sketchyboots
25-02-11, 19:41
I am getting obsessed with ideas that I'm going to die - I don't fear dying myself but fear for those I would leave behind. I'm 38, heavy smoker and have slight liver damage due to taking too many paracetamol over the years. I am also overweight. The fear seems to grip me in the evening time when my partner gets home from work. I worry about how upset he would be if I died. The terrible trap of this type of thinking is that the more I feel fear, the more I want to smoke to calm down, the more I smoke, the greater the chance of getting ill. I already have wheezing at night. I feel as if I am about 80 - everything aches. I am under a hell of a lot of financial pressure - we can't afford this month's rent, bills aren't getting paid etc - maybe this is making my anxiety worse. A friend of a friend has just died of cancer aged 40. My ex-partner died of cancer aged 51. This could be causing the anxiety. Maybe I should get some counselling. I also live in a small town with lots of old people around, and hear of other people dying etc. I just can't seem to shake off the feeling of fear. I need a fag now! I don't drink anymore so can't blot out the feelings easily. I am a depressive with a natural negative outlook and my partner says I need to start thinking more positively and give up smoking. But it's so hard, especially when I'm so stressed out. I get chest pains, get dizzy, feel like I'm having a heart attack etc. Seeing my doctor next week. Anyone else out there suffered from the death fears and managed to overcome it?? :ohmy: