update x

[victoria_s]

hey guys, well just a little update. not sure where to put these but ive always posted in this part so il just pop it here.
so, im still waiting on start date of new job so no word on that as yet. but ive been to docs today to get my puffers for asthma and started saying how frightened i was about moving away and not being able to have a propranolol (gift from the gods!) when i have an episode due to me getting asthma again. long story short - she has given me 20mg citalopram. i did say years ago they made me dizzy but to be honest at that time being the very peak of my anxiety any tablet i took i was convinced was going to kill me .. so it was probably not as bad. any ways, i should be starting to new job in 5 weeks , im really not sure whether to start talking them now or when i get there or what. im not starting on 20 thats for sure, il half them. what time do you think would be best to take them ? im also really concerned about weight gain. i didnt gain that much on propranolol and i was on a heros amount . 40mg 3 times a day. well i though it was alot lol. i loved that stuff - shame i got asthma. she did say i would probably be ok as ive had no reaction before but it just wouldnt be worth the risk. id probably worry about having one and end up having one !! i dont feel too bad today- im full of cold aswell but very tired, didnt really have any sleep at all. cant think of what else to babble on about so il leave it there. vicky (wrapped up in bed with a bin full of tissues and a cup of tea :) )

[leeroy]

hey Victoria

all sounds positive in the main, you even sound kinda upbeat about being in bed with a brew lol

I wish thats what I was doing now, sitting at this desk worrying is horible

what do you have lined up as your new job? Hollywood actress? Catwalk model? Explorer? lol

[victoria_s]

unfortuantly nothing so exciting hehe. just administration for a company in leeds. i dont think the waiting and waiting is helping. id rather just get cracking on with things, the more i wait the more i have time to think which isnt good haha. we still havnt found a place to live but they are giving me 4 weeks notice for my current job. it should be in the next week or so. i have alot of thoughts racing through my head at the moment so im just trying to relax and think about them slowly and properly. at the moment it is (i suppose is a bit of a laugh for you if your at work feeling panicky)

1. shall i take a half cit tonight- i havnt told my partner yet the doc give me them he will probably say i dont need them and bla bla bla. hmmmm
2. i havnt had a ciggy all day. im trying to stop and i know il feel worse if i have one but i really want one. do i stop smoking now when im probably going to feel like crap and peaked anxiety for the next few days??
3. i am not looking forward to gaining weight at all. its putting me off taking them.
4. will i still be me i have read loads on people changing a bit and i do enjoy a drink, what if i start going crazy when ive had a drink...
5. my current job is so incredibly boring i feel like jumping into the river next to it ,i dread going to work its so depressing and dull.
6. i am going to get up for a another cup of tea and a cig then come back to bed and feel sorry for myself and feel worse because i had a fag.

:wacko::wacko::wacko:

[leeroy]

unfortuantly nothing so exciting hehe. just administration for a company in leeds. i dont think the waiting and waiting is helping. id rather just get cracking on with things, the more i wait the more i have time to think which isnt good haha. we still havnt found a place to live but they are giving me 4 weeks notice for my current job. it should be in the next week or so. i have alot of thoughts racing through my head at the moment so im just trying to relax and think about them slowly and properly. at the moment it is (i suppose is a bit of a laugh for you if your at work feeling panicky)

1. shall i take a half cit tonight- i havnt told my partner yet the doc give me them he will probably say i dont need them and bla bla bla. hmmmm

if the doctor has recomended them and you feel they will help then maybe you should

2. i havnt had a ciggy all day. im trying to stop and i know il feel worse if i have one but i really want one. do i stop smoking now when im probably going to feel like crap and peaked anxiety for the next few days??

don't doo it, giving up smoking is so hard and wont get any easier if you give in to it

3. i am not looking forward to gaining weight at all. its putting me off taking them.

try and do something positive about the potential weight gain, join a gym or do a light jog a few times a week / watch what you eat to an extent, it'll counter any hormonale weight gain :)

4. will i still be me i have read loads on people changing a bit and i do enjoy a drink, what if i start going crazy when ive had a drink...
5. my current job is so incredibly boring i feel like jumping into the river next to it ,i dread going to work its so depressing and dull.

you'll always be you, but if you find that it's really effecting your character, consult your GP again and try soemthing else... you'll not go mad off the booze, although I am finding anything more than a few oints in a day although makes me feel amazing at the time leaves me in a bad way panic wise the next .... it's so gutting cos although I aint an out and out beer monster it is a big social thing in my circles

6. i am going to get up for a another cup of tea and a cig then come back to bed and feel sorry for myself and feel worse because i had a fag.

get the tea treat yourself to a biccy, drop the cig idea (i know it aint easy)

:wacko::wacko::wacko:

theres a few pointers in your quote lol

hope I don't sound like a know it all, just a few opinions

[victoria_s]

thanks leeroy- i never went for one haha. just been watching tv all night really. i feel like i want everything now i hate waiting and the whole process of doing something. im really beginning to doubt whether i should take citalporam , im not convinced i need them. i do have anxiety and stuff and the odd random attack now but my god nothing like what i used to get. i just dont know. im worried that they will make me feel funny and i dont like feeling not in control at all. told my partner and like i thought said i dont need them and im thinking hmmm do i? im ok really? maybe once i get down there i will perk up with all the new things to do? pah i think too much .