Agoraphobia - major setback

[sedalia]

I have had agoraphobia for about 18 months now. It's only been in the last 6 months that I have been pushing myself to go a bit further each week and just lately I was doing really well, I was managing the short walk into town and browsing in a few shops. On two very good days I even managed to get a bus to Tesco's (only 15 mins away). It was still uncomfortable for me but I was heeding the advice and staying in the situation until the horrible sensations peaked, and it seemed to work. I would walk back from town with a big smile on my face thinking at last I was on the road to recovery. But a couple of weeks ago after I had successfully been to a few shops, I was on my way back home feeling fine, and stopped off in one final shop when all of a sudden in the queue my legs started trembling and I had that awful lightheadedness back again. I felt so bad I didn't think I'd make it back home. That's never happened to me on a return journey before, and it's really knocked me for six. Now my confidence has gone again and now I can't get into town again. I have been crying with frustration, is this how it's always going to be? I know everyone tells me "you've done it before so you can do it again", but it's so hard to keep your spirits up when you have a major setback like this. I just keep questioning, does everyone ever really get cured of agoraphobia or is the potential always there to knock you back down when you're seemingly doing so well. I know I mustn't give in but right now I just think, what was the point of all that effort, mentally wearing myself out day after day to reach that stage, just to end up back at square one again? Sorry if I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself but it is so maddening when this happens.

[Towers]

Hi sedalia,

Have you read the Claire Weekes book on "Agoraphobia" - I always found this book of hers to be the best one.

[harasgenster]

Hi
If it makes you feel any better I'm cured of agoraphobia :) I haven't had a panic attack in about two years (over anything) and go outside/on buses/in crowds/on trains - all over the place!

Stick with it. It's horrible to get a setback like this but I bet when you start going out again you'll find it is easier than the first time you tried. You're still on the road to recovery, nobody gets there without a few hitches along the way :)

[sedalia]

Hello Towers and Harasgenster, thank you for your replies. Yes I've read Claire Weekes, her books are excellent and it was those that really pushed me to start going further each day. That's good to know that you've recovered, Harasgenster, well done. It gives me the drive to keep going. It's so frustrating, it seems like 1 step forward and 3 steps back but I guess as long as I keep making the 1 step forward, it's progress. Thanks again.

[bomberbeamish]

im the same,, ive been like it bout 4 years now,, have small sucesses and once i got there i was fine and knew id be fine to get home, then all of a sudden i started to worry not bout getting there but about getting home, what if i couldnt get home, i can only go in car cant do buses ect, so that was set back for me, last week i got out every day just 1/2 mile in car to local shop, but this week im finding it hard. i do wonder how people get over this and sometimes just think ,, this is me for rest of my life, ive read the books had cbt, hypno, counsiling, but im just scared. i say to people why do i want to put my sef in a situation like that , its horrid i think i die,, and i know i havnt yet but i dont want them feelings.
good luck keep us posted. x

[sedalia]

Thank you Bomberbeamish, I'm sorry that you're going through this too. Today I am at the end of my tether. Each day is getting worse. Two weeks ago I was going into town, now I can barely make it around the block. I just feel like saying "To hell with it, I'm giving up". What's the point in all this effort just for things to be even worse.

[shoegal]

I know exactly how you feel. I've had agoraphobia for years on and off but it never seems to completely go away nomatter what I do. The one thing I have always been able to do is take my dog for a walk... until 5 weeks ago when I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life in the middle of the park. Since then I've been getting panic attacks whenever I take my dog for a walk and my anxiety has hit the roof. I'm so fed up with fighting this thing every single day without any relief. It is unrelenting, and I'm sick of it. I know this doesn't help, but you're not alone in your plight. I think we just have to find a way of accepting this thing and living with it.

[mtatum4496]

Sedalia, I get where you are coming from. In my own ongoing struggle with agoraphobia, I've found that even in the midst of having successes that encourage me to keep going, there will be an incident that leaves me wondering what happened to all that progress. Sometimes it really is a one step forward two steps back kinda day, then other times it is the other way around.

There are days when I can go somewhere with little to no thought, then other days when even a quick run around the corner will trigger an attack. I've learned to accept the fact that while those episode are discouraging I will not grant them the power to offset all those times when I was able to float through an attack and go shopping/eat out/go to a play/movie, etc.

Don't give up. I know that's hard to do when you are mentally and physically exhausted after an attack, but we must persevere. One thing I do is after I've had one of those attacks, I go to a place outside the home where I've had great success and stay for awhile - maybe like a park. Being out is good for my morale, I am still doing something to help desensitize my nerves, and the fresh air helps me regain some perspective.

Hang in there, things will get better.