Really frustrated...

[happycamper]

I don't moan often, but got to get this off my chest here.

I just cannot understand this anxiety malarky, it's annoying me so much, I presently feel physically angry!

Never had an anxiety problem to my knowledge until the last 4 years or so, since I was about 36. Loads of big life stressors triggered it, fair enough. Realised and accepted I needed some help and treatment last summer, started on cit - fabulous. Started seeing a psychologist, even better. Learned about anxiety, why I had it and what I needed to do to help myself deal with it to get back to normal. Never had any time off work either - all good stuff.

My main weakness was worrying myself senseless that something terrible was bound to happen, loads of catastrophising going on and that every ache and pain was something sinister and I'd leave my 2 young boys motherless.

Well, thought I'd cracked it, what a lovely month I've had, crap weather but still relaxed and happy me. Then...booomph, it's back, almost overnight. My stomach is playing up big time, I feel really paniky, and this dark anxiety cloud is sitting over me. Just written a thought record, no help. Trying to relax and think nice thoughts, no such luck. I'm so frustrated. No trigger for this, other than stomach indigestion pains, not sure which came 1st time time....

If anyone can enlighten me as to what's going on and send some cyber humor I'll be eternally grateful.

Frustratedcamper x

[ladybird64]

Hiya :)

When I gave up trying to understand anxiety, I started to cope with it better!

Seriously..I have been where you are in terms of frustration so may times, when everything was on the up, allwas going well and everything was right with the world.

Wallop..knocked back with a vengeance.

I can only advise you on what has been helpful for me although you may not like the sound of it..don't get cross with me! :hugs:

Accept it. Not in the sense of "woe is me, I feel so bad again" yadda yadda but be tolerant of the fact that for whatever unfathomable reason, you are susceptible and this may happen from time to time.

I still get pis..ahem..peed off with it and I'm in a bit of a dodgy frame of mind at the moment but I know it will pass without any action from me.

Experience has taught me that we inadvertently put a heck of a lot of pressure on ourselves to do well, stay well and if we have a setback..all hell lets loose!

You're "trying to relax"..c'mon missus, you know as well as I do all that concentrating and effort focuses the mind even more on the fact that we are anxious..and round we go in circles.

You worry about your tummy pains and what came first, anxiety or pain. I don't have HA so I go looking for explanations of a different nature, a situation with my family.

Am I so stressed because my daughters phone has been switched off for two days or am I over-reacting because I'm nervy and a bit down..you get the picture.

How about doing nothing to address it, nothing at all. Don't TRY to do anything because all that trying gives it more attention than it deserves so it will decide to stick around and wind you up in other ways..it always does.

I know it's hard, I woke up this morning with the whole knots in the stomach thing going on but I have been here before and so have you.

I'm doing a few obvious things like eating my 5 a day and listening to some useful harmonies but that's it. I am damned if I am going to let this get the upper hand each time it strikes'

I have noticed it gets less powerful and doesn't last as long so I hope the same will happen for you.

Don't get too down, keep on doing your normal stuff (well done on all that) but say to yourself you are getting on with things regardless..you have more important things to do then worry about anxiety.

Now I shall see if I can take my own advice :D

Pm me if you need to x

[happycamper]

Thanks Ladybird,

You always give very good replies!

I take on board all that you've said. You sound tougher than you probably feel you are...?

I can accept anxiety and certain I'm in a much better position to deal with it than I was a year ago. Just got such high expectations to be able to live without ever succumbing to the horrendous full on anxiety/panic stuff I've had previously. I'm terrified in case it ever returns like that again, you know. I guess lots of people are...?

Really want to get off the citalopram, it's been nearly 9 months, but as long as these set backs occur I don't know what is best to do.... x

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey

Totally agree with the above comments. If we think about things then pf course we start to focus on them, so I try just not to think about anxiety in general where possible. This sounds impossible, but it gets easier to do as time goes on

I have been on CIT 8 months now and had an honest chat to my doc about it as I thought about starting to come off. The basic principle is though that they like you to "stabilise" on the tablets before coming off as this gives you time to put into practise any CBT or acceptance or therapy techniques you have learn't. It's important so that when you come off and you have a blip you know how to deal with it without crashing completely and thinking meds are the only way forward.

So I am staying on for a little bit more, have done the CBT and other techniques and putting them into practise. Have also started physiotherapy to get me back on track with my joint issues so I can start excercising again (have a gym induction on sunday!). Also quite the caffeiene and alcohol and 8 weeks ago gave up smoking. Now I never thought I could do any of that so in my opinion anxiety stands no chance against me and my will to live with it and live my life.

Your a great person who can tackle this!

[happycamper]

Cheers DB,

I asked today about when a good time to start coming off cit would be. I'm glad I did, as was told to not even think about it until the time came where I realised I'd gone weeks+ without the toxic anxiety that had put me on them in the first place. Also as I'm worried about how I'll be off citalopram, therefore I still need to be taking them. When I've the confidence that I WILL be fine without them, then that is the time to say ta ta cit.

So I'm looking at most of the rest of this year staying on the stuff apparently....

Also still awaiting results of a genetics test on a family member looking for HNPCC, which pre disposes carriers to bowel cancer etc. Another trigger of my anxiety. Ho hum!

[Bill]

Oh what a web we weave for ourselves.:winks:

What is another name for "Anxiety"?.....Excessive Worry.

Therefore, do you think you could go through life without finding something that will make you worry excessively?

Do you think meds can stop our minds worrying about something excessively?

Therefore, when would there be a time when you would Not "worry" about coping without meds?

This is what I mean about the web we weave.

When things get too much, I agree that meds can help us through these difficult spells but although they do help, they can also create additional problems.

As I mentioned in the beginning, anxiety means worry but also worry is created by Fear. Therefore, if we take meds long term one issue that can arise is the Worry and Fear of coping without meds. In this way, meds then have given us something more to Worry about.

Sometimes then if we stop taking the meds and anxiety comes back, we then think the meds were keeping us well when in fact it's the worry caused by stopping the meds Or other new worries that have surfaced in our daily lives that have actually caused the anxiety.

Sometimes I'm really not surprised that some people always feel the need to take meds because life is full of worries and to attempt to come of them just adds more worry and fear, and new worries are always surfacing.

However, before I'm moaned at, I Know meds help Alot of people and some people Really need them to feel well enough to cope. All I'm trying to highlight is the confusion meds "can" create without us realising because anxiety deceives us so well.

One other point about meds is that every day we take a pill, that pill is a reminder that we suffer from anxiety. This means we never allow our minds to "forget" about Worrying and anxiety feeds off attention. If we can learn to live life by treating worry and fear as natural as sneezing, we then give ourselves a chance of getting on with our lives without anxiety living our lives for us.

In answer to your question regarding "a good time to stop taking them", there is one word that comes to mind that you have later mentioned that is the Actual cure for anxiety....

CONFIDENCE

If we build self-confidence and self-belief and train our minds Not to worry excessively about issues that arise, then we Don't feel ill because we've then learnt how not to let these worries frighten us.

Personally, I was prescribed many meds and none had any lasting benefit but my anxiety remained at a constant high. The reason was I simply had too many pressures to deal with that then caused "excessive worry". Once I found ways to ease those pressures, I worried less and was able to regain control over my anxiety.

I'm not cured and I doubt I ever will be because it's part of my make-up to Worry. The trick I've found is learning how to stop my worries controlling me by learning Not to resist or control them. In other words, move on and not dwell on a worry by trying to ignore it.

General Worrying serves no purpose other than to make us "feel" so ill that we need meds so remember, every time you "feel" ill, it's nothing to do with the meds, it's just being caused by something that's playing on your mind, even if you're not aware of it.

It's a personal choice whether to take meds or not and there's no right or wrong way because I'm sure meds do benefit alot of people in the short or long term, and some people I know simply wouldn't be well enough without them. Just be aware how anxiety can interact with them and how easy it is for anxiety to weave a web in our minds so we can't see a way out.

And by the way, you're still waiting for results? I wonder why your tummy is playing up so much. Could it be the new cause of your excess worry creating your anxiety?:shrug::bighug1:

[happycamper]

Thanks Bill,

I absolutely hear what you're saying. However I'd like to think that I don't persistently dwell on worry and anxiety.

Clearly many people like myself are much more susceptible to this than others, but I have been putting a huge amount of effort into changing my maladaptive thinking over the last 9 months, believe me. I'm more than likely not getting all of it right and no doubt now I know I've had an anxiety problem for the last 4 years or so, a great deal more of my time is spent thinking about it, but also working out and learning methods to control it.

So I appreciate what you are saying, however I'm actively working towards being meds free and grateful for opinions from those who have been in the same situation as myself in determining when they consider a good time to wean off them. I've come so far with a lot of hard work and just don't want to balls up at the final hurdle.

Clare X

[Bill]

Hello Clare:hugs:

Just a couple of thoughts to try and help you....

a great deal more of my time is spent thinking about it, but also working out and learning methods to control it.

Anxiety feeds off attention so the more time we think about anxiety, the more we add fuel to it. Anxiety is natural. If you were confronted by a lion, you'd feel exactly the same anxious feelings because a lion would cause fear just as a worry in our daily lives does. If we keep looking at our lion, we'll keep feeling afraid so the best way to tackle the lion is to shut the door and try to ignore it because with the door closed it can't harm you.

Fear causes anxiety but then anxious feelings also cause fear in return and so the cycle keeps going round because we end up living in a state of fear. Fear leaves when we forget it and treat it as just a natural reaction to an episode that has frightened us. For instance, when we sneeze, do we keep thinking about it wondering why we've sneezed, what's caused it, how do we prevent it etc etc. If we can learn to treat anxiety like a sneeze, it doesn't trouble us. A sneeze will always return just as an anxious episode returns but if we just treat anxiety as a bad moment like a sneeze and learn not to dwell on it then it passes without it causing a daily problem.

Therefore, when it comes to deciding when is the right time to stop meds, it would be when the episode has passed but it doesn't mean another episode won't return but then if things become too much, a person can always go back to meds to help them through that bad episode if they feel they need to and so on.

The other point is about "learning ways to control it". There's nothing wrong in learning what works best for an individual to help prevent an anxious episode get out of hand but don't try to control it. If we try to control anxiety, we're trying to resist it and that can make the anxiety worse. Going back to sneezing, would we try to control it? We'd just experience it knowing it will always pass and so do anxious feelings if we don't try to control them. I know they make us feel ill but if we let them through us, the anxious feelings subside.

I really wouldn't worry about ballsing things up because it will only be a problem IF you keep worrying because the worry itself will make you anxious with or without meds. I'd just say when you feel able just go for it and have belief in yourself that you Will be ok...an you Will. IF a major worry come round at a later date, you can always take them again to help you through it but I reckon once you stop taking them and prove to yourself you will be ok, your confidence will build so that you will be better able to cope if another episode returns.

A little example..it was years ago I stopped taking meds but a year or so ago I went through a bad period and I felt I needed something to help me through it so I took meds again for a short period until I had come to terms with events. Meds can be used like that, as a little support for bad episodes but then the episodes need to be forgotten because then we feel stronger to move on.

Like all things, if you have drive, willpower and determination you can achieve Anything, and I believe you have those qualities needed so I can't see any reason why you won't be ok. Just try not to think too much about anxiety because then it also forgets you.

Hope that helps a little.:hugs:

[suzannacorfu]

Hi HC,
long time no speak!! Sorry to hear you're having a blip but I agree totally with Ladybird (as usual)!
I was on Cit for 12 months in 2009. I cam of it in January 2010 and felt no worse at all. So I have now been meds free for 13 months. I have been good and crap and good again and crap again but as LB says the crap bits are shorter and way less frightening. I have one rule: when I dip (it takes a while for me to realise I am dipping) I say "OK I give you 2 weeks Suz. If you're not feeling better in 2 weeks you're going back on Cit." I will never, ever let myself suffer like I did before taking Cit. Yes its a crutch, yes its not the answer, yes, yes, yes. But it DOES give valuable breathing space. I absolutely refuse to see my coming off meds as a "success" (ergo going back ON meds as a failure). It is NEITHER. My success lies in getting here with whatever means I have to hand.
I am very lucky to have as a best friend an Italian Professor of Psychiatry who tells all his patients that he will take them off Cit after 3 months "symptom-free".
I am sorry to harp on but seriously as long as we associate "I am on meds" as failure and "I am off meds" as success then we are gonna beat ourselves up needlessly. I was amazed at everyone on here telling me "Wow, well DONE" when I said I was off Cit!!!!!!! Well done??????
I would rather you all told me "well done" when I go on them (means I am taking care of myself and not letting myself suffer) and ALSO when I come off them!!!
Or perhaps you could all just tell me "Well Done" when I make one of you smile? Way more productive.

PS Hi to Dragonsblonde too xx

Suz (as controversial as usual)

[suzannacorfu]

Sorry a mistake: coming off Cit after SIX months symptom-free
Suz xx

[Bravedart]

Totally agree Suz, well said. :D

[suzannacorfu]

Thanks Bravedart ;)

[Bravedart]

No Probs, I'm also on Cit and really didnt want to be however got to the point I HAD to do something. They are working and I feel better for it. If you need them, take them. :winks:

[suzannacorfu]

Hey Bravedart I seriously look upon Cit as a great ally. As I would any medicine for any chronic or recurring ailment I had. I also have IBS for example which flares twice a year (yes from anxiety) and I dont hesitate to take medicine for that when it flares and believe me noone has EVER said "well done" to me for coming off antacids!!!!!!!!!!

Suz xx

[happycamper]

Thanks guys,

Bill, I do see what you're saying...the sneeze analogy is good, however anxiety 'flare ups' don't always just 'go' like that do they.

I understand you shouldn't think about the anxiety as you're giving it attention and fuelling it, but I'm a little confused about blocking it out, i.e, not thinking about it and facing up to it. Unless I've misread, your answer seems to include both these as ways of dealing with it which seem contradictory...?

I've been waiting on the genetic tests for nearly 2 years, so can't keep blaming that on my stomach problems. Speaking of which, I had awful gnawing pains all day yesterday and guess what else....bags of flippin' anxiety....:(


Hi yah Suz, thanks for your reply too. To be honest though, so few people know I'm on anti d's, so wouldn't get many pats of the back if I stopped!! The old taboo thing of being too ashamed to tell people...yes I know it's bad....

Clare X

[suzannacorfu]

Hey HC, what is "good" and what is "bad"??????? It's not other people's opinion of you being on or off Anti-d's that is important hun. It's YOUR opinion of you on or off anti-ds!!!
What is the difference of a Happycamper ON them and a Happycamper OFF them in YOUR opinion??????
Careful of the age-old trap of "yes diabetics can take insulin" but "anti-ds are an admission of failure etc".
Take the anti-ds out of the Happycamper equation hun.
xxxxx

[SW]

just reading all your post ladybird has inspired me that we should not let our anxiety win....good advice xx :yesyes::yesyes:

[Bill]

the sneeze analogy is good, however anxiety 'flare ups' don't always just 'go' like that do they.

They go when we let them. If you were confronted by a lion, you'd feel very anxious but once he walks away you'd begin to relax. These days, our lions only exist in our minds. What I'm trying to say is when we feel stressed or keep worrying about something, we're keeping the lion in our minds. Once we learn how to let worries go, we let our lions go and that's when we relax.

What may have happened in your case is that something has stressed you which has made you feel anxious which then causes your tummy pains. What happens then is we create a new lion (a new worry) about what could be causing the tummy pains. This then causes more stress and more anxiety, and this keeps the tummy pains going so you end up in a cycle of fear and anxious symptoms.

This cycle stops when you allow it by either accepting that the pains are just anxiety or by finding other things to occupy the mind to stop worrying about your pains. In effect, to forget your lions so they can walk away.

Try thinking of it like an athlete before a race. The athlete will be standing on the line feeling anxious and worrying about losing. The athletes tummy will be playing up but once the race starts, the mind focuses on winning and forgets about feeling anxious so that once the race is over, the anxiety has gone. The way we often treat anxiety is by standing on the line thinking about how we're feeling rather focusing on letting it go by concentrating on what we need to be doing rather than how we're feeling.

Attempting to block anxiety is like trying to build a barrier but when we do this we're giving anxiety attention which then tenses us up. An example would be such as the athlete...The athlete could be feeling very anxious and he could try blocking his anxious thoughts by saying to himself "I Mustn't think about how anxious I'm feeling", "I Mustn't think about how my tummy is feeling" "I Must stop feeling anxious". All these approaches are a reminder to himself that he is feeling anxious and that then keeps the feelings going because he's trying to block them because they frighten him. What he should be doing is concentrating his thoughts outwardly on what he needs to "Do" rather than inwardly on how he's feeling. Therefore, if he keeps his mind trained on his technique, what he needs to do to reach the finishing line and not what's going on inside him or around him, he's then training his mind by using tunnel vision. He only thinks about what's in front of him and not how he's feeling or what's going on around him. That way he allows his lion to walk away by forgetting it's there.

Facing fears I think can be a very confusing term because it makes it sound like for example an agoraphobic must step out the door to confront their fear to overcome it but this is only partly true. Yes, we have to face and confront fears but would you jump in the deep end of a swimming pool in the hope of overcoming a fear of water? Facing fears has to be done "gradually" and by learning the right techniques regarding how to keep calm otherwise it's like going into battle unarmed.

To face a fear can also mean learning how not to react to worrying thoughts. For example if a ghost appears, your body will tense up and you'll feel the need to run out of terror. In this way, your body is reacting to what the mind perceives as a danger. If though, we can lean to say "Boo" back to our fears, like a ghost, the fear will melt away because it's only power is in being able to frighten us. It has no bite and no substance. We just convince ourselves it does. Therefore, when we have a worry, the trick is to learn how to keep the body relaxed by saying things to ourselves like "so what" so that we don't tense up. Tension is often what causes tummy pains because it makes us hold our tummy muscles in without realising it. That's also where relaxation techniques can help because if we can learn how to keep relaxed, our bodies don't react to our ghosts (our frightening thoughts).

Sorry if that confuses things further. Sometimes it's not always easy to find the right words.:hugs:

[Magic]

Message for Bill, Hi Bill, You have mentioned confidence in one of you posts. That is what I lack, also I have this panic feeling as soon as I get up in the mornings.I cannot do one task or job at a time. it is like a mania I am like that at night too.it is a real problem and causes much friction in the household-by the end and I am continually exhausted. I have to do certain things every day because I think I might die at any time. I hope you don't think i'm a nutter so to speak.Just wondered what you views are.You seem to be very wise

[Bill]

Hello again Nellie:hugs:

No, of course I don't think you're a nutter!:lac: Far from it!:winks:

I've been reading this and your other posts to try and form a picture, and I have a few thoughts which could be right or wrong but see what you think.

You have mentioned confidence in one of you posts. That is what I lack,

A lack of self-confidence will always cause self-doubt which then causes us to question ourselves making us worry if we're right or wrong in our decisions. Also of course, worry will cause fear. Fear of getting things wrong, bad things happening, "what if's" etc. Basically fear then determines how we think so instead of looking at things with a positive outlook, we're always looking at the negative i.eit's a beautiful sunny day today but I bet the weather will change soon. I think fear can often make us pessimistic!

I have this panic feeling as soon as I get up in the mornings.

This I reckon is very common for all the above reasons. We don't wake looking forward to each day because we view each day with fear of all the things we "think" could go wrong. Every day means hassle. An effort to get through governed by our fear. When we live with fear, every day will make us feel anxious and panicky because of how fear controls how we think about everything so then we expect to feel the same each day making us anxious before we even get up. For instance, if one day you feel panicky, you then go to bed fearing tomorrow in case you feel panicky again so that when you wake next day you're already feeling afraid and that then induces the panicky feelings so then every day becomes the same filled with feeling panicky. Fear breeds fear and fear is all part of a lack of confidence. Another example is the football striker. He could be a top scorer of penalties until one day he misses. If he then makes the mistake of dwelling on that miss just as we dwell on worrying thoughts, his self-confidence will drop whilst at the same time his self-doubt increases so that the next time he goes to take a penalty, instead of thinking of scoring, he'll be thinking "what if" I miss again. This then makes him nervous and more likely to miss because his fear then gains control over him...until he re-builds his self-confidence by changing how he thinks before taking a penalty. The more he scores, the more his self-confidence builds just as with us, the more we learn how not to be afraid of panic, the more confident we become.

I cannot do one task or job at a time. it is like a mania

When we feel anxious all the time, we then have excess adrenalin which needs burning off because it stops us from being able to relax. Athletes will have nerves before races and their nerves produce more adrenalin to help them perform. Adrenalin is part of the fight or flight process. If you saw a lion you'd need the adrenalin to help you run...or to fight it! lol These days though we often suffer too much stress at work or at home and this stress will then create excess adrenalin just as if we were faced by a lion. The difference is though that we have no lion to fight or run from so it stays stored in our bodies making us feel anxious and unable to sit and relax. Adrenalin also causes the heart palpitations etc but in time adrenalin will subside unless we keep stressing ourselves with worries. Sometimes its not just stress at work or at home but also created by ourselves through our thoughts. Emotional stress is another form caused by bad experiences, hurt etc.

In your case I think a relaxation technique wuld help but you have to use it to train yourself how to unwind. One other thought on this regards your meds. If this started after you started taking, don't forget possible side-effects which often mimic anxious symptoms.

I have to do certain things every day because I think I might die at any time.

I had to many responsabilities, I could not let my family down.

The latter above I've copied from one of your other posts but the 2 issues you've mentioned I think relate.

Two words come to mind - Control and Responsibility.

I know you have alot to contend with and I think your fears may be based on our feelings of being responsible which would then make you feel everything must be done and in order. This then would make you feel overanxious making you feel everything has to be sorted yesterday.

However, I think also you may be feeling a need of being in control to keep things "safe". It can take the form of putting curtains straight, everything cleaned and tidy etc. It's often a symptom of the feeling of needing to be safe and secure. The trouble is that it causes anxiety because when things are out of control, you're pushed out of your secure feeling so you then feel vulnerable and your fears surface.

One last thought - if I remember correctly, from your other posts I think I read that you feel panicky when you meet people or are in places where you feel crowded? If so, this is normally a symptom of feeling "trapped". Again, if we're feeling stressed by whatever we're thinking or is going on in our lives, we'll be producing adrenalin causing that feeling of needing to escape so that when you feel trapped you'll then feel panicky because you feel you can't escape. It'll also make you feel you need to run home to feel safe and secure again.

I only know anxiety from my own experiences so they are just my thoughts. I can't promise I'm right about everything. All I hope is that something in there is of help to you.:hugs:

[Magic]

Dear Bill, Thank you for your letter.I wondered if you are or ever been a councellor . I have taken on board what you have said and I am going to try to relax more.and consentrate on not getting worked up so much.I know it is not good for my health, and I do not want anything to happen to me like a heart attack that I am thinking is looming. I am so needed at home you see.I have no one to talk properly how I feel, when I see my GP(once a year) I did say my piece last year and the response was to go on holiday. I WISH. I have a friend I go on day trips with in the summer,but we dont socialize in any other way. I have made friends with Ladybird on NMP as well,which is good.and you and a few more you included.
At the moment my poorly daughter is in hospital with her illness,so we are waiting to see what the outcome will be for her.Having visiting the hospital I have seen many people in worse circumstances than me.My husbands two sisters have been to see her in hospital.Never been to see her in her own home though.My relatives do'nt want to know.Its funny in away I used to have friends before my daughter became disabled,but not now. I don't let that bother me though.
THANK YOU BILL FOR LISTENING AND FOR YOUR WISE WORDS-YOU ARE VERY KIND

[happycamper]

Bill :hugs:,

Thank you so much for your time in replying. It does make sense, I love analogies and the athlete one is great!

One positive thing...Spring has arrived which always makes people feel better!

Clare X


http://www.1clipart.com/clipart/nature/flowers/62-859075615.gif

[Bill]

Hello Nellie and Clare:hugs:

Nellie, no, I've never been a counsellor or even tried to be because of my own issues. I just enjoy "trying" to help people because I care, that's all. Friendship, a smile and helping someone in some small way is reward enough for me. I just don't like it when kind caring people like yourself are suffering. I just wish I could do more to try and help.:hugs:

consentrate on not getting worked up so much.
I am so needed at home you see.

A couple of thoughts for you. Try to work on not being too intense. Also, try not to add extra pressure on yourself. Remember, you Are needed by those around you but they also love and care about you so they wouldn't want anything happening to you. As I have always been told myself, you can only look after others if you look after yourself...and my reply has always been "But who's going to look after me!?"...and that no doubt is what you're thinking. Well, there are carer support workers and also counsellors who will listen but the people I find who have been most use to me are people like yourself who show warmth rather than a professional who personally, I've always felt are cold as if they're just doing their job. However, I know counsellors have to stay detached as much for our benefit as well as theirs but that's one reason why I could never do their role. I could never keep detached when I feel you must to do their jobs.

Anyway, the more you remind yourself how much you're needed, the more pressure you're putting on yourself and that will then trigger your anxiety creating thoughts such as...I do not want anything to happen to me like a heart attack that I am thinking is looming.

It's natural to feel the way you are but you are only human and can only take on so much. Remember your limits for your own wellbeing.

Something people are always telling me, I need my own space. I haven't had a holiday for years because of what I feel are my own caring responsibilities but also I feel holidays can actually mean more stress I can do without. What helps me is to get away from the house doing my own things so what I'd suggest is think of taking up a hobby in a group such as an art class, exercise group, or just a friendship group. Look in your local hall, in the local paper or on noticeboards in the surgery etc to see what's around. If you can find something you're interested in that you can share with others, you'll have friends to talk to but also it'll be a chance to forget your responsibilities by just enjoying yourself say on a weekly basis. It's Very Important you allow yourself time outs to help you relax and re-charge your batteries otherwise you end up overloading yourself with tension and worries.

I used to have friends before my daughter became disabled,but not now.

I found the same. Isolation, no friends to talk to, no one I felt who understood, no one who knew what to say etc etc etc. I don't think people realise how much feeling isolated and alone can affect someone. I used to walk around the shops talking to shopowners just to find someone to talk to. When things really got too much I even used to talk to the samaritans just so I didn't feel alone. I had no one. I think in some way I can appreciate how you're feeling. I've always found the only one who can help me is "me" because I've never had the kind of support I feel I've needed. Anyway, enough about me.

I have no one to talk properly how I feel,

If you think I can help, you're most welcome to talk to me for as long as you wish to. I'll always do my best to help you.:hugs:

Clare:hugs:,

I'm glad you enjoyed my reply. As I've said to Nellie, if you think I can be of help, you're always most welcome to ask me if you would like to.:hugs:

[ladybird64]

You need to stop and back off. This has become a battle of wills that you are loosing fast..

What on earth are you talking about? :shrug::lac:

Anyway..just going to gatecrash your thread Clare :winks:..hello Bill, long time no speak. Good to see you back my friend. :hugs:

[Bill]

Ladybird:hugs:

I was thinking about you today because I don't think I give you enough credit for all that you are and for all you do for others both here and at home. Sorry. You're a Very Special ladybird full of beauty in so many ways.:hugs:

I know I go quiet at times, normally because my mood slumps for different reasons but when I feel I can't post, I do often come back to read.:hugs: