Hysteria

[W.I.F.T.S.]

When I was at school I used to get really worked up about French lessons because the teacher could be quite aggressive. She demanded the highest standards and would bawl at you or humiliate you if you stepped out of line. Everybody was in awe of her and i don't think anybody really enjoyed the lessons, but i think my reaction was over the top. I would practically hyper-ventilate and I'd be wringing with sweat before the lessons.

After a while it became a source of amusement for the rest of my class mates and for the teacher too! Deep down I knew it was an over-reaction and i felt that I was 'playing up'- reacting in that way for attention or sympathy or maybe so that she'd go easy on me?!

I feel, in a way, that I still do the same thing. When I had to have blood taken recently i got myself so worked up that I ended up on a stretcher!!

I know that my reaction is way out of proportion. Both my fiancee and my previous girlfriend have said that it's like having a son rather than a boyfriend and I do kind of understand. With my ex-girlfriend I kind of expected her to look after me and make my meals and do my laundry. I'd do token chores to earn brownie points. When we split up it was like being seperated from 'the mother' (she was quite a bit older than me) and I think my panic attacks have been like a tantrum.

Does anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[a-little-room-to-breathe]

hey hun!!
i think you're being too hard on yourself- the whole problem with panic attacks and anxiety is that our responses are out of proportion to the percieved threat we feel under. When we feel close to people, especially if they're very confident, in control people, its easy to tend to let them be in control, like, as you said, they're your mother, and its hard to break that pattern. if anything your fiancee should be flattered- this is usually a reaction to people we trust to take care of us.
people who suffer from panic attacks and anxiety feel very vulnerable and often are extremely fragile emotionally; it could be that your partners recognise that and behave the way they do because they feel protective, as if they have to take care of you. and they've been doing it for so long that it now becomes an annpying habit.
if you talk to your fiancee and agree to try and be more independent, chances are she'll be able to help you, but now its down to you to stand on your own two feet.
but dont be too hard on yourself hun, its not your fault. but that doesnt mean you cant change it. talk it over with your fiancee and see if you can come to an agreement.
i hope this has helped a little bit.

love katie xxx

"If I can wipe from any human cheek, a tear,
Convince one man that hope and heaven are near,
Create more joy, more hope, less pain,
And though not one shall know my name nor drop a flower on my grave,
I shall not have lived in vain while here."