tn13
24-02-11, 02:05
Hello everyone, I thought I'd post here because reading this forum in the past few weeks has made me feel not so alone. I'll try to make my story as quick as possible...
I'm 19 and in university and I've just started experiencing panic and anxiety disorder (though it's been building and waiting to come out for a long time, I think) at the beginning of February. One night I accidentally broke my new mobile phone and got in a fight with my dad. The next morning I woke up with a sore left arm all the way down - I figure I pinched a nerve in it sleeping because when i would take a shower it would stop aching. But this started my panic off - I started fearing that I was having a heart attack and starting panicking at work (a stressful shop job that I hated and have since gone on leave from). In the weeks since I have gone through the gamut of anxiety symptoms - chest tightness, shortness of breath, numb face, tingly and heavy head, feeling like I can't swallow properly, fatigue, derealization (which is SCARY!)... and coming with that, being convinced that I'm going to die on the spot or in my sleep or that I'm going to have a heart attack, stroke, brain aneurysm, Thankfully I live at home and commute to school so my parents have been here for me, I don't know what I'd do if I lived alone. Night time is a lot worse, it always seems to be around 6 pm that I really start freaking out.
Right now my biggest fear is stroke. I've been feeling like I can't talk properly (even though I know I have been) - I can't really describe it, when I'm sitting there silent I feel like I won't be able to get all the words out properly when I do start speaking. With the numbness around my mouth (which my GP put down to hyperventilation as soon as I mentioned it) I've become obsessed with checking my smile to make sure that it's even and that my face isn't drooping and holding out my arms to make sure they're even. This started with the cold tingling in my head (which isn't even a stroke symptom) and the face stuff and it's driving me crazy. My parents tell me every time I ask that my face doesn't look any different and my speech is fine but I still get so scared. I hit my head pretty hard once last summer and I'm scared something's going to happen from that. The derealization also gives me the feeling that I'm out of it and that I'm going to die at any time.
I've seen my doctor and I'm going back tomorrow. He's also qualified as a therapist so I'm going to be talking to him. My parents have both suffered from depression and I know he's helped them a lot so I'm hopeful that he'll help me. He's prescribed me 0.5 mg Ativan to take only when I need it, I've taken it twice in the past week and it did help. He did blood tests, listened to my heart and took my blood pressure and everything was better than normal - perfect cholesterol, blood sugar and everything. That's a relief to me but it doesn't take away my stroke fears.
I think I know where all this fear of death comes from. When I was in high school, 7 people from my class died between the time I was in Grade 9 and Grade 12. Most of them were suicides but one of them, a friend of mine, died of a freak infection that took him within days. He didn't get to the hospital on time. I know I have unresolved issues from that and I'm tearing up thinking of it right now. I also had eye surgery as an infant, I was bullied badly in elementary school and I've always been a bit more advanced and nervous than everyone else my age - my mum brought up one time when I was 6 and a police officer visited my class and I got upset when she showed the class her gun. I figure I've had anxiety issues for a long time but they've just come out with a vengeance now.
I'm sick of feeling like this and being terrified all the time. I hate lying there before I go to sleep and thinking I'm not going to wake up. I have always been a very independent and optimistic person and I want to go back to the way I was before. If anyone has any words of advice for me I'd really appreciate it!
I'm 19 and in university and I've just started experiencing panic and anxiety disorder (though it's been building and waiting to come out for a long time, I think) at the beginning of February. One night I accidentally broke my new mobile phone and got in a fight with my dad. The next morning I woke up with a sore left arm all the way down - I figure I pinched a nerve in it sleeping because when i would take a shower it would stop aching. But this started my panic off - I started fearing that I was having a heart attack and starting panicking at work (a stressful shop job that I hated and have since gone on leave from). In the weeks since I have gone through the gamut of anxiety symptoms - chest tightness, shortness of breath, numb face, tingly and heavy head, feeling like I can't swallow properly, fatigue, derealization (which is SCARY!)... and coming with that, being convinced that I'm going to die on the spot or in my sleep or that I'm going to have a heart attack, stroke, brain aneurysm, Thankfully I live at home and commute to school so my parents have been here for me, I don't know what I'd do if I lived alone. Night time is a lot worse, it always seems to be around 6 pm that I really start freaking out.
Right now my biggest fear is stroke. I've been feeling like I can't talk properly (even though I know I have been) - I can't really describe it, when I'm sitting there silent I feel like I won't be able to get all the words out properly when I do start speaking. With the numbness around my mouth (which my GP put down to hyperventilation as soon as I mentioned it) I've become obsessed with checking my smile to make sure that it's even and that my face isn't drooping and holding out my arms to make sure they're even. This started with the cold tingling in my head (which isn't even a stroke symptom) and the face stuff and it's driving me crazy. My parents tell me every time I ask that my face doesn't look any different and my speech is fine but I still get so scared. I hit my head pretty hard once last summer and I'm scared something's going to happen from that. The derealization also gives me the feeling that I'm out of it and that I'm going to die at any time.
I've seen my doctor and I'm going back tomorrow. He's also qualified as a therapist so I'm going to be talking to him. My parents have both suffered from depression and I know he's helped them a lot so I'm hopeful that he'll help me. He's prescribed me 0.5 mg Ativan to take only when I need it, I've taken it twice in the past week and it did help. He did blood tests, listened to my heart and took my blood pressure and everything was better than normal - perfect cholesterol, blood sugar and everything. That's a relief to me but it doesn't take away my stroke fears.
I think I know where all this fear of death comes from. When I was in high school, 7 people from my class died between the time I was in Grade 9 and Grade 12. Most of them were suicides but one of them, a friend of mine, died of a freak infection that took him within days. He didn't get to the hospital on time. I know I have unresolved issues from that and I'm tearing up thinking of it right now. I also had eye surgery as an infant, I was bullied badly in elementary school and I've always been a bit more advanced and nervous than everyone else my age - my mum brought up one time when I was 6 and a police officer visited my class and I got upset when she showed the class her gun. I figure I've had anxiety issues for a long time but they've just come out with a vengeance now.
I'm sick of feeling like this and being terrified all the time. I hate lying there before I go to sleep and thinking I'm not going to wake up. I have always been a very independent and optimistic person and I want to go back to the way I was before. If anyone has any words of advice for me I'd really appreciate it!