Made an appointment for the doctors

[phil06]

I've been battling for months resisting the doctors telling myself it's just anxiety but feel it's gone on too long, counselling isn't having that instant effect. I have too many symptoms and too many health anxieties:

The Health worries:

Diabetes, Tumours, Seizures, Needing glasses, Heart worries, Going Blind, Swine Flu, Food Poisoning, Asthma, that my bowels are not working correct.

Mental health fears: Having a manic episode or schizophrenia or losing my mind in any way.

I guess it's not as big a list as some as it's all focused round depersonalization, breathing, the eyes and so on.

The symptoms:

Panic, no sleep, OCD behaviour, fear of instantly dying, slow heart/fast heart/jumpy heart beat, depersonalization/derealization, blurry/nippy/heavy eyes, weakness, hunger, numbness, frequent bowel movements or constipation, chest pains, unreality, mind blanks, racing mind, headaches, pulsating veins, dizziness, shortness of breath, personality changes, low mood, extreme tiredness for no reason, getting very hot, chronic fatigue, feeling run down, exhausted, knackered even if I do little, agoraphobia scared to go out as I can't cope with symptoms, forgetfulness, insomnia, very vivid film like horrible dreams, sugar cravings.

Maybe some can relate? I get about 5 of these symptoms sometimes same ones every day. I REALLY struggle to come to terms with it being just anxiety. Hearing somebody else's illness on the news for example will send a shooting surge to me thinking wow I have that and scarily I actually think wow, just maybe I do..feels very real.

So my symptoms and health anxiety cross like this:

Short of breath - Asthma.
Slow heart - Heart attack.
Common cold - Swine Flu.

I've battled this anxiety for 5 years it kind of came and went in spells and I relapsed again last May after a second driving test failure I had a major panic attack, got took to the doctors and was given diazepam. In my head that's the day I felt wow something is wrong..even think I never survived that day and I'm a ghost now..had so many symptoms and I battle on hoping it will go. I find self help difficult as I keep having doubts over it incase there is something wrong.

But the depersonalization is the bad symptom right now and has been for months. Really can't connect with life, people, the outside..don't feel alive. So that fuels my anxiety on..I just need some relief..some day just saying well it is anxiety and not worrying anymore?

But it's a real issue as I can't go out as much as I'd like, I'm not motivated to find a new job anymore, just feel putting up with the anxiety is the only way. My parents think I've got worse with the counselling and not better so that's not great. I just feel terrible every day I become envious if anybody is going to the doctors in the family as I crave going, getting checked over I'd have every test going scans, blood tests if I could but know it's maybe not helpful...I'm still determined something is wrong 9 months in a bubble suffering in silence..I just want to be able to feel "me" again and go out thinking about enjoying a film or night out and I don't mind the odd panic I can live with that but this run down, REAL doubt something is wrong or my mind is away..just can't cope with it. Some days I wake up in a cloud not knowing what day it is..I have to adjust my mind as it's that cloudy is that normal?

I'm pure hypochondriac at the moment as I can't go a day without posting or asking advice. Arguably if I was gonna die I'd have died 9 months ago or sometime inbetween? Still I worry though..any ideas? I see the doctor on Monday and I'm no fan of meds. I take beta blockers though. I worry I'm crazy and won't ever feel like my old self again.. or I fear what I'm going through is in some way uniquely worse for me..my mind won't accept it's normal this..:huh:

[Clairalou]

Gosh honey your really going through the mill!

I wanted to post and say that around 12 months ago i had all of those symptoms and more, i made myself so ill worrying over my panic symptoms that i couldnt get my head around the fact that nothing was wrong!
Somedays i was having almost all those symptoms in one day!
Anxiety and panic can be relentless cant it you end up totally and utterly exhausted!

Make sure you write down all your concerns and show them to your gp be totally honest about it and be clear that these symptoms are very real to you.

Im sure that its just the anxiety causing the problems and your gp will be able to reasure you and set you on the right track to getting better!

Good luck

Claire xxxx

[Greenman50]

Phil....don,t be afraid of going on meds mate , they could give you the space you need to break this cycle you are in . I feel much better now i,m on them .

[ditzygirl]

Hun, Well done for booking appt.

Print off what you have written to us. You have been totally honest and this will help yourGP understand.

If,like me, you clam up in the surgery and dont share the things you want to - this will really help.

There are wide range of meds available and IMO if taking meds gives u your life back then so bne it.

I lost an awful lot of last year struggling on and kidding myself I was coping.

But I wasn't and now with Sertraline, I can see things clearly and am a different person.

I still have things to overcome but that's ok.

I can't tell you how much I regret wasting so much time last year.

Go to the appt and be totally honest.

Asking for help is hard but brave.

We are here for you every step of the wayxxx

[snowgoose]

hello Phil:)

cant say anything more than what has already been said ............you are not alone here though ............lots of advice and understanding x

personally I found meds gave me the space and time to recover from the exhaustion ......find my feet ........and then find the tools to inner peace.
hope your doc is helpful...and keep posting and talking. this can be such a lonely illness ....... but you are with friends here .x

[amandaj]

wd phil for making the big step of going to the drs ,good luck let us know how you get on x

[phil06]

Well I went to the doctors today..

Was hoping for every test under the sun before I went in but she just looked at me and said I looked fine..neevr checked me so I assume I must be ok?

She was more worried about me not going out the house..so she's referred me for some kind of therapy or psychologist on the NHS..not sure how long it will take? what happens when you go to them?

She said don't bother paying £35 an hour for the counsellor as she will sort this out and my parents said it's hardly helping anyway. I felt possibly I was seeking any help for the sake of it even though she was not really doing much for my anxiety but that's because I've been pressured by asking too much advice on forums and maybe I should have got this help from the doctor sooner? So I cancelled that and she gave me some Diazepam incase I get really worked up. She also said I must go out 30 mins per day..can't just sit around...

But today I went for a a meal lunch thing, went into the town, went home on a bus or train and was drinking cola...WITHOUT a diazepam just that talking to. My only symptom has been a tension headache but I was as relaxed as I could ever be on a train ect..seems my "clouded" head of anxiety can be fixed with some effort...also been reading some self help anyway.

Bit worried she never checked me over but maybe she never felt cause to? I can't go on anti depressants due to me having a manic episode a few years ago however she is going to see if there's any I can go on..if need be but if it just took a good old talking to from a doctor somebody of some knowledge maybe my anxiety can be fixed maybe even without Diazepam? I hope to not use them much. :huh:

[Greenman50]

Hi mate

Its amazeing when you see the doc , you come out feeling much better !

I,ve done that aswell :D Keep the motivation going , get out there and keep busy and you will continue to improve . I stayed at home for a month with every ache and pain under the sun , but once i forced myself to go back to work (slowly) i felt much better , it takes time and if you have a bad day don,t worry , get up , dust yourself down and keep going :yesyes:

Well done for today , you should be really pleased with yourself :D