Cant take it anymore

[sandy40]

Im so terrified ive cancer..my back hurts..sometimes a sharp pain above my buttocks other times its around my ribs,also it can travel to my neck and feel warm..im scared to go to my GPs as i cannot face another test as this might be the test to confirm my fear..my bowels are loose and have been for a few weeks now,i had a colonoscopy done in Nov last year as i was constipated quick alot and my bowel was clear..today im bad heartburn and ive had enough,my biggest fear is leaving my 2 precious children yet im so ashamed to say i thought of killing myself as i know im going to be told ive cancer and i cannot face it..my bloods were done in nov and my full blood count was normal..im taking Pregabalin and Mertazapine but i feel they are not working..im so scared.

[kah]

Oh hun, please go back to your GP and ask for help, you should not be suffering like this.
Cancer is also my big fear and like you I've had all sorts of tests/blood work etc and I'm still convinced I've got it. My CBT Therapist (who is also a psychiatrist!) taught me a good way to look at things and for the first time in months I feel like I'm moving forward. It's very simple but you have to be very strict with yourself and not let your mind wander.

OK, so when you have a pain and your mind immediately thinks 'it's cancer' sit down and write some challenging thoughts as to why it ISN'T cancer i.e. blood tests have been clear, scans clear, average age of whatever cancer is 70... etc. Think of the challenging thoughts as giving evidence in court, so it has to be proven things like test results not just 'I don't think it's cancer'. Also write down what you would say to a friend who came to you with the same pain i.e. if they had headache for example would you say 'you have a brain tumour' or would you simply tell them to take some paracetemol? By looking at it from someone else's point of view you will start to get an idea of how irrational the thoughts are, back that up with the evidence and you will see how very unlikely it would be for you to have cancer. If this works for you, you could make some flash cards with the challenging thoughts on and put them in your pocket for when you start to get anxious and read them over a couple of times.

Sorry if you've done CBT and know this already, just wanted to share as it's the only thing that's worked for me so far and I really am starting to feel less anxious and the symptoms I've had for months are starting to go. I'm not saying it's easy, the mind is a very powerful thing and as my symptoms are disappearing my mind is trying to replace them with new symptoms but I'm not allowing it this time - I've had enough!!!

Please talk to your hubby or friends/family, if you are feeling this desperate you really need to let those close to you know. Please feel free to PM anytime.

K xx

[sandy40]

Hi K,im doing CBT but its not working,i feel worse if anything,i did the court case thing but it just isnt enough for me to believe it..my backs not been scanned or anything and im scared now to have it done incase its the thing i most fear..i sit for hours on my hunkers on my laptop..my hubby says its that thats causing my back/ribs to hurt as im on the floor with my laptop on a low table? could it be ?everytime i eat i get stomach pains and need the loo..im thinking cancer is now everywhere in my body,its too much to cope with now.x

[kah]

I just had a thought, do you have IBS?
I get lower backache with that but mostly pain up under my ribs and in ovary area. You've mentioned you have loose stools at the moment but had constipation before, that's another symptom of IBS. Stress/anxiety will make symptoms of IBS much worse so if your symptoms are getting worse it could just be that.

Have you explained to your GP just how low you are feeling? I'm on Mirtazipine too and they've not helped with my anxiety at all but they do give me a good nights sleep so I don't really want to stop them!! I think it's very much trial and error with Anti-depressants, if the ones you are taking aren't working maybe you should try some different ones.

K xx

[sandy40]

Well my colonoscopy last year was to outrule any nasties and it was clear but ive not had the followup appt yet with my Gastroenterologist to see what he says but my bowel was defo clear..so will he say ive IBS? Im going to try and see my gp tomorrow they know how bad i feel but the referred me on to a Pysciatrist and she has the say what meds ive to take but i dont see her again until 23rd march..the Mert isnt even giving me a good sleep anymore.x Can IBS cause bad pain? x

[kah]

Yes when I have a bad flare up of IBS it's extremely painful, for me it's worst under my ribs and in my sides (feels like stitch). I've thought before that I have stomach cancer but I realise now that it really is just IBS and the more I stress about it, the worse it gets.

There's loads on here about IBS, I even read somewhere that it can give you pain under the armpits, in the chest and neck. You wouldn't think IBS could cause such pain but there's lots of people on here who will tell you otherwise. If you do have IBS it's very treatable with lots of different medication you can take but hopefully if you find out it's that your anxiety will lessen and so will your symptoms.

My anxiety started when I had my 1st daughter so you are not alone in worrying about leaving your children but please do not spend so much time worrying because when you do get better you'll really regret all the time you wasted on worrying about something that was't going to happen. Someone said this to me and I think that's when I started to look at things a bit differently.

K xx

[sandy40]

I thought i had stomach cancer too,but they did a upper scope and it showed inflammation..my said IBS to me last year but i said you cannot just dx IBS you have too outrule the nasties first so thats why they did the lower scope..he gave me Mebeverine but it doesnt help.My anxiety started last July i dont know how/why..my Psychiatrist thinks its all today with my youngest who was very ill march 09,no-one believed me he was ill but i was right,but i dont think its that.x

[sandy40]

My *gp* said ibs to me

[kah]

Mebeverine doesn't work for me either. Have you tried Colpermin, they seem to help me a little.
Yes I can see that your child being ill and no-one believing you would start off HA but sometimes there isn't a trigger and it just happens. Mine is all based around leaving my 2 girls, I even dream about dying!!

I hope you get on ok with your GP tomorrow, let me know how it goes.

K xx