so unhappy today..

[misskitty]

I know i should take my own advice, but things are crumbling again today. I am supposed to be moving next week to be with my boyfriend, but i cant do it. Its all too much, he has these huge expectations on me. I cant tell him all this over the phone so i really hoped he would come see me this week, but he says he cant.

The other day i travelled an hour and a half to see him because he was feeling unwell. I was only there for a short time but i wanted to try and cheer him up and surprise him. It took so much out of me, I was really panicked and exhausted the next day, but he just doesnt see that.. he doesnt understand the panic at all and just figures ah youve done it once etc.. so anyway this morning i told him i feel like nothing i do makes him any happier and he said well you could make me happy by coming to me at the weekend, can you get a lift to the station and come over.

I am so scared now.. i cant cope with all that i am trying to do for him, for us.. i want this relationship to work out so bad but for me to stay in my flat i have to prove to him that i can get to his by myself, otherwise he doesnt see a future for us.

I feel so upset and like i just need him to think about what i want for a change, to be there for me. He thinks that because he works hard every day and suffers from stress with that and i am not working, that i cant possible be under the same amount of stress :(

should also note that he was on citalopram when i met him and has been coming off it for the last 6 months.. he hasnt taken any for like two months now and hes a totally different person :( sorry needed to vent.

[blueangel]

So... if he's a totally different person since he came off the citalopram, is this the person that you want to be with? I think that's one of the really important things to ask yourself about all this.

On the other side of the argument, I think in his own way he might be doing some things that he thinks will help you - like getting about on your own. Most of us who suffer from anxiety know that avoiding things actually only makes them worse. You might feel better in the short term by avoiding something (like going to the dentist, travelling on your own etc.), but you still have to do them eventually.

Don't forget that having made the journey once on your own is actually a big achievement and you should be patting yourself on the back for that - AND it does mean that you can do it again. OK, it was hard work, but you've proved to yourself that you can do it, so build on this, not just for going to see him, but doing other things as well.

Hope this helps.