would really apreciate help today

[LisaLisa]

Hi everyone

I havent been posting for awhile much now bcause i ws feeling much better. Lots to do with not googling much. But I was off work ill at the start of the week and started to really focus on health worries again.

I have all these things going on which sometimes I am aware of more than other times but before i constatnyl tried to find the answer on google and I had to stop it becuase it was ruining my life. The reason was that I am unable to accept that I dont have HIV. I have been tested five times since my fear started and they have all been negative. The period of my life that I could say I may have been at any risk of catching it was the beginiing of 2002....( boyfriend who was sleeping around and a peircing in someones house) and my fear dodnt start until I got very stressed about some stuff in 2007. My tests were between 2007 and 2009.

Well the symptoms I have keep linking up to hiv infection on the net.

For example I seem to have lots of symptoms of low thyroid function ( although was tested and found to be normal through out pregnancy in 2008/09 becuase midwife read in my notes that I had had a cyst on my thyroid in 2003 )

So I looked up low thyroid and thought maybe that wasnt the end of the world. I thought that for ages and then yesterday I stupidly searched ion it again and found this absolutely horrible site called FP Notebook, which seems to be for clinicians and straightaway I saw - secondary hypothyroid causes HIV INFECTION!

I felt so sick. I did really well getting the overwhelming fear down , but it was so hard. But now today Im so depressed. I just feel I cant do this anymore. Im so worried for my daughters well being incase the tests are wrong...she is only two and when she was born there was blood in the waters when they broke and Im sure that would mean that she wouldhave it definately!

Can anyone help me with this and also can i ask if folks could read my symptoms and see if you have any of them?

sometimes constipated/ sometime the opposite
flushing/sweating at certain stages of the month
darker skin patches tops of inner thigh
dark black hair on legs/ major stretching out of bikini line
problems with unrefreshing sleep
gastric reflux
very soft and ridged nails
occasionallly bad dandruff along hairline - comes and goes
low blood suger at certain times of the month - very pronounced
cold hands and feet often
dryness of skin on feet and tips of index finger thumb and finger next to it.

aaaaaahhhhhhh the list is so long

Im so scared , would really like someone to take a look at my list for me

Thanks so much

Lisa
xxxxxx

[JaneC]

Hi Lisa, you had tests, not test, so I'm sure they couldn't all be wrong. I can identify with at least half your list but I really can't see anything that sounds sinister. Hope you can get back to work soon and put this out of your mind again - and no googling! :hugs:

[debs180]

i have/had all the symptoms on ur list.......especially the flushing/sweating, dandruff and cold hands and feet.....mines always been put down to anxiety....but saying that i know what its like to be worried of an illness and associate all ur sypmtoms to that illness...so u r not alone with ur fears.
Hope u can start practising ur positive thinking again and stay off of google.....hope u feel better soon.

Debs xxx

[blueangel]

JaneC has said the important words here - you've had a number of tests for this and they've all been clear. Even though there is a tiny chance (much less than 1%) of one test not picking it up, the chance of five tests not picking it up are infinitessimal - you have far more chance of being struck by lightning or attacked by a shark, to be honest.

I think the problem here is that you're still worried/angry about what happened in 2002 - you were wounded by the knowledge that your then boyfriend was sleeping around, and you may also feel a bit guilty about having a piercing done somewhere that wasn't a "safe" place (i.e. not in a proper shop). You can't undo this stuff, so you need to find ways of letting go of it, as these thoughts are the triggers for your anxiety.

If it's any help, I think I've had or got every symptom on your list, and I've got anxiety and IBS.

Make a deal with yourself that you're not going to google!!

[LisaLisa]

Jane, Blueangel and Debbs thanks so much for your replies. You are all so right about the googling. Im gratefull for you guys telling me , cos sometimes i just cant break the cycle until someone tells me too....stupid I know . But it feels like I sometimes let myself get so cought up in i that I loose the rational point in it completely and having you guys look at this unbiased has really put me back on track again.

Please please let me know if you ever need any help back!

Thanks again

Lisa
xxxx:hugs: