falling for a friend? what would you do?

[daisycake]

Especially since said friend is gay and in a commited long term, co-habiting relationship! I don't know what it is that I'm feeling - I love being around him, he seems the same with me, we have everything in common from books to films to music... Meet up every week and he's the only person my age who I feel I can really talk to about anything and everything. He's honestly amazing. But he's attached.

And I cant figure out whether I like him as a friend or if I want something more than that.

But it's like a completely non-sexual thing - I wouldn't go putting on make up or fancy clothing to impress him? Does that mean I don't love him? It's so confusing - part of me wants to be in love because that would prove to me that I am normal (I've never had a crush on a bloke, ever, I have on girls but not blokes.. )

If he were single or even just straight I'd have told him how I feel by now. I don't honestly know what to do other than just carry on as it is at the moment.. He obviously loves his partner to bits, and I'd hate for him to know how I feel as it'd ruin the friendship. But he's invited me round for a meal and a bottle of wine one night with him and partner, and I just keep thinking how weird that will be - how left out or sad I'll feel seeing the two of them together. oes that make sense? I'm avoiding the wine that night as I don't fancy losing all my inhibitions and saying something I'll only regret!

My mind's so confused over it all :roflmao: maybe I'm overthinking it!

[Rous]

Ye shudnae be afraid to go there and to have fun Linda, ye never know he may not be fully gay - he cud be bi.

I know a few folk who are gay & bi, and the bi ones explained to me that altho they love both their female & male partners it doesn't stop them from showing it, it's a different kind of love for each. That's how it was explained to me.

So you never know about him, altho I think you shudnae just come out with how yer feeling, ye shud take it real slow and let what may happen happen if you understand what I mean.

But don't be afraid to be there in their presence and have fun, be yourself and show them who you are, like I said you never know - you cud become a friend to his partner too.

If yer being who you are naturally around him it wudnae mean ye don't love him, it means yer more relaxed around him & he understand you for it.

Be true to yersel Linda and the situation will resolve itself naturally, don't push it, let what may be come itself.

I hope that makes sense, having re-read the above I'm not sure it does but in brief I'm trying to say....

don't be afraid of your feelings for him...
don't be afraid to be yourself around him just becoz ye see him differently than ye did before...
accept that if it is meant to be it will be, don't try to push it...
understand that love has many ways of being shown to different degrees and people...
understand that some people are bi and can have partners from both sides, loving each equally even tho they are separate...

I hope this makes sense for ye & helps in some way. :hugs:

[Rain]

[QUOTE=daisycake;802805] part of me wants to be in love because that would prove to me that I am normal (I've never had a crush on a bloke, ever, I have on girls but not blokes.. )

Daisy, lesbians are 'normal' people too you know.

You say this man is in a committed long term relationship and loves his parther. I would think that would be reason enough to think it might be better to keep this crush in the realms of fantasy, rather than act upon it.

If you are indeed finding you are attracted to men as well as women, try dating lots of people, regardless of their gender, and don't feel you have to give yourself a rigid label.

Because he is in a relationship this man is 'forbidden fruit'. Could that be part of the attraction? Don't worry about being 'in love' at this stage of your life. Just enjoy dating some single people and see where it leads you.

[magpie girl]

I agree with rain,you obviously love this guy tho but its not the same as being in love with him!!!!! its 2 diffrent kinds of love.I think you just feel comfortable with him safe and secure.
You know he is happy in his relationship and very commited maybe thats what your craving.

[ElizabethJane]

It all depends on how you would like this whole relationship thing to go? My closest colleague at work is gay. He is also attracted to women and is besotted with me. I am married. It is all very contained as I would tell him in no uncertain terms that I do not want the relationship to go any further. We socialise together with another male (not his partner) It is very easy and comfortable for me. I was uncomfortable once when I was invited to a birthday party with another gay couple and my colleagues (then) boyfriend. If you want this relationship to work then you'll have to have a chat with him about his motives? If the relationship can remain platonic then that is good. It does not mean that you have to be less loving towards him ie hugs. I hope that you find something that works for you both. EJ.