View Full Version : an absolute mess
Just cant shake the thought from my head that i have a serious illness.
- About 10 mins ago i was brushing my hair backwards and when i did it the brush kinda hit the top of forehead on each side (something so simple like brushing my hair i cant even do that anymore without ending up worrying) now i have pains in my forehead on the left side just above eyebrow at the moment.
- Also my fear of cancer ( i woke up this morning with sharp pains in lower centre tummy- like i needed the loo pains but cudnt go to the loo.
Also sweating (i sweat A LOT! i get sweaty hands easily- i sweat when sitting down in my room easily) i used to sweat when i got out the bath and then the following morning ( i hate it because it means i need another bath because i feel gross and sweat smells :() also lately been having this thing when i put a jumper on i get to hot and if i take it off im to cold :(.
Also the other day when eating i got a severe pain in my right chest and right of my back which took ages to pass- also my stomach will make noises for half an hour on end- sometimes three times a day (this hasnt happened for a while but when it does there not hunger noises its something else)- i also get random painful lower back spasms. I also get pain in my ankles like there twisted (it is bought on if i move them sometimes) and then my two toes will squeeze togehter and become really painful ( had this before i had anxiety) I also get Pressure in nose and pain, tooth pain. i scracth my self badly in my sleep and have itchy skin and the little red dots on my skin at the moment are worrying me. Ive scratced both lower legs so badly i still have the scars. also thinking about it when i eat some food (tuna sandwich for example) it gets stuck in upper centre chest/throat and i have to drink to get rid of it (had this for ages before i was anxious)
bloody hell- that feels like a long post :doh: but i just dont know what to think anymore.
Also in right eye just felt like i had a load of white dots for a few seconds and my eye was closing- :( so scared about bleeding of the brain.
Emma-you need to do what you have just written on Anx Mum's post.....................
"You have to learn to trust what your doc has said. You have had all the tests done. You are a healthy person. There is nothing wrong with you. you have had a diagonisis and it is NOT life threating. Go for a walk, do something to take your mind of it and you will find that they will get better. Sorry if that sounds harsh as i know how horrible you must be feeling but this is all anxiety making you feel like this. Hope you feel better soon :biggrin: "
Thanks. I guess sometimes i have to take my own advice lol :)
That is very true Emma but I know how hard it is! That is why I find it helpful replying to other peoples posts on here becasuse when I give them advice I am kind of giving myself advice as well.
Thanks. It does kind of feel like that lol x :)
I do feel a lot better today. No faintness/dizziness/nausea. Just a bit of muscles ache/sinus pain and head pains :D
I'm so shaky at the moment. I was in cinema and suddenly got pain in lower back were the spasms happen. had a spasm earlier today and last night (cant remember when the spasms started happened but it was before the anxiety so its not that) normally i get one every few weeks or so and there so painful i have to stand still and hold my back..... and if i breathe in after the initial wave of pain it hurts and then it passes. the pain is more on my left side (kidney) im very close to tears thinking ive got kindey failure as its all on one side. Also my period finished two days ago but during the day ive been spotting brown blood. so very scared.
also scared its a neruro (cant spell it) issue. as ive only been sitting down for 2 mins and have a numb right leg. had this for well over a year (before anxiety) and have the twisted ankle issues. :(
also my eyes ached and and felt funny all the way through the film and they feel funny now. had loads of white dots in right eye yesterday and the eye was closing. worried about hemmorage. neck keeps twitching up wards and ive got terrible pain around that area. my eyes still feel really sore now.
getting twinges in lower left abdomen (ovary) i cant be ovulating as im still on my period. has this a while ago but thought it was ovulation (maybe its not)
Just cos you've got an abdominal "twinge" doesn't mean you're "ovulating" Emma lol. You must stop thinking that every pain, twinge, odd sensation is something dramatic.
I'm sure you're fitter than me ;)
Thanks but i just had a moment when i was bursting for the loo so ran to the loo and i couldnt go :(. the urge just stopped. Also the discharge from today is really light brown and mucusy. I never have periods that are a week long. yesterday it was blackish. i dont produce anything over night and its still very little during the day. Im terrifed about my kidneys because of the back spasms and the pains. Over the last few weeks ive been having trouble holding urine in and have accidently gone a little bit before i can reach a loo :( embarrasing but the truth. I just get a sudden bursting urge to go. Ive ran a bath but i cant bring my self to get in it.
Im very close to googling "kidney failure/cancer" :'(
im not going to but i want to
also the red dots on my body have appeared on chest area now :'(
Is this a usual day for you Emma? :shrug:
When did the red dots appear?
what do you mean by a usual day?
ive had them on my hand for a few days and now on my chest- noticed them in bath this evening. i cant sleep feeling like this:(
i cant turn of my laptop to sleep or anything :'(
long night ahead i feel............ i can see me still being awake at 2:00am lol. :(
you can ovulate on a period. it happened to me - about 4 days in i started with terrible pain that lasted about 5 days - it felt like ovulating but i was terrified it was bowel cancer. i started my period again after only 16 days so it was definitely ovulation. i have now gone 50+ days without a period - anxiety can play havoc with your body lol x
Thanks. at the moment my kidneys are my main worry and the red dots :(. I just went to finish straightening my hair and i felt something pull when i did it and now im terrified for my head :@
Agreed - unlikely it was ovulation pain, your ovaries are very far down, down past your belly button - I remember being surprised when I had an ovarian scan as to just how far down they were! Your periods can go haywire when you're anxious. Normal to "leak" a bit - I hate to admit it but I'm the same and I'm only two years older than you! How long have you had the red dots for love? I'm covered in tiny red dots, like wee pin pricks but I've never checked it out - they've been there for well over two years too so I'm guessing it's safe to say they're all good.. Periods change as you get older too - and especially as you finish going through puberty you'll notice a change - they get heavier and longe the older you get, as far as I know anyway! Kindey problems are really rare at our age - and they're probably not that common to start with - so that makes it really unlikely.
Anyhow - distraction. We know it's just anxiety and maybe a bit of general run-downness (if it's a word even)! What do you think triggers it, what during the day makes you especially anxious?
You wrote earlier on another thread that you were feeling a lot better, and you accepted it all as anxiety, so what's changed love?
xx
Thanks. The twitching pain was very low down- nearly on my hip lol. I cant stand periods- just another thing to worry over lol. The red dots are like that lol. When i was a younger teen 13/14 i suffered terrible acne and would get spots on chest to lol. Always had dry senstive itchy skin but at the same time it gets oily which frustrates me lol.
I got very anxious today in the cinema when i felt the lower back pain. I was feeling really good till then and it set me back to how i normally am. I'm not sure that i can pinpoint exactly what starts or causes it. Then when i was bursting for the loo and couldnt go set me right back. Ive actually only been twice today but ive had one litre of orange squash and a pint of squash lol.
ive only had the red dots a few days :)
ive got really itchy skin now to. feels really terrible and all sticky and disgusting and just unpleasent. cant stand being a teenager any longer i have the lowest self confidence and i blame secondary school for that. :( all i want to do is sleep lol.
i still havnt been to the toilet again :( felt an urge but now its gone. im terrified for my kidneys.
normally if anxious i would be peeing loads. so the pain by kidney/months of back spasms/not being able to wee is slowly feeling like its killing me... oh and the bad skin :(
woke up and managed to use the toilet yay :) can still feel something in the left kindey area though :(
also been having sinus issues for 2 months now grrr.. really painful in nose on nose, around nose, teeth sometimes ears feel funny, painful headaches (forhead above eyebrows) yesterday i was in cinema and my eyes were sore and achy all the way through............................. i read somewere that some person got a brain tumor from an ear infection and now im terrified :'(
also a few days ago got a load of white dots in right eye :( and my eye was closing then they went.
Em.ma.
To the best of my knowledge, I have not replied to your post before (I may be wrong).
However, I notice that you post on a very regular basis and that your symptoms are very much getting the better of you (you're not related to Eggy by any chance are you)?
Please take this advice from an old fart who has suffered Anxiety for over forty years since I was 13.
If you let it, your mind will play so many tricks that you begin to believe that you are very ill! I have had most if not all the symptoms that you describe (apart from the female ones naturally). There have been times when I have thought that in no way can this be just Anxiety because I feel so ill!
Agreed, the symptoms are very real, the pain is very real because it DOES exist. The pain is NOT all in your mind, but the pain is caused by your mind!
Most of us on this sight will agree that if we could reprogramme our minds for the better, most or all of our symptoms would disappear.
This is a prime example of how evil Anxiety can be and how very clever it is at mimicking illnesses.
Have you ever discovered how that when you suffer a new illness, the old one will normally disappear and so on? This is known as Symptom Substitution in Psychology and is all part of Anxiety.
Providing you have been checked over by your doctor then the difficulties you are experiencing are more than likely Anxiety.
We are in a habit of listening to our bodies much too often until it becomes obsessional and compulsive every hour of the day!
Take a look at the Symptoms page and you will see endless illnesses caused by Anxiety.
I'm no Doctor but I do have over 40 years experience of Anxiety, which is more than most Doctors have!
Horse.
Thank you. wish i wasnt an anxious person lol.
Im only worried about my kidneys/stomach area up to a few weeks ago my tummy would make noises for half hour on end (not hunger noises, more like a groaning)
ladybird64
27-02-11, 13:03
Hello Emma
I have been reading back through some of your older posts and thought it might be helpful if I raised a few points with you.
You said you are 17 so I'm assuming that your GP referred you to the CAMHS team for your initial assessment?
I know that these inital processes can take some time but you would normally be seen by someone from the psychology dept at the first appt and would be offered a follow up appt very soon after that.
I have to be honest, and Im not disbelieving you here but I find it odd that they have said you need to go on a waiting list for counselling, I would have thought they would offer you regular therapy of some sort :shrug: I'm not an expert though.
Did you actually print out all these questions that you asked on here for them to read?
You can actually push for these sessions you are waiting for and your parents can too, as you are still under 18 and therefore classed as an adolescent. It appears (and forgive me if I'm wrong) that you have got into the habit of posting here very regularly, every few minutes sometimes both during the day and evening.
I don't know if you are at college but if so, your work must be suffering because you are constantly on here! :winks:
I think there may be more you can do to push your case forward Emma but you seem slightly reluctant to do so. Could you get an earlier appt with your GP or maybe a phone consultation? Could someone ring up the health team that saw you and ask why you have to wait so long to be seen?
I'm not sure if your mum and dad know the scale of the problem you have with HA but if you were my daughter, I would be chasing the GP to get things done!
Maybe a combined effort with all the family onboard can get things moving for you. :)
thanks. i did see someone from the CAMHS team. she then told me at the end of the session that id be better of seeing someone in tier 2 counessling.
I showed her what i had which was- a whole 6 pages of one thread on here that id panicked on- all the notes i made etc but how ever much i emphasised the point that my anxiety was causing me really bad problems she still thinks id be better of in another form of counessling.
I am at full time college and i hate to admit but im behind- i feel like my hope of going to uni is slowly fading. I know i will end up seeing my gp sometime this week but when i get in the consultation room i always go really shy and can never really bring it up. I saw a locum GP last week and she didnt understand that i had anxiety (im not blaming her) as she had only seen my last record and hadnt looked further back than that lol.
My dad said to me last week how his been distant from me because he hates seeing me upset all the time. He said whilst at work he thinks about how ive changed a lot. His never been one to show his emotions lol but i dont know how to bring the topic back up with him as this is all he said about it.
ALSO one last thing i got a splinter in my finger a few weeks ago and i still have the pain in that finger but no sign of infection?
There are two really amazing docs at the surgery im with. Ones my actual GP and the other is another Dr. there i really get along with. I feel like they take there time and actually listen to me rather than just saying its all anxiety. These two explain why its happening and how anxiety causes it. Going to try to see one of these Drs. sometime this week.
ladybird64
27-02-11, 13:32
Emma I think you need to ensure that you see one of these docs, not just try to because I think they need to chase up your appt.
I know you mentioned someone you could talk to before, is there any chance that this person could come to the appt with you? Im sure you are perfectly capable but I remember what it's like to be 17 (centuries ago :D) and I too found myself incapable of speaking to anyone about any issues that I had!
Trouble is, it isn't funny, you are getting behind in your work and that will add on more pressure..don't let your hopes of Uni fade because that would be very sad to let this HA take so much opportunity away from you.
You CAN do something about it though, whether going to the docs or chasing up the CAMHS team yourself-perhaps you can pluck up courage and talk to your dad about it.
It is really partially up to you Emma. I know CAMHS can be as slow as hell but they will move faster if they are reminded that you exist! If you are content to just post on here practically all the time then your situation won't get any better as you are constantly focusing on yourself and your bodily functions and appearance.
Im going to be mean and ignore your question about the splinter as I think you know that it's harmless, you are just getting into the whirlpool which is HA.
I wouldn't feel right encouraging you to sink any further into it but do wish you well and hope you can get your appt sooner rather than later. :flowers:
thanks. will be seeing a doc this week :) and actually get the courage to ask them this time. Havnt decided what i will do about dad yet. The reason i have trouble speaking to people in the first place is the first year of secondary school i was bullied so badly that i stayed of school for a while (I lost all my self esteem and confidence because of this) i actually partly blame that for the anxiety that i suffer now.
I know the splinter is nothing but its the anxiety lol. Its like i just had my head against the back of the sofa now and it started violently shaking and jolting for about 10 seconds against it (anxiety i know) but now i have the brain hemmorge fear again :(
ladybird64
27-02-11, 14:02
Good, glad to see you will make that appointment..that's being proactive :D
When you get to see your counsellor, hopefully you can work through some of the problems you have had at school in the past and move forward. I must say that you have done really well in managing to stay in the educational system, that takes a lot of courage.
I have also noticed that you have been answering some posts recently and giving very good advice. There is nothing like trying to help others for removing the focus from ourselves and that can only be a good thing for you. :)
Last thing..and I will cut you some slack on this. :winks:
re your worries about brain haemorrhage. You are not having one, not are you showing any signs or symptoms of having one.
i lost my own mum through this when I was young (she did have an underlying problem which I won't go into) and I can assure you that you would not be sitting using your laptop if you were haemorrhaging.
Try and be reassured by this and put that particular worry out of your mind..it's not happening.
Take care :flowers:
Thanks.
Secondary school was a real big challenge for me. For 3 years every morning i dreaded it. Throughout year 7 i was in tears numeros times at night just dreading the next day. I didnt do aswell in my gcse's as i had hoped (still passed all of them) but not with as higher grades as i would of liked and thats mostly because of the bullying.
I would say brain issues especially hemmorage is my biggest fear. I just got a weird sharp pain at the back of my head and ive got pain in forehead above eyebrows and a funny feeling on top of my head and to the side. and the pain in nose. I just feel ill all the time and today i feel sick again lol and eyes ache. I would go for a walk but its chucking it down with rain lol. :(.
Forgot to say that must have been awful losing your mum to something as horrible as that :( must of really affected you.
Thanks.
Secondary school was a real big challenge for me. For 3 years every morning i dreaded it. Throughout year 7 i was in tears numeros times at night just dreading the next day. I didnt do aswell in my gcse's as i had hoped (still passed all of them) but not with as higher grades as i would of liked and thats mostly because of the bullying.
I would say brain issues especially hemmorage is my biggest fear. I just got a weird sharp pain at the back of my head and ive got pain in forehead above eyebrows and a funny feeling on top of my head and to the side. and the pain in nose. I just feel ill all the time and today i feel sick again lol and eyes ache. I would go for a walk but its chucking it down with rain lol. :(.
Bullying's awful, it really is, and I can empathise with you there - I didn't like secondary school much either. Did you talk to someone about it, have you mentioned it to your GP/counsellor? If it's any consolation I failed an exam at school due to depression - and now I'm at uni, I've just failed two courses due to illness (and the uni have lost my medical certificates, aaargh) - so you're doing pretty well so far to have not failed anything :D .. What you doing at college, what are you wanting to go on to at Uni? Some courses you can do a 2 by 2 where you do two years at college and two at uni? Or at least that's the way it works up here (Aberdeen) and I presume it works the same in other areas too :) ... not good about the rain - for once it has been fairly sunny up here! Hope you're feeling a bit happier, you do sound a bit calmer .. I feel pretty icky meself and haven't had a fabulous weekend either (autistic sister throwing plates at my mum yesterday and then mum took an epileptic fit today...) but what can we do eh! Keep smiling :) this will pass, PM if you like xx
Thanks. Dont know if unis are the same here because i know you dont have to pay (jealous much) lol. I want to do a sociology degree lol but not really sure what i want to do after that. I meantioned the bullying to my counesller never have mentioned it to my GP. Sorry about your mum and sister (that cant be easy) :).
I do feel ok other then the fact that my legs feel a bit funny from having the heat from the laptop on there for a long time lol.
just put the laptop under a book and put a pillow on my lap with the laptop on. can the heat get through that?
actually think i will use it on a desk from now on cause one leg feels quite burnt.
how dangerous is baby powder? cause just used it in my hair cause it keeps the grease away for longer and it went everywere then i ate a biscuit and it tasted a bit like it.
Ahh cool sociology was the subject I failed at school :roflmao: good subject though, useful for a lot of things like teaching/nursing etc :) .. no not easy but you get so used to it (or I have, my mum's been ill since long before I was born and my sister's always had autism) but I've got gastritis (inflammed tummy) at the moment and due period too so it was a bit too much at once! I live in halls Mon-Fri and I almost feel like I'm going back for a break haha! Yeah that happens to me aaaall the time but it'll do you no harm at all - just leaves your legs a bit uncomfy and hot (I shouldn't admit it but I use mine to warm up when I'm freezing at night :roflmao:) ... What I would say though is using your laptop on your legs - despite the name of it suggesting you would do that - means the fan on the side might not be working as well as it should and your laptop can overheat. Unlikely but there is a chance of it happening - so when you can it is better to use it on a flat surface - like a book or a desk or something. Yeah I don't remember who I first told - I mean, my mum knew and so did the school (they didn't do much about it) but I did mention it in CBT and they reckon that - along with my childhood and personality - has contributed to me being anxious.. So it maybe plays a part in yours too? Just a thought :)
Haha I know what you mean about tuition fees but then they're not implementing them for a while -- 2013 I thought - are they? And if you're in college already that should help you get into Uni - if not directly into 2nd or 3rd yr then at least a first year course.. So you should be able to escape a couple of years of that... Besides a lot of that is covered by loans and grants - and with the loans, you don't pay back until you're earning a lot - and even then, if you haven't paid it all off within two years or soemthing they write all the debts off. As far as I know anyway. I used to worry about that ut you really do have nothing to worry about there... Keep pushing for uni if thatd what you want as you'll love it :)
xx
Oh baby powder's fine :) it wont harm you at all :)
Thanks. I love Sociology, but still not sure what to do at the end of it all. Never really had a clear idea of what i wanted to be. Inflamed tummy+ period doesnt sound nice. I used to have really painful periods but ever since i became anxious the pain has now gone from them (i cant complain about that though) i do how ever get more PMS now. im crying all the way through it and before it and im just moody lol.
the fees come in in 2012 which is the year i should start uni lol. you start paying back once your earning £21,000 but ontop of living fees as well i dont know how uni will go lol. Its going to be £6000 min. per year just for the uni fees.
My friends mums a nurse and is 34 and shes still paying of her debt from uni lol.
Lol that's what I often wonder about - epecially since I'm doing a blimmin English degree and where's that going to get me in the future? :roflmao: looks like it'll be a postgrad next - but they cost £1000s too... Living costs don't have to be TOO much - it depends where you stay and how you choose to live. E.g. you can live at home with your parents - that's probably as cheap as you'll get - or you can rent a flat and that's when it gets more expensive. Good for the experience though :D and like I said you do get loans and grants and what have you... And Im sure your parents/family would try to contribute what they could - my mum is forever buying me food and stuff like that! Yeah PMS is a nightmare - my GP said to take evening primrose supplements or vitamin B6 tablets... I haven't tried them yet, being the dafty I am I very rarely take the medicines and stuff they tell me to and then complain that I still feel ill :roflmao:! ... I could write you a whole heap on sociology and careers after it - I'm doing a course on career planning at Uni - but would probably bore you very quickly! You just need to work out where your strengths and skills are and what you can do with them if that makes sense. Sometimes works wonders for self confidence too (and aliviates anxiety a wee bit) as by focusing on the positives you start to forget the negatives... Where abouts in England do you stay - got cousins in Newcastle (well the North east area and quite a few in London? lol .. Now I'm away to go try and take my own advice :roflmao: it's so easy to give it to others but when it comes to yourself!! ah well, speak soon x
Thanks. Im looking at going away for uni though lol. want a break and feel like i need a new start in a way. I live in Sussex right down the south of england. But have family everywere (yorkshire, Isle of wight, australlia, thailand) lol. I to sometimes dont do what the GP tells me to do then complain im still ill. took me weeks to take the acid reflux med they gave me.
Well if you've actually taken it you're doing a whole lot better than me :roflmao: haha we are the same - family in the US and in Aus... I'm ashamed to admit I had to google Sussex (I have heard of it just not a clue where it was) and yes thats very far south, bet you get warm summers though :winks: as opposed to Aberdeenshire where a good summer's day is classed as one where it doesn't rain..!
haha. sometimes summer is nice, sometimes not- has to be better weather than scotland though lol.
still feeling a bit shaky about brain worries tonight but gotta be up at 6 tommorow :(
6 - too early for me :wacko: haha.. I'm not planning on getting up til 8 I hope.. Not leaving house til 11 so no need to haha. But then when I was in school was always 6 cos I used to sit and straighten my hair for an hour!
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