people, safe places, safe distances too but when i really think about it, nowhere is safe because its all within me.

You sound like you were doing really well. When i have a bad day i go to bed and think, 'ok lets start again tomorrow'. Tomorrow is ALWAYS better. I dont mean that i dont struggle but it puts a full stop on the bad day. I had one on Sunday so Monday morning i started a new day.

I have heard that hypnotherapy is really good for our condition. I am still too scared to go but seek out a Clinical Hypnotherapist because they use CBT as well. You are not broken, just wandered off the path a little. Get back in the saddel!
XXX

[forwells]

I've thought about Hypnotherapy but it scares me that it will damage my brain

you do this everyday to yourself . It is the thing that keeps you in anxiety . Hypnotherapy only what we tell our subconscious mind.

[jonny582]

I think its important not to see it as a relapse, just accept that with this illness we will have good times and bad, hopefully it will get too the point where the good out number the bad.

I understand the fear of meds, they can have some nasty side effects but mostly they are rare. I personally chose not to take meds as i don't think i can recover properly while on them as i will never know if its the meds coping or me.

I have had hypnotherapy, it cannot harm you in anyway, but i would recommend that you make sure you see someone who is fully qualified.

Exercise and diet are massively important, i have noticed that since i have sorted these out i am less anxious but it took a few weeks to notice any real difference.

You clearly recognise that avoidance is wrong and that it feeds the fear so you are on the right track. Just remember no harm can come from your fears, the worst is that you may feel uncomfortable.