Anxiety after talking to people with happier lives!

[harasgenster]

Hi
Been a bit anxious today after going out last night with some friends and some new people I hadn't met before. It was great night and I really enjoyed it but it left me with a bit of anxiety over my life.

I've been moaning for ages that life seems disappointing. I had high hopes when I was at uni and worked really hard to get good grades. I managed that but for the last four years since graduating I've been miserable in my work. I worked very hard at uni because I wanted to be able to get a job that would stimulate me. I'm not too bothered about cash, I just didn't want to be bored. But in reality I worked in admin for three years which I found dull then a writing job that I find almost as boring as that!

I dread every morning during the week and hate Sunday evenings knowing I have to do it again on Monday. I am grateful to have a job and often feel selfish wanting more, as I realise there's a lot of people who hate their jobs and get by and others that can't find work. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I'm disappointed. He tells me that everybody feels the same way.

But in reality, I don't think he's right. I think some people do enjoy their jobs and not everybody dreads work. Of the people I was out with last night, one had started out as a teacher (which she loved) then gone back to uni to study as a landscape artist (which she loves even more!) Another friend is a freelance creative writing tutor, which she seems to really enjoy and I think I would too (but funding is cut in schools so no point in trying now). Another friend is a filing clerk but doesn't dread work because she has made friends there and enjoys the social life (she has made friends in every job she has while I have made none).

But I feel like I'm never going to be able to enjoy work. The only thing I can think of that I'd enjoy is writing comedy or teaching creative writing as a freelancer. But the opportunities to do this kind of thing are very slim so there's no way out. I just feel trapped and disappointed with how life has turned out for me. I know it sounds like I'm just being spoilt, wanting more than a lot of people have, but I put in so much work because I wanted a fulfilling career (in fact I worked so hard I burned out and had a minor breakdown!) and I feel like I just can't have one.

Does anyone feel the same way about things? I hate the idea that I will be bored every day for the next 40 years. That sounds fatalist to me but that's how my boyfriend and parents tell me it is and that I shouldn't expect more. Do I just have to accept this? Is it only the very lucky and very rich that enjoy their jobs?

[snowgoose]

hello:)

I felt the frustration in your mail and empathise hugely with you .
Given the current economic climate and job situation to have any job at all is a plus ..and makes you feel guilty if complaining.
but that reality doesnt take away your feelings of dread and anxiety on Sunday night :hugs:

now then ...you are a creative hard working lass with imagination and humour .
use that time off to create new material and join if you can a writing class on line if you can.
sod the house work [fold instead of ironing .....use foil on oven dishes to save washing up .he he !!] Use that spare time to feed your soul .

it will lift you and may well create a new opening . dont give up the dream

xxx

[harasgenster]

hello:)
use that time off to create new material and join if you can a writing class on line if you can.
sod the house work [fold instead of ironing .....use foil on oven dishes to save washing up .he he !!] Use that spare time to feed your soul .

it will lift you and may well create a new opening . dont give up the dream

xxx

Thanks Snowgoose. I do do this, actually. I used to do stand up but now I focus on script writing. I just need to be a bit more patient with it, I think! Although I enjoy writing, it's a bit of double-edged sword because my hope is resting on it quite a bit and I begin to get down if the idea that it's never going to work out pops into my head.

Also, working with other people can be frustrating for me because I take it very, very seriously and others are more relaxed about it. I don't want to put anyone else under pressure so I feel bad about feeling annoyed, but I've put so much weight on getting out of the job and into "my career", as I call it, that it feels like a matter of life or death!

Perhaps what I need is perspective! I'm going to keep working though :) Not giving up on the dream :)

[snowgoose]

Blitz the telly companies and radio too .
do you got the Edinburgh Festival ? seems a lot get started there .
Wish we could see your material .........it is a true gift to make people laugh .
xx

[allergyphobia]

Hi Haras

I completely sympathise with your post.
Snow gives you some good advice, not to give up on your dream… the hardest thing to do is to channel the frustration into making you succeed… hard when you feel as though you have worked hard enough already… but if you don’t keep trying, what happens then?

For a long time I thought everybody hated their jobs. But my boyfriend loves what he does. He talks so passionately about it and where he wants to get. Yes he moans about this and that but fundamentally he doesn’t hate it. I studied hard at college and then university but was left floating about a bit burnt out, temped for a bit, got an admin job then fell into a couple of research jobs. I feel like I’ve been bored for 2 years and it’s horrible. So I’ve started doing some volunteering and I’m starting to break it down what it is I enjoy and what I need to do to get there.

I think you mentioned that you upload things on youtube? Maybe you could get a twitter and use the channel to tap into comedy networks and ask people to watch your vid. There must be things you can do to promote what you are doing.

I don’t think you need to accept it all. Maybe you have to accept things won’t be ideal in the meantime, but I think your work is what you make it – I think if you couldn’t make what you want to happen, you need to do things in your spare time that make you realise work is just a 9-5, and you won’t feel so frustrated with it.

I dunno if any of this helps think I might have rambled a bit.. sorry…

x

[harasgenster]

Thanks, both of you. This thread has cheered me up quite a bit. I always feel so selfish for complaining about this sort of stuff!

Snowgoose - I've just sent something off to a sitcom competition for the first time. I'm relatively happy with it but I ran out of time near the end and there's a lot more I would have done to it to make it the best it could be. I have a problem with getting so down about my prospects and believing that nothing will ever go right that I don't put myself forward or I leave things unfinished. doing stand up helped me change that because if you're going on stage you'd better have something to say! It makes you put the work in. So yes, I'm going to start trying my best to put myself out there, it's just a lack of confidence stopping me. I don't want to receive a letter that tells me I haven't got it and should quit!

Thanks to Allergyphobia too. I've tried to do the Twitter thing (and I'm still trying to make myself put some stuff up) but I know some "real comedians" follow me and a lot more them follow my boyfriend (who is effortlessly funny, the ***! :)) so I always get nervous. You're right, though, I should bite the bullet.

Thank you, both of you, this really has given me the boost I needed! Not feeling so down now!

[snowgoose]

oh so good to read your mail :)

yes you bite the bullet now eh? ........send off as much stuff to anyone and everyone you can think of ...including the stand up comedians we see now like Sarah Millican etc . lets face it good comedy is in short supply and new talent is
welcomed .
and remember Jk Rowling got some setbacks before global fame and millions !!
just concerned you are measuring yourself against boyfriend ............erm he will make some folk laugh ..........and you others . it is indeed individual .
dont you dare lose that talent ..........a lot of dreams we see are the result of tenacity and stubbornness ........and that little voice that says you have that talent .
go go girl go xxx

[harasgenster]

just concerned you are measuring yourself against boyfriend


Nah, he's good at some stuff, I'm good at others. He's naturally funny in real life, I'm not but I can write comedy where as he can't. Two different skills :)

Thanks for all your encouragement :D