i just have to say how bizzare this illness is!

[Lizziesaurus]

Yesterday I felt depressed, hopeless, dreading my birthday tomorrow, didn't want to do anything, only wanted to comfort eat junk food and I didn't need to sleep but went to bed (with a nytol) because I knew I needed some sleep..

Then, this morning BOOM, my mood's shot up, I'm dancing around, singing, talking to myself and the cat and ten times to the dozen, I'm all up for getting out today and going shopping (or recklessly spending money) I'm now looking forward to my birthday tomorrow and going out on Friday.

It's completely mad that the brain can go between such extremes in such a short space of time :madness:
It's been a long time since I felt the full effects, but now I'm not on any medication it's back to being completely unpredictable.

[maks]

Hi Lizziesaurus,

Being quite new to suffering from anxiety myself and feeling nothing but 'down' recently - I read your post but couldn't really identify with what you were saying - then in re-read it and took in the part about the sleep you had last night before you were feeling better today - for me, my biggest issue at the moment is lack of sleep and how it escalates the anxiety feelings. If I do sleep well, even for a few hours, the next day is so much more positive. It amazes me too the extremes of emotion you can go through in such a short space of time.....

I hope things continue to 'BOOM' for you and that you have a great birthday!

Take care,

Maks

btw - I love your signature - my plans exactly once I find my feet again!

[Lizziesaurus]

Yes, the anxiety is gone today! However it's bipolar (at the milder end) that I suffer from, hence the extreme up and downs.
But whatever illness it is be it anxiety, bipolar, depression everything it almost makes me want to find out more about how these things work!

I hope everything works out for you soon :hugs:

[Asha1979]

Hi I just read your post there and it sounds very like what Im going through at the moment. Last week in the earlier part I was in flying form, loads of energy etc but for the past 5 days I am extremely irritable, agitated, anxious, feel like jumping out of my skin and like Im walking around in a haze. Does this sound like bipolar? I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 3 years ago and have been on 20mg citalopram since.

[harasgenster]

Hi I just read your post there and it sounds very like what Im going through at the moment. Last week in the earlier part I was in flying form, loads of energy etc but for the past 5 days I am extremely irritable, agitated, anxious, feel like jumping out of my skin and like Im walking around in a haze. Does this sound like bipolar? I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 3 years ago and have been on 20mg citalopram since.

Hi
Extreme ups and downs can be present in anxiety and depression as well as bipolar disorder, in my experience. If you get an assessment for bipolar they concentrate on thing like taking risks - i.e. do you spend money recklessly when feeling happy, do you become more promiscuous, do you find it difficult to see consequences etc.

I'm diagnosed bipolar but I disagree with the diagnosis (I know that's not really the way to react, but there you go). I find that I take more risks when I am depressed, not when I am happy. I don't take risks when I'm happy. I think a lot of people with anxiety and depression are the same as me. Bipolar people "act out of character" for periods of time. The best way to put your mind to rest about bipolar, or decide if you want to talk about it with your doctor: Ask your friends and family. Do they notice distinct periods in which you are either elated or extremely depressed and large differences in personality. If they do, you may want to speak to a doctor about it. Ups and downs in which you don't behave erratically when happy are probably just anxiety and depression, though.

This is a REALLY simplistic way to look at it. I'm not a doctor, I've just done a lot of research following my diagnosis because it didn't sound right to me. What I've just said is regurgitating Googled information in very layman's terms so don't take my word for it. Hope it gives you a steer, though. :)

PS: Saying that, I've found mood stabilisers very helpful and I know they give these to people with depression and anxiety sometimes too. They were going to give them to me when I was bulimic due to the cyclical nature of the illness. I don't have a clue whether they prescribe mood stabilisers for anything cyclical as I've only made this association due to my experiences, but if your moods cycle and you find this a problem, tell your doctor. They may want to check you for bipolar but even if you do not have it, it might help them decide what course of action is best suited to you.

Take care

[Asha1979]

Hi thanks so much for your reply. I don't have periods where I overspend or act reckless. I do make decisions I regret like change of hair colour but everyone does that to a certain degree. At the moment I feel nauseous at the thoughts of going down this road again. I have been doing so well the past while back. I had a baby 8 months ago and didn't get pnd. Maybe due to the fact that I'm on citalopram I'm not sure. I know this feeling of 'blah' all too well. Anxiety coupled with irritability is awful. I have had many blips in the 3 years I've been medicated but none as irritable as I am at the moment. Just want to curl up and wake up back to normal. Can't wait for the night time. I actually prefer the night for some reason, probably cos I don't have to face people when I feel this way. I went to my doc 2 weeks ago for a review and she put me down to 10mg citalopram so halved my dose but I didn't go down yet. And now as I speak, I definately think going lower in my dose is a mistake.

[Lizziesaurus]

I want to just make you aware I am not currently diagnosed with anything. My doctor and I came to the bipolar conclusion through me telling him what I'm like and the fact he recognised it because he used to be a psychiatrist.
It's by no means full blown bipolar but it's on the scale somewhere. It's got to the point now that I'm not bothered with what I get officially diagnosed with, I just want the right medication/therapies to help me live a normal life.

A little about me though, maybe you can see some of yourself in it, it might help who knows.
I've had these mood swings since I was a young teenager, it mainly came into full force when I was around 14/15 and I started having periods of what I now know to be depression, I also started self harming. I never went to get help because the depression always lifted, it also never caused me to stop living my life, it was just abit more difficult, especially when I was alone. I don't know what caused me to first cut myself, at the time I'd fallen out with alot of friends and I hated school and it just came to me like it was something I'd always done. From then on it was my way of dealing with that gut renching depression, where you cry and scream but it won't go away. Because I hurt myself on the outside it distracted me and therfore stopped the pain on the inside. It was very secrative and I would come up with excuses from the cat scratched me to I walked past a bush with thorns. I think that secretivity has stuck with me as in when someone asks me 'are you ok' I lie because I'm very independant and I don't want people to fight my battles for me.
In the same way I remember my mood going up, I started listening to music I normally wouldn't, I changed my hair and generally changed my entire style. I felt like the best, that everyone loved me and that I could be anything or anyone I wanted to me. Looking back I now see this for what it was rather than just a good mood.

It's progressed alot since then. The high moods are alot higher and the lows are alot lower. I don't self harm anymore, I stop myself now when I get tempted, I probably last did it over a year ago, the downside is I now don't have a way to cope anymore.
The depression now thought affects the way I function, compared to back then I now live alone so day to day chores etc can be difficult, and don't even get me started on work!
The high moods don't come around that often, but when they do you know it, my speech is fast, I spend money on things I don't need, we're not talking fast cars and speedboats I'm talking things like jewellry, clothes etc I can walk into a shop, buy aload of stuff, walk out and I'll have no idea what I've got. I also get this sense of I can do anything and that I am the best. Everyone will want to talk to me and I'll want to talk to everyone. The exact opposite of what I could be like a week before. I can also feel really jittery and that I just need to get up and go.

I hope this might help, it was through sheer persistance I started to get help. Citalopram and sertraline didn't do me any good (I wasn't put on anything stronger straight away because I'm not a serious case as I say) but now I'm being reffered so I may be put on something stronger but who knows. I at first thought it was the pill, I changed twice and when I got yasmin the nurse got me an appointment with a doctor. It'd been missed before and I was told just to find something I can look forward to. Luckily through sheer chance I got to see my current doctor who obviously has experience in psychiatry and spotted that there is a problem. I now see him one a month and he's determined to get me the right treatment. I know it'll be a long road but I'm just glad that maybe sooner rather than later I can start living my life rather than just plodding through it. I'm 21 now and I do feel it's robbed me of the best years, but at the same time I wouldn't change it for the world.

[Greenman50]

Hi Lizz

Great post about yourself :yesyes:

Being an old git (45) ...at 21 you have loads of great times ahead , you will get better , my early twentys were not the best as was not my teens but i,ve only just relised this in a way as i can relate to some of your post.

Its strange at my age only recently haveing anxiety / depression for 4-5 months (on meds) ....actually looking back at my life after reading some of the younger members posts i controlled a lot of things with alcohol , avoidence of situations / functions etc ..
I had high blood pressure at 16 and was on meds for 5 years , it went eventually and the doctor mentioned stress and worry but i couldn,t relate to it at the time . I remember not being able to sleep in my early twenties without a stiff whiskey . I had stomach issues 20 years ago now i think about it like i have now but they were short lived ..just a few weeks . Also head aches for months . I,m beginning to think i,ve always been anxiuos but it never affected my life as in i didn,t know i was .
Just remembered about worrying about school reports and not sleeping and worrying about what people thought about me .
All this has just dawned on me .

Must go to bed i,m thinking to much !



Take care get the help you need and beat this sucker !:yesyes::yesyes:

[Lizziesaurus]

Yes the alcohol I can relate to as well. Weirdly since trying ADs I don't really want a drink anymore but more times than not if something stressed me out or upset me I would have alot to drink.
I think alot at night too! I have to go back to work on Thursday so I'm not helping my body clock either. My doctor's never said much aout the anxiety with me but I definitely have it to some degree. It's always worse at night, I worry someones going to break in or someones already in and going to harm me. General other things, health anxieties awful, that was the one good thing about being on ADs, they stopped that so I'll definitely be mentioning it to whoever I see so they might be able to get me something for that as well.
Ahh dear, it's such a pain :doh: