Hello I'm another newbie

[Bagrat]

Hi everyone. I am 66 and a Granny!! Have always been an anxious person. When I was working I was too busy ( I was a nurse) to suffer from anxiety. I saved it up for when I retired. My husband had heart probs 6 years ago ( I was lucky retired at 60) and I came out in sympathy with chest pain etc etc. All OK as I had a good GP who checked me out. Since then I've had bouts of anxiety/panic attacks resulting in a variety of physical symptoms. I have managed to get some sort of control over them, with the help of some good books and understanding friends. But my body seems to dream up new ones when I get on top of the familiar ones!! I have now had two episodes of Atrial Fibrillation and must say that for me it was not half as scary as when I had ( have?) panic attacks. I have read of people on here who are frightened of the thought of Afib. Please try not to be freaked by it. It's controllable.

[diane07]

Hi Bagrat

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:
Paige x

[paula lynne]

Hi there, good to have you on the forum. I was a neurosurgical nurse before anx and agoraphobia took my career away, there are a few carers/nurses here....you arent alone. Its good to have you with us, welcome.:welcome:

[Bagrat]

Thank you for your welcome. There's something about being a Health Care Professional that makes people think you should be able to cope. What has helped me a lot is telling quite a few peopole about my anxiety - I've found there are a lot of us about. I don't like to worry the family unless it's obvious - then I have no choice!!:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:This emoticon so reminds me of ME!!

[JUSTICE4THE96]

My story is a long and complex one. Basically, I have suffered, and believe me, suffered is the right word, from PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for 22 years now. I was involved, squarely, intensely, at the forefront, of one of the most famous, if that's the right word, disasters ever to befall this country, and certainly one of the most horrific. I am of course talking about the Hillsborough Disaster, when 96 men, women and children lost their lives at the FA Cup semi-final between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest, at Hillsborough, Sheffield, due to glaring police failures and lack of care. But that is not the whole story. Hillsborough was one of the most controversial cases in the history of this country. What other disaster has there been when the dead and the injured were blamed by those in authority, by sections of the media, by some writers, and by prejudiced, ill-informed members of the public? In what other disaster have those that died be treated in such a crass, insensitive way with blood-alcohol tests performed on them? In what other disaster has the bereaved relatives been treated with no common decency, respect and the denial of basic human rights? In what other disaster has there been such a massive cover up, where those at fault have got away with it, and where there has been the biggest single miscarriage of justice in the history of the British legal system?

You are probably thinking that I am a very bitter and angry individual. You would be right. I am bitter and angry that everything has been swept under the carpet, that the relatives and survivors have been treated like criminals, that lie after lie, fabrication after fabrication, and cover up after cover up has gone unpunished. That witnesses were coerced and bulled into changing statements, that evidence was surpressed, that witnesses were not called, that the inquests were a sham and that those that died were put on trial and that the coroner showed blatant bias towards the police and those in authority. You are damed right I'm bitter and angry.

I was in pen 3 in Leppings Lane that fateful, sunny April afternoon. I saw many die in front of me and beside me that day, I felt bodies beneath my feet. I saw countless bodies on the pitch. I was crushed myself, suffering rib, chest and back injuries. Of course, the worst thing to befall me was the onset of PTSD, something which I have had to battle for 22 years now - the nightmares, the flashbacks, the panic attacks, the low self esteem, the deep anxiety, the paranoia. A darkness that you cannot escape from. Truly horrible. For years, I tried to push it all away, bottle it up, struggle in self denial. But now, I talk to fellow survivors and bereaved relatives, I work for one of the support groups, and I have finally written a manuscript about Hillsborough and my life since.

This is my story...

JFT96 YNWA

Chris

A Survivor of pen 3 Leppings Lane
The Hillsborough Disaster, Sheffield
15th of April 1989

[Bagrat]

Chris - I was so moved by your life experience. I do hope you found the strength to seek professional help for yourself as well as reaching out to help others. I know it isn't easy to find appropriate support. I can't possibly imagine what it must have felt like both at the time and since. Anger is such a powerful emotion it plays havoc with us all - not that I have any experience of the severe trauma you must have suffered. I hope you will find lots of support here and the chance to describe your feelings in a safe place.

[JUSTICE4THE96]

BAGRAT

Many thanks for those kinds words of support. It means that I will truly NEVER WALK ALONE.

Thank you.:)

[JaneC]

Hi Chris, I'm a big football fan and find that whole "go to a game and never come home thing" deeply affecting just as a bystander, so it's impossible to imagine the effect of living through it - Hillsborough, Heysel, Bradford, Ibrox, all of them.

I understand why Hillsborough was different though. I am truly sorry you have had this in your life. I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard about it. I've had a lot of life since then and for you to have been in such pain all that time doesn't bear thinking about. I can only (inadequately) wish you well in somehow coming to terms with it all as far as is possible. YNWA? Absolutely x

[JaneC]

Sorry Bagrat, a big :welcome: to you too xx

[JUSTICE4THE96]

Jane


Thanks to you too for your words of support. It means a lot.

Thank you YNWA