A little advice??

[missrigby]

Hi,
I'm not sure where to start.
My life was perfect (apart from work and money stresses) until New Year, and infact nothing has changed, that i was aware and i am still confused about everything at the moment.

I am in a loving relationship which has been nothing but perfect for over 3 years now, i can not see my life without this guy. Work sucks, unbelievablee stressed and i think this has a lot to do with it, also money problems. I am 26, my partner is 48. Age has never been a problem and never will be, and i am only writing this as it will be explained further down.

But anyway,

New Years Eve, I got punched, I was drunk, cant remember. My partner went away to work on the Monday (he works away for weeks at a time), i thought i was coping fine with this punch (it looked bad and hurt like a bitch), Friday afternoon comes and i find my body getting what can only be described as pins and needles, tingling throughout, my chest felt like it was collapsing and my breathing was quite intense, not to mention the headache. So this day ended with a trip to the hospital to make sure nothing was happening upstairs. All was fine, and i was told to rest.

The wednesday, i find myself crying uncontrollably missing my partner and not wanting to be alone. I went to my partners house to stay, however i still had to go to work, and i couldn't concentrate, my motivation was gone, i kept crying and then i start convincing myself that i am ill and that i'll never see my partner again.

Mornings are the worst, its getting to work, sitting on the bus, my tummy goes... walking from the bus the chest goes, then my breathing. This has kind of eased off..

Monday comes, i get intense pains in my stomach, parents take me to the
hospital thinking its my appendix. Stay in hospital over night, turns out to be nothing.

So i have one last week at my parents, some days aren't too bad, when i say aren't too bad, i feel numb really and i'm not thinking anything. Then the crying and thinking i may not see my partner, and then thinking about the future and that i will have to deal with not having my partner, if age takes its cause i will probs have 20-30 years after my partner is gone..

Following Monday, partner is returning, so happy and excited. Everthing is great for a few hours, but then i think "do i want to be with you, do i love you, do you love me, is there any point?"

These feelings are out the blue, like i said before New Year everything was perfect and was still perfect when he was away, we were talking everyday and everthing was normal apart from my episodes.

When i think these bad things about my partner it upsets me as i know i want to be with him, and i am very touchy feely with him. Nothing has changed, i still want to kiss him, cuddle him, be with him. Yet sometimes i just stop and think those silly things.

I don't know whether my head has registered that he left me a few days after punching me, so he's abandoned me, so i'll push him away or what.

But i know that these feelings aren't true and they need to be stopped somehow. I don't always think them, infact i can kind of control it, but sometimes at work, i just sit there and start the cycle again.

I have so much fun with my partner, i am so attacked to my partner and i still get butterflies thinking about him. But these feelings???

God i blab, just any advice really. I have been to the doctors a few times and he has said that i have anxiety/minor depression. I do not want to go on medication. I just want to know that i can overcome this.

[Veronica H]

Did your partner punch you? You say you can't remember but did you ask him? If he punched you then he has serious issues and love may not be enough to stop this happening again.:bighug1:Vx

[RLR]

Your symptoms are entirely consistent with that observed in other persons experiencing panic threshold events, or panic attacks. These events have their origins in both a physiological and emotional context. Spontaneous crying in the absence of an immediate emotional stimulus would also suggest the possible presence of clinical depression. Panic events can indeed co-exist within the same cycle as depressive mood.

Additionally, ruminations or constant troublesome thoughts are quite common within the context of anxiety alone or clinical depression with features of anxiety. These feelings and subsequent mood alterations might well be an indication of your uncertainty of your feelings for your partner.

Your description of the emotional and physical aspects of your relationship would potentially speak more to dependency than any description which would suggest a healthy reciprocity or equal demonstration of passion. Many relationships can project this type of imbalance and it's important to ask yourself whether you crave being with this person because you need to more than you sometimes wish to, together with the fact that some vulnerability exists in your mind whether your partner is as dedicated to the relationship as you are. This unsettling feeling can oftentimes produce a long-term striving to gain similar and equal expressions of devotion by one's partner, in some instances to no avail. Yet, it can persist in order to avoid the pain of loss of one's partner.

It's always important to place your focus upon something higher than the relationship itself in order to maintain a healthy perspective. If you find yourself unable to function well in the absence of your partner, losing interest in your own hobbies and social engagements with friends or otherwise focusing strictly upon aspects of your relationship, then these are all signs that you should take into consideration as potentially representing a problem that you are avoiding.

The power of love is as much a representation of inner security as it is the wellspring of passion. Be careful that you don't forfeit the need for equality in a relationship in exchange for mere security. You must determine if you are comfortable with yourself and that your concept of your partner is not one that you need in order to be happy and content. Such predicaments are common and unfortunately in some cases, produce many subsequent years of unhappiness.

The genuine and natural expressions of true companionship are far more determinant than any aspect of love which may arise between two people, for love is merely what many people think they want when seeking a genuine companion. This irony is what produces a great deal of diappointment later on after the roses have wilted and gestures of courtship have faded.


Best regards,

Rutheford Rane, MD (ret.)

[Lizziesaurus]

RLR said it perfectly. Personally I would see your doctor, explain this, even print out what you just put here if you're not so good with talking out loud (I know I'm not and shoving paper in front of someone makes it so much easier).
The answer doesn't have to be in a pack of tablets, maybe some talking therapies? I don't know much about these as I've never experienced them, but plenty more people on here have, maybe they could shed some light on the ins and outs of it.

I hope you feel better soon hun :) :hugs:

[missrigby]

Thanks for your replies.
It wasn't my partner that punched me, it was a friend of our neighbours.
I had to get my partner away fast before he pretty much killed him.

I've just got into work today, and i feel all panicky. I had a shit boring day yesterday and the thought of that again isn't really helping.

My partner returns from work today. I am so happy that he's going to be back.
I do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, can't see it without him. When he's here all the problems seem to go away, most of the time.
It's taken us a long time to get to where we are and I ain't going to give up because of my little issue thing that has happened.

I can fight and will get over it. Somedays are harder than others
Time and patience is needed, and another trip to the doctors. He's put me on a waiting list to speak to someone but that is 4 months long.