i have to deal with lots including ocd...i cant cope i wana die

[overthinker]

Why me after all the physical and sexual abuse iv suffered why can't I jus be free to live and love life its like im being bullied for something iv unknowingly done

Ok so first I have hopd now pocd then I have thoughts of me harming people then myself also alongside that I have been diagnosed with dissociative disorder not of specific (ddnos) then I also have to battle anorexia with bulimic tendencies and become dangerously underweight then forced to recover now iv relapsed I jus want to take painkillers as they stop all thoughts but can't get of any :( I can't deal with the pocd oh ow I pray for the days when I thought I was a lesbian least it weren't sick

Its all too much im only 21 for f**ks sake I feel im natures mistake and reject maybe I shud die it would be better to feel nothing than this crap

I jus think of my family if they weren't around I cud do it be free from this perfetic weak mind of mine!!!!!!!!!!!

[~glowly worm~]

Hey x

So sorry to hear you are struggling this much :(
However im relieved you cant get hold of pain killers as they wont help you really, they might numb the pain or make you really ill but they wotn make it stop x Have you been to your GP to ask for some support? Definitely sounds like you need it and there are some great services out there but sadly you do have to fight..

It hurts like hell (i have many disorders too including ocd) but there is help.. please try and get some if you havent already?

As for you thoughts, they are not of your choosing at present therefore they are not wrong x They just feel awful * hugs * People here are great and want to support you so keep talking x

[overthinker]

I know but my mind keeps saying u aren't born a a sicko u can become a sicko overtime im terrified I've become a sicko I wish I cud jus go under this scanner that tells me truthfully if I am a sick individual. If I am I cud jus end it before I hurt someone, I ave to work around children and adults all day and tomorow I have to work 8hrs I jus dont know how to manage I mean I worked 5 rs today and the thoughts made me go crazy everytime I needed a wee I fortit was something more disgusting what if it is I jus have no connection to my body no more anorexics are suppose to have no sexual libido so are these feelings caused by constant worry :/ I ended up smashing my head I keep getting urges to cut myself downstairs (private region) jus incase these are sexual feelings that way the feelin will go im sorry im rambling im terrified iv only had this pocd thing for literally five days....far too scared to go docs....can't I say I have different intrusive thought then when referred sahave pocd will it go on my record I want children and dont want nothing to come between that even though im terrified of havin children.this is breakin my heart </3

[~glowly worm~]

Hey again ;)

Your mind will do that, mine does all the time, not the same things but it tells me stuff that terrifies me and the more i try to resist it the more it hits. People are in general actually more likely to hurt someone when they dont see it as a problem..the fact it scares you so much indicates its a thought process.

Do not be afraid to say things, from what you have been through it is very understandable and any GP worht their job would understand that.

It is heartbreaking sure, but isnt that all the more reason to seek help for it? Please dont suffer alone, its a problem in the way your brain is working it isnt your fault it does not mean you are sick because you do not want this!!

It might help you more to visit the OCD forums as we are often advised to here, you ar emore thna welcome to keep posting but they may be others on there who have exactly the same difficulty as you who may be able to reassure you more.

Maybe use both...here and there? I do ;)

Really hope this helps and hasnt scared you away, please see your Gp there is help out there x

Hugs to you... ~glowly~

[~glowly worm~]

p.s.. i dont think ocd will stop you having children,but what is definite is if you dont get the help you deserve to get then you wont be able to enjoy having them when it happens x

[overthinker]

Your right im tryin to study my degree in sport health and exercise I have three essaysa need to alo find work experience I haven't done any of it as I feel I dont deserve a future and I can't seem to focus I can't remember what I was thinking before this as I fort I was on the straight and narrow if I knew what I was thinking about then I wud be ok and normal again I pray I will be back to normal I will have to go docs :( thank u so much for ur reassurance huggles :)

[~glowly worm~]

Hey x
im in a very very similar boat, uni is the toughest without having to get experience then having ocd on top well its knackering!!!

But you DO deserve it, more thank most actually for doing what you are despite what you are going through!!
One thing.. do you have support at uni? My uni have a failry decent service and if you let them know you can get so much support such as help with managing assignments, motivation and accessing counselling, there should be a centre at your
uni that you can email for an appointment confidentially.

Im so glad you are going to the docs, its the right thing to do ;) And if they dont understand you need to go back and ask to see a different GP..trust me i have been through so many of them finding a decent one x

Keep plodding though, and do let us know how it goes and if you need any more support in approaching the GP.

Warm hugs back
~glowly~ x
And theydont normally approach your department without your permission either.

Im so relieved you are going to your docs, it is the right thing to do, and if they dont understand you can always go back and see a different GP.

[~glowly worm~]

p.s sorry about that repetition i forgot to edit b4 posting ;)

[PoppyC]

Hi
You are ,are not pathetic or weak. You have been through such a lot and you are so young.
Are you having any counselling?
I am much older than you and I have been through similar. If I had to give you any advice, it would be to seek counselling now, and get out all what you have been through, so that you can have a new start, with a new future ahead.
Sending you hugs :hugs:

[Captain Caveman]

Hi overthinker. I agree with the kind words of glowy worm and poppyc. I also would encourage you to seek help if you can't manage these alone. It's not a sign of weakness to seek help.


It might help you more to visit the OCD forums as we are often advised to here, you ar emore thna welcome to keep posting but they may be others on there who have exactly the same difficulty as you who may be able to reassure you more.


I agree that it would be good to visit a forum that has people dealing specifically with obsessive and compulsive behaviour. But I gotta disagree about using it for reassurance. This will actually make things worse LONG TERM. The following forum I'm linking is chock full of well meaning individuals, but unfortunately there is a whole lot of reassuring going on in many posts which experienced members and professionals out there will tell you is unhelpful in recovering. Reassurance will provide short term relief, but in x amount of time there is the "but what if.....?" Each time from then on the fears will become stronger and worse. I know this only too well. Before being taught this, I spent years getting myself in to massive trouble with the reassurance, doubt, reassurance, doubt cycle. The forum I am linking here is the same one I mentioned to you yesterday. This time I have provided a link to a specific thread that helps explain the problems of seeking reassurance and certain other unhelpful coping strategies. Have a read through it, as it will help you on your way:): http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=29281&highlight=purdon

[~glowly worm~]

Ahhh..good point Caveman :) Forgot about that bit! ;)
Well said and i agree, what i meant about the reassurance was to get some so that you could have hte courage to know its not your fault and get to the docs..but Caveman you are right i have also fallen prat to that and its tricky to escape once there x