Can't be alone

[Claire240380]

Hi guys,

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. I don't get on here very often but when my anxity and panic attacks start to get the better of me I always turn to this site. I've found it a life line in the past so again I turn to you all.

I have suffered with panic attacks for the past 8 years since my Dad was left with brain damage after an assult and I've found it to be a rollercoaster. I've been through so many stages that I've lost count. I've been on medication, I've come off medication, I've been housebound and I've managed to travel short distances alone. I had constant anxiety and suffered panic attacks when leaving the house by myself. I had alot of chest pain and dizziness. I always thought "what if I panic and collapse...will anyone help me?" However 5 years ago I managed to start working again and built my confidence up. At one point I thought I'd cracked it and was even able to get myself on the bus to and from work myself.

Over the last couple of years I've not been so good. My partner who I am so blessed to have comes on one bus with me into town and then I get the second bus on my own but if I start to panic I phone her so I don't feel alone. I tell her how I am feeling, when my chest is tight when I get stabbing pains and feels difficult to breathe. I feel like if anything happens to me I want her to know what happened.

To make things worse, my Dad (who also suffered with Anxiety and Panic attacks his whole adult life) passed away suddenly just before Christmas. he was only 61 and the coroner said that he had advanced lung cancer (he didn't know) as well as ischaemic heart diesease (as did his mum and other late members of his family). I do worry if my chest pains are because of an underlying heart problem which has not been picked up by the doctors. (The doctors told my dad that his swollen legs were water retention when it was infact a symtom of lung cancer, so much for doctors knowing best.) I just don't understand why I get these pains, dizzy spells and frightening feelings which lead to panic attacks. I've started at the gym with my partner to see if I can improve my health and fitness. I don't smoke or drink but I'm starting to feel like I did at the beginning where I have the anxiousness and feel like I'm trembling inside all the time. I'm frightened that I'm going to end up back where I started, unable to leave the house.

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to give you the outline everything.

Where do I go from here? :unsure:

[jothenurse]

If you've been to the doctor's and they have found nothing wrong with you,then I think I would believe them and try to focus on moving forward. Losing your parents is so very hard. I lost my Dad in 2001, and my mother passed away last August. It leaves a person with such am empty feeling,and it takes time to work through the grieving.
If your father had heart problems, sometimes the swelling in a person's legs can be common with that. It is too bad the doctor missed that, but don't have that lead to not believing your doctor.

[Emz]

I think a death can sometimes hit you so hard. My husbands Dad died suddenly at Xmas (also 61) and it can be such a shock. Especially for people like us who worry over every little thing.

I think we all know logically that anxiety is only in our heads and it will go away when we stop fearing it but that is easier said than done. Its hard, so very very hard. I'm not sure what I can suggest to help, but if you want a little anxiety buddy then PM me.

We're both lucky to have supportive partners but sometimes you can feel so alone when suffering like this, people who haven't suffered it can be compassionate but they can never really understand that utter terror that you feel from silly little things.

I'd suggest going to your doctors, but if you don't find them helpful (i don't) you may want to contact the local mental health crisis team in your area.