phil06
24-02-11, 17:13
I've been battling for months resisting the doctors telling myself it's just anxiety but feel it's gone on too long, counselling isn't having that instant effect. I have too many symptoms and too many health anxieties:
The Health worries:
Diabetes, Tumours, Seizures, Needing glasses, Heart worries, Going Blind, Swine Flu, Food Poisoning, Asthma, that my bowels are not working correct.
Mental health fears: Having a manic episode or schizophrenia or losing my mind in any way.
I guess it's not as big a list as some as it's all focused round depersonalization, breathing, the eyes and so on.
The symptoms:
Panic, no sleep, OCD behaviour, fear of instantly dying, slow heart/fast heart/jumpy heart beat, depersonalization/derealization, blurry/nippy/heavy eyes, weakness, hunger, numbness, frequent bowel movements or constipation, chest pains, unreality, mind blanks, racing mind, headaches, pulsating veins, dizziness, shortness of breath, personality changes, low mood, extreme tiredness for no reason, getting very hot, chronic fatigue, feeling run down, exhausted, knackered even if I do little, agoraphobia scared to go out as I can't cope with symptoms, forgetfulness, insomnia, very vivid film like horrible dreams, sugar cravings.
Maybe some can relate? I get about 5 of these symptoms sometimes same ones every day. I REALLY struggle to come to terms with it being just anxiety. Hearing somebody else's illness on the news for example will send a shooting surge to me thinking wow I have that and scarily I actually think wow, just maybe I do..feels very real.
So my symptoms and health anxiety cross like this:
Short of breath - Asthma.
Slow heart - Heart attack.
Common cold - Swine Flu.
I've battled this anxiety for 5 years it kind of came and went in spells and I relapsed again last May after a second driving test failure I had a major panic attack, got took to the doctors and was given diazepam. In my head that's the day I felt wow something is wrong..even think I never survived that day and I'm a ghost now..had so many symptoms and I battle on hoping it will go. I find self help difficult as I keep having doubts over it incase there is something wrong.
But the depersonalization is the bad symptom right now and has been for months. Really can't connect with life, people, the outside..don't feel alive. So that fuels my anxiety on..I just need some relief..some day just saying well it is anxiety and not worrying anymore?
But it's a real issue as I can't go out as much as I'd like, I'm not motivated to find a new job anymore, just feel putting up with the anxiety is the only way. My parents think I've got worse with the counselling and not better so that's not great. I just feel terrible every day I become envious if anybody is going to the doctors in the family as I crave going, getting checked over I'd have every test going scans, blood tests if I could but know it's maybe not helpful...I'm still determined something is wrong 9 months in a bubble suffering in silence..I just want to be able to feel "me" again and go out thinking about enjoying a film or night out and I don't mind the odd panic I can live with that but this run down, REAL doubt something is wrong or my mind is away..just can't cope with it. Some days I wake up in a cloud not knowing what day it is..I have to adjust my mind as it's that cloudy is that normal?
I'm pure hypochondriac at the moment as I can't go a day without posting or asking advice. Arguably if I was gonna die I'd have died 9 months ago or sometime inbetween? Still I worry though..any ideas? I see the doctor on Monday and I'm no fan of meds. I take beta blockers though. I worry I'm crazy and won't ever feel like my old self again.. or I fear what I'm going through is in some way uniquely worse for me..my mind won't accept it's normal this..:huh:
The Health worries:
Diabetes, Tumours, Seizures, Needing glasses, Heart worries, Going Blind, Swine Flu, Food Poisoning, Asthma, that my bowels are not working correct.
Mental health fears: Having a manic episode or schizophrenia or losing my mind in any way.
I guess it's not as big a list as some as it's all focused round depersonalization, breathing, the eyes and so on.
The symptoms:
Panic, no sleep, OCD behaviour, fear of instantly dying, slow heart/fast heart/jumpy heart beat, depersonalization/derealization, blurry/nippy/heavy eyes, weakness, hunger, numbness, frequent bowel movements or constipation, chest pains, unreality, mind blanks, racing mind, headaches, pulsating veins, dizziness, shortness of breath, personality changes, low mood, extreme tiredness for no reason, getting very hot, chronic fatigue, feeling run down, exhausted, knackered even if I do little, agoraphobia scared to go out as I can't cope with symptoms, forgetfulness, insomnia, very vivid film like horrible dreams, sugar cravings.
Maybe some can relate? I get about 5 of these symptoms sometimes same ones every day. I REALLY struggle to come to terms with it being just anxiety. Hearing somebody else's illness on the news for example will send a shooting surge to me thinking wow I have that and scarily I actually think wow, just maybe I do..feels very real.
So my symptoms and health anxiety cross like this:
Short of breath - Asthma.
Slow heart - Heart attack.
Common cold - Swine Flu.
I've battled this anxiety for 5 years it kind of came and went in spells and I relapsed again last May after a second driving test failure I had a major panic attack, got took to the doctors and was given diazepam. In my head that's the day I felt wow something is wrong..even think I never survived that day and I'm a ghost now..had so many symptoms and I battle on hoping it will go. I find self help difficult as I keep having doubts over it incase there is something wrong.
But the depersonalization is the bad symptom right now and has been for months. Really can't connect with life, people, the outside..don't feel alive. So that fuels my anxiety on..I just need some relief..some day just saying well it is anxiety and not worrying anymore?
But it's a real issue as I can't go out as much as I'd like, I'm not motivated to find a new job anymore, just feel putting up with the anxiety is the only way. My parents think I've got worse with the counselling and not better so that's not great. I just feel terrible every day I become envious if anybody is going to the doctors in the family as I crave going, getting checked over I'd have every test going scans, blood tests if I could but know it's maybe not helpful...I'm still determined something is wrong 9 months in a bubble suffering in silence..I just want to be able to feel "me" again and go out thinking about enjoying a film or night out and I don't mind the odd panic I can live with that but this run down, REAL doubt something is wrong or my mind is away..just can't cope with it. Some days I wake up in a cloud not knowing what day it is..I have to adjust my mind as it's that cloudy is that normal?
I'm pure hypochondriac at the moment as I can't go a day without posting or asking advice. Arguably if I was gonna die I'd have died 9 months ago or sometime inbetween? Still I worry though..any ideas? I see the doctor on Monday and I'm no fan of meds. I take beta blockers though. I worry I'm crazy and won't ever feel like my old self again.. or I fear what I'm going through is in some way uniquely worse for me..my mind won't accept it's normal this..:huh: