Snoozy
02-03-11, 19:04
hi
I've lurked about reading this forum for a long time, but I've finally plucked up the courage to join.
Sorry if this is longwinded, but I need to provide background.
My health anxiety really started about four and a half years ago after the birth of my first child. Within weeks of the birth, I had convinced myself that my husband was ill (cancer, naturally), and I would be left a widow with a small child. I struggled with this for over a year, and then with the help of counselling, I sort of moved on. But, the counselling was expensive, it had to end. And within a few months, the anxiety was back but this time focused on me. I've spent about three years convinced I have cancer of some sort (breast cancer, ovarian cancer, throat cancer, lymphoma, and my current 'favourite', bone cancer). I had a brief respite from the cancer for a couple of months when a young relative died suddenly of a heart condition, and what do you know, my terror of cancer disappeared and was replaced by terror of sudden cardiac arrest. In between all this, I have reverted to worrying about my husband, and of course my child.
Anyway, yesterday I found out that I am pregnant again. This is a much wanted baby (by me, anyway, but thats another issue!) and I should be excited, but when I saw that blue line I just felt utter terror. I'm terrified of being pregnant, terrified of being ill, and of course, terrified of being pregnant and ill at the same time (cancer being the fear, naturally).
I'm just hoping that by posting here, I might find someone who has been through this before me.......
I've lurked about reading this forum for a long time, but I've finally plucked up the courage to join.
Sorry if this is longwinded, but I need to provide background.
My health anxiety really started about four and a half years ago after the birth of my first child. Within weeks of the birth, I had convinced myself that my husband was ill (cancer, naturally), and I would be left a widow with a small child. I struggled with this for over a year, and then with the help of counselling, I sort of moved on. But, the counselling was expensive, it had to end. And within a few months, the anxiety was back but this time focused on me. I've spent about three years convinced I have cancer of some sort (breast cancer, ovarian cancer, throat cancer, lymphoma, and my current 'favourite', bone cancer). I had a brief respite from the cancer for a couple of months when a young relative died suddenly of a heart condition, and what do you know, my terror of cancer disappeared and was replaced by terror of sudden cardiac arrest. In between all this, I have reverted to worrying about my husband, and of course my child.
Anyway, yesterday I found out that I am pregnant again. This is a much wanted baby (by me, anyway, but thats another issue!) and I should be excited, but when I saw that blue line I just felt utter terror. I'm terrified of being pregnant, terrified of being ill, and of course, terrified of being pregnant and ill at the same time (cancer being the fear, naturally).
I'm just hoping that by posting here, I might find someone who has been through this before me.......