Going though a 'mad patch' again...

[PoppyC]

I was doing well, or so I thought, but I am going through a mad patch. I am sure if I went to the gps and explained how I felt, I would be sectioned. The thought of being sectioned does scare me. My partner says there is no need for me to do that and that he will care for me. I saw a nurse yesterday and she was so lovely and caring.
I am just so all over the place emotionallyand I am taking a lot now of anti depressant.
I have just started a blog to help me get everythng out, and when I read back, its sooo depressing!!!
I dont want to win the lottery or anything like that, I would simply love just to become like I once was again and stay like that - no more anxiety no more agoraphobia no more up and down moods no more tears....:weep:


http://charlotteca2011.blogspot.com/

[sammi]

Sorry you feel so rubbish at the minute Poppy, I don't really have any advice but wanted to send you hugs. :hugs:

[suzy-sue]

You wont be sectioned Poppy ..You have to be a real danger to yourself or others for that .You just probably having a low period .Winter isnt a good time .Maybe the medication is too strong ?and/ or you could do with a mood stabiliser to take alongside the citalopram .Go and have a word with your DR hun .You had a pretty upsetting time with one thing and another .It takes time to get over things when there has been a lot of upset .Im sure this feeling will go and you will get back to yourself eventually .Wheres there a will theres a way ..Sending you a big hug and I hope you feel better soon .luv Sue x:hugs:

[jillyb]

Hi Poppy, I have just read your blog and the thing that really came out of it for me was that you do beat yourself up a lot!!!! My cbt therapist has been helping me to stop beating myself up about suffering from anxiety because it just makes it worse. He keeps reminding me that it's 'not my fault' and that I have had years of 'training'. I have to practise speaking to myself as I would to someone else that was anxious ie kindly!!!! Your idea of a relaxation room seems a really good idea - I have started yoga to try and help me to relax. I didn't find your blog depressing - and you do have some better times. Just try to be kind to yourself and praise yourself for any achievements, however small. Take care x

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Poppy I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. You will come through it somehow with a tiny little morsel of strength you will be able to feel better. If posting on here helps you get through it then please keep posting. There wasn't an NMP when I was really going through it. I've read a bit of your blog too and it doesn't strike me to be the writings of a mad woman. Definitely see the docs even if it is only to tell them how you are feeling. Keep talking as I definitely understand the language and know where you are coming from. EJ.

[blueangel]

I am guilty of beating myself up as well - I set myself impossibly high standards then get annoyed/frustrated/upset when I don't meet them. As someone else has already said, you only get sectioned if you're thought to be a severe danger to yourself or other people, and don't forget, that if you think you're mad, you're not (if you've still got insight, you're sane!)

[PoppyC]

Thank you all for your replies Sue, Sammi, Elizabeth, Jilly and Blue Angel
I hope you are all having a good day today.
I feel a bit more optimistic again today. My moods have been so up and down, and that is what I don't like, and I always end up thinking, if this gets worse, then where does it end and then maybe I am going to become mad and get sectioned.
I have such random thoughts constantly, even when I am busy and some of the things I come out with are laughable. My dreams are horrific like something out of a gory horror film.
I saw the nurse for a smear again the other day, and she was asking if I had children, and I said "errr..No....yes...I had one years ago...I can't remember when'!!!!....She just looked at me and then went onto something else. I come out with such weird things. I dont know why.
Why did I say that??? My son is 23! I know exactly when he was born.
Sue - You mentioned mood stabiliser...maybe that would be a good idea. I will ask my gp about it, next time I go to see him. Is it ok then to take them with Citalopram?
Jilly - I don't see it if I do beat myself up, but maybe I do, without realising it. I asked my partner and he says that I do. I just suppose I want to do all the things I can't - not without lots of anxiety involved anyway. I wish that I had not got to where I am now, and wish that I had a really good career and all the rest. I just feel like a failure, sometimes with how I have become. I keep imagining how people from the past who knew me then, would laugh and be shocked at how I am now.
I know there are people out there with a thousand times more reasons to be unhappy than me and I feel guilty for being such a whiny miserable thing.
Hugs to you all for replying :hugs:

http://charlotteca2011.blogspot.com/

[JaneC]

Poppy - stop that "whiny miserable" nonsense right now! I think that can definitely be classed as beating yourself up. If you don't feel well, you don't feel well and it drags you down no matter the cause. Purely based on what I've read on here, Sue's mood stabiliser suggestion does sound worth asking the doc about.

I;m glad you feel a little better today but being up and down is no fun. Take care and see your doc xxx

[Hazel B]

Thinking of you.

You won't be sectioned, you have to be deemed to be a danger to yourself or other people for that.

Take care.:hugs:

[Bill]

Poppy:hugs:

I don't want to cause you more worry but sometimes I've found meds have caused me side-effects that mimic anxiety symptoms so when I thought I was really ill, it was actually the meds making me feel that way.

For instance, I'm still convinced, although I have no proof, that diazepam caused alot of my anxiety symptoms.

I've just been looking up the side-effects that you "can" get with citalopram. These include...

Confusion
Agitation
Restlessness
Anxiety
Panic attacks
Mood swings
Difficulty sleeping
Palpitations
Shakiness

I'm NOT saying the meds are causing your problems but just "sometimes" meds can make existing problems worse or create new ones but it doesn't always happen and it may not be in your case.

It's just something I thought you should be aware of just in case there is a connection because your symptoms do appear to be very similar.

What I'd suggest is ask yourself if there are any symptoms that have surfaced or got worse After you started taking them and if so, talk to your gp to see if they think another med would be better suited to you. If the symptoms have always remained the same then ignore this!

I think though that regardless of meds, your agoraphobia will still be present but that it certainly can be treated with the right help so never give up on hope.

You will Not be sectioned because you're in no way as ill as you feel you are although I can understand how despairing your anxiety must be making you feel.:hugs: